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Сезон: 01Серия: 09
Теперь, живя раздельно, Джон и Кэролин посещают семейного психолога. Они спят вместе и вспоминают свои отношения, но позже снова начинают ссориться. После того, как Кэролайн и Лорен отдельно консультируют Джона и Кэролин по поводу их брака, Кэролин посещает гала-вечер в честь Джорджа, чем радует Джона. Достигнув предварительного примирения, они обсуждают свои отношения. Она соглашается пойти на свадьбу кузена Джона, Рори, с Лорен; Джон планирует доставить двух сестер на небольшом самолете. Полет идет не по плану, и самолет пропадает недалеко от Мартас-Винъярд. Их семьи уведомляют о смерти. Энн отвергает предложения Кеннеди относительно похорон, но позже сближается с Кэролайн на почве общей утраты. Кэролайн предлагает кремировать троих и развеять их прах над морем, на что Энн соглашается.
- 00:11.136 --> 00:14.514 And this is a recurring dream that you're having?
- 00:16.183 --> 00:17.683 Yes.
- 00:17.684 --> 00:21.230 And in it, the two of you are riding in that convertible…
- 00:22.231 --> 00:26.150 in the motorcade in Dallas, only you're the one that's injured.
- 00:26.151 --> 00:28.527 - Mmm. - And what are you wearing?
- 00:28.528 --> 00:30.321 I'm wearing the same thing his mother wore.
- 00:30.322 --> 00:34.242 The pink tweed suit and the pillbox hat.
- 00:34.243 --> 00:36.118 She hates wearing hats.
- 00:36.119 --> 00:38.037 I do. Um…
- 00:38.038 --> 00:39.914 Okay, well, obviously that's what tracks
- 00:39.915 --> 00:42.333 with what we're talking about in our sessions.
- 00:42.334 --> 00:49.006 The idea that you are paying the price for John's fame, for John's ambitions.
- 00:49.007 --> 00:53.761 It also speaks to an outsized fear of exposure of the real world.
- 00:53.762 --> 00:56.597 Hmm. Let's just try not to editorialize, okay?
- 00:56.598 --> 00:59.350 Well, maybe if I was at home sleeping with her in our bed,
- 00:59.351 --> 01:00.851 she wouldn't be having these nightmares.
- 01:00.852 --> 01:03.020 You were the one who decided to leave and now you're saying
- 01:03.021 --> 01:04.480 your absence is the problem?
- 01:04.481 --> 01:06.899 Yeah, so we wouldn't say anything we could never take back.
- 01:06.900 --> 01:09.652 Yeah, so you go on a walk, John. You don't move out.
- 01:09.653 --> 01:12.363 - I didn't move out. - You left and then you-you…
- 01:12.364 --> 01:13.447 Yeah, you didn't come back.
- 01:13.448 --> 01:15.283 - So how would you characterize that? - Oh, my God.
- 01:15.284 --> 01:17.827 And if that is your instinct, to bolt when things get hard,
- 01:17.828 --> 01:19.787 how can I trust you just won't keep doing it?
- 01:19.788 --> 01:22.456 I was the one that made it very clear that divorce was off the table.
- 01:22.457 --> 01:24.667 So I should just feel comforted
- 01:24.668 --> 01:26.794 that you have unilaterally issued that decree.
- 01:26.795 --> 01:30.214 It means that the only option in my mind is to make this marriage work.
- 01:30.215 --> 01:33.175 John, there is a difference between not wanting us to fail
- 01:33.176 --> 01:35.386 and wanting us to succeed.
- 01:35.387 --> 01:37.513 John views our marriage through the lens of the media.
- 01:37.514 --> 01:41.267 He's more concerned with the optics of our issues than our actual issues.
- 01:41.268 --> 01:44.687 We cannot just ignore the fact that we live under a microscope
- 01:44.688 --> 01:47.565 - because it's inconvenient. - I cannot be the third person
- 01:47.566 --> 01:48.691 in my marriage.
- 01:48.692 --> 01:52.236 Spending the rest of my life competing with everyone else in the world,
- 01:52.237 --> 01:55.240 or his family's legacy, or his magazine.
- 01:58.535 --> 02:01.579 Well, I know that this is going to sound counterintuitive,
- 02:01.580 --> 02:05.751 but just based on everything that I'm hearing,
- 02:06.418 --> 02:09.254 I would advise a trial separation.
- 02:12.549 --> 02:13.674 I'm sorry, what?
- 02:13.675 --> 02:17.720 Uh, your advice for our marriage is divorce?
- 02:17.721 --> 02:18.804 No.
- 02:18.805 --> 02:23.893 But I think part of the reason that you two aren't finding any clarity
- 02:23.894 --> 02:29.565 is that you're… you're stuck in this sort of liminal space,
- 02:29.566 --> 02:34.945 and maybe if you severed contact for a little while,
- 02:34.946 --> 02:39.200 you would gain a clearer idea of what you're missing
- 02:39.201 --> 02:44.664 or what your life would actually look like without the other.
- 02:44.665 --> 02:47.166 - Mm-hmm. - Like, for how long?
- 02:47.167 --> 02:49.127 Yeah, like-like one, two weeks?
- 02:49.753 --> 02:51.879 A month, maybe two.
- 02:51.880 --> 02:56.133 Um, do you have, like, too many clients, or…
- 02:56.134 --> 02:57.218 No.
- 02:57.219 --> 03:01.764 No, I mean, you obviously would see me, you just wouldn't see each other.
- 03:01.765 --> 03:04.350 I can't not talk to my wife for a month.
- 03:04.351 --> 03:06.060 Yeah, I don't want to do that either.
- 03:06.061 --> 03:09.606 I mean, I don't think I could even if you asked me to.
- 03:10.482 --> 03:15.111 Well, I mean, you won't come together, you won't let go,
- 03:15.112 --> 03:18.906 and instead, you are just white-knuckling this marriage
- 03:18.907 --> 03:20.450 into a downward spiral.
- 03:47.602 --> 03:49.187 What happened to one cigarette a day?
- 03:49.980 --> 03:51.439 We're drinking at a dive bar
- 03:51.440 --> 03:53.900 in the middle of a workday after marriage counseling.
- 03:54.401 --> 03:57.446 I'd say my discipline is shot for the day.
- 04:12.544 --> 04:13.587 You know something funny?
- 04:15.046 --> 04:18.591 When I'm at the Stanhope reminiscing about our life together,
- 04:18.592 --> 04:20.760 I never replay the bad moments in my head.
- 04:21.344 --> 04:25.765 All I think about is us at our best, laughing,
- 04:25.766 --> 04:28.310 always reaching out for each other.
- 04:29.227 --> 04:31.562 It's never enough for us to just be in the same room.
- 04:31.563 --> 04:34.733 We always have to feel each other to know that we're really there.
- 04:35.650 --> 04:36.942 And then when we get together,
- 04:36.943 --> 04:39.945 it's all we can do not to rehash every fight we've ever had.
- 04:39.946 --> 04:42.282 I don't think we're totally to blame.
- 04:43.533 --> 04:47.787 Our marriage counselor hates us.
- 04:47.788 --> 04:49.747 Yeah.
- 04:49.748 --> 04:53.375 I mean, I think she's going to become a divorce mediator because of us.
- 04:55.003 --> 04:56.629 You know what I was thinking about the other day?
- 04:56.630 --> 05:01.008 - Hmm? - That trip we took to Honduras
- 05:01.009 --> 05:04.845 when you got poison ivy everywhere and I had to wrap your hands in socks
- 05:04.846 --> 05:06.013 to keep you from itching.
- 05:06.014 --> 05:11.143 - There was calamine lotion everywhere. - Yeah, one big, pink man.
- 05:11.144 --> 05:12.394 Very messy.
- 05:12.395 --> 05:15.105 What about that time we had sex on the rooftop in Paris
- 05:15.106 --> 05:16.857 and you almost got electrocuted?
- 05:16.858 --> 05:18.151 Worth it.
- 05:27.994 --> 05:29.411 If only we knew then.
- 05:29.412 --> 05:30.664 What?
- 05:34.042 --> 05:35.460 How good we had it.
- 05:46.596 --> 05:47.680 We should get going.
- 05:47.681 --> 05:50.225 One more drink in this place and we really will be a sob story.
- 05:53.436 --> 05:55.355 - Hey. - Sorry.
- 05:56.147 --> 05:57.232 It's okay.
- 05:59.317 --> 06:04.114 Do you mind if I drop by and, um, get that linen blazer?
- 06:06.283 --> 06:11.370 <i>♪ All in all there's something to give ♪</i>
- 06:11.371 --> 06:14.666 <i>♪ All in all there's something to live ♪</i>
- 06:15.917 --> 06:19.712 - <i>♪ With you ♪</i> - <i>♪ Ooh ♪</i>
- 06:20.964 --> 06:24.967 - <i>♪ With you ♪</i> - <i>♪ Ooh-ahh ♪</i>
- 06:24.968 --> 06:27.721 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪</i>
- 06:30.098 --> 06:33.184 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪</i>
- 06:34.686 --> 06:37.063 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪</i>
- 06:40.066 --> 06:42.944 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪</i>
- 06:45.530 --> 06:48.325 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪</i>
- 06:54.331 --> 06:56.166 Best kiss we've ever had?
- 06:57.459 --> 07:00.002 It has to be our first outside your apartment.
- 07:00.003 --> 07:01.963 No. No, that doesn't count.
- 07:03.673 --> 07:04.882 I mean as a couple.
- 07:04.883 --> 07:06.926 - Mmm, there have been lots. - Yeah.
- 07:09.512 --> 07:10.596 Jones Beach?
- 07:10.597 --> 07:12.849 Which time?
- 07:14.184 --> 07:17.103 What about by that fire in that lodge in Montana?
- 07:20.231 --> 07:22.316 No, I remember what it was.
- 07:22.317 --> 07:24.569 Fuck! I'm so late.
- 07:28.948 --> 07:30.742 Hey, wait, give me a kiss.
- 07:34.454 --> 07:36.872 - Bye. I'll see you later, yeah? - Mm-hmm.
- 07:36.873 --> 07:39.792 Okay. Love you.
- 07:39.793 --> 07:41.419 - Love you. Bye. - Bye.
- 07:47.342 --> 07:49.009 That's not what I had in mind.
- 07:49.010 --> 07:50.970 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪</i>
- 07:53.390 --> 07:56.393 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪</i>
- 08:03.483 --> 08:06.820 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪</i>
- 08:53.366 --> 08:55.660 Here you go, buddy.
- 09:15.138 --> 09:16.388 Morning.
- 09:16.389 --> 09:18.016 - Hi. - Hi.
- 09:21.644 --> 09:23.854 - Sorry, I didn't wanna wake you. - No, that's fine.
- 09:23.855 --> 09:26.441 - I know you haven't been sleeping well. - It's okay.
- 09:28.902 --> 09:30.737 I have a 9:00 a.m. breakfast.
- 09:32.489 --> 09:35.116 Gotcha.
- 09:36.618 --> 09:38.869 - I can cancel it. - No. No, that's fine.
- 09:38.870 --> 09:43.291 I just, um… I thought maybe we might wanna talk about last night.
- 09:44.292 --> 09:46.669 - Yeah? - Yeah.
- 09:49.631 --> 09:52.175 I mean, do you feel bad?
- 09:53.384 --> 09:54.761 Uh… No.
- 09:55.762 --> 09:57.679 I… I don't know.
- 09:57.680 --> 10:01.059 Do you feel good about what's happening right now?
- 10:03.311 --> 10:04.562 Why don't we meet for lunch?
- 10:06.564 --> 10:09.901 You-You know what, it's probably best we just talk about it at counseling anyway.
- 10:12.278 --> 10:14.029 Do you think we tell Colleen?
- 10:14.030 --> 10:17.575 I mean, we kind of did exactly the opposite of what she asked us to.
- 10:21.704 --> 10:22.913 John, I'm confused.
- 10:22.914 --> 10:27.292 Are we angling for a gold star here or trying to save our marriage?
- 10:27.293 --> 10:30.671 I mean, I just don't want her to think that we're any more self-destructive
- 10:30.672 --> 10:32.048 than she already does.
- 10:35.385 --> 10:36.845 Am I seeing you at the <i>George</i> gala?
- 10:37.512 --> 10:40.557 No, John, I j… I just can't right now.
- 10:42.851 --> 10:46.312 So then I assume Rory's wedding is off the table.
- 10:48.273 --> 10:50.650 I love you, but you still don't get it.
- 10:52.360 --> 10:55.112 It's not as easy for me as it is for you.
- 10:55.113 --> 10:56.780 What isn't?
- 10:56.781 --> 10:58.867 Pretending like everything's okay.
- 11:00.368 --> 11:03.454 I can assure you that this is anything but easy for me.
- 11:05.039 --> 11:06.374 Talk to you later?
- 11:07.917 --> 11:08.918 Yeah.
- 11:23.683 --> 11:26.186 I don't think I've been back here since she died.
- 11:28.062 --> 11:29.313 You look terrible.
- 11:29.314 --> 11:32.649 - Wow. Mom really is here with us. - You're graying.
- 11:32.650 --> 11:35.528 - Yeah, well, stress will do that to you. - Mmm.
- 11:42.035 --> 11:43.328 Sit down.
- 11:46.998 --> 11:48.333 It's a lot.
- 11:51.294 --> 11:54.380 But you have to ask yourself what's actually within your control.
- 11:55.465 --> 11:57.133 And what can you save?
- 11:58.301 --> 12:00.761 - She won't forgive me. - For what?
- 12:00.762 --> 12:04.431 Ruining her life, destroying her anonymity,
- 12:04.432 --> 12:06.184 failing to protect her.
- 12:06.851 --> 12:08.644 I mean, I remember sitting here with Mom
- 12:08.645 --> 12:10.979 and her telling me that any woman I ended up with
- 12:10.980 --> 12:13.774 would be under the illusion that we were entering a partnership,
- 12:13.775 --> 12:18.321 when in reality, they just have to orbit me like everybody else.
- 12:20.448 --> 12:23.825 She was married to the president of the United States.
- 12:23.826 --> 12:26.454 All she knew was how to orbit a great man.
- 12:27.497 --> 12:30.458 But you aren't Dad, and Carolyn isn't the First Lady.
- 12:33.044 --> 12:36.797 John, you dated countless women who were more than willing to let you
- 12:36.798 --> 12:39.300 be the center of the universe and none of them stuck.
- 12:39.884 --> 12:42.678 And then you found someone who wasn't willing to contort themselves
- 12:42.679 --> 12:46.307 into whatever they thought you needed, and you fell in love.
- 12:47.850 --> 12:51.270 And now those qualities, that fire, that self-possession
- 12:51.271 --> 12:53.730 aren't serving you anymore, and you're crying foul?
- 12:53.731 --> 12:56.442 I have tried everything in my power to make her happy.
- 12:58.903 --> 13:00.779 What she's asking of you feels unreasonable
- 13:00.780 --> 13:03.490 because no one has ever asked it of you before.
- 13:03.491 --> 13:07.369 Your whole life, people have been willing to take whatever pieces of yourself
- 13:07.370 --> 13:09.455 you're willing to give them, but she isn't.
- 13:11.291 --> 13:13.334 And she was never gonna be someone who would be.
- 13:19.340 --> 13:22.217 I know you've been made to feel like your life is predestined,
- 13:22.218 --> 13:25.096 but that doesn't mean you are powerless to change it.
- 13:28.641 --> 13:31.352 The question is do you love her enough to do that?
- 13:51.122 --> 13:52.749 Thank you.
- 13:55.710 --> 13:57.628 Thank you.
- 14:00.423 --> 14:01.758 I spoke to John earlier.
- 14:04.802 --> 14:06.929 He called to ask how you were doing.
- 14:08.389 --> 14:09.681 Well, what'd you tell him?
- 14:09.682 --> 14:12.060 I said pick up the phone and call her yourself.
- 14:16.481 --> 14:18.148 He did offer to drop me off in the Vineyard
- 14:18.149 --> 14:21.569 - on his way to Rory's wedding. - Mmm. That'll butter you up.
- 14:23.905 --> 14:25.155 Did you say yes?
- 14:25.156 --> 14:27.909 Well, I'm not going to turn down a ride on a summer Friday.
- 14:29.160 --> 14:30.411 Hmm.
- 14:31.245 --> 14:33.581 You should have seen him when I came downstairs this morning.
- 14:34.248 --> 14:37.167 Just heading off to work like it was any normal day.
- 14:37.168 --> 14:39.753 Well, did you say, "Hey, can you cancel your meeting?
- 14:39.754 --> 14:40.837 We really have to talk"?
- 14:40.838 --> 14:42.381 I shouldn't have to.
- 14:43.007 --> 14:44.424 It's not my job to edify us.
- 14:44.425 --> 14:47.762 Well then, you clearly weren't that desperate to communicate either.
- 14:48.596 --> 14:52.641 You know, you think because of our shit with Dad
- 14:52.642 --> 14:55.019 - that him leaving's the ultimate betrayal… - Lauren.
- 14:55.520 --> 15:00.483 …but this is also you projecting shit onto John that has nothing to do with him.
- 15:01.776 --> 15:04.611 If you really wanted to work on this relationship,
- 15:04.612 --> 15:09.116 you would swallow your pride, jettison this compulsion to be right
- 15:09.117 --> 15:11.619 and do what's in the best interest of your relationship.
- 15:13.663 --> 15:15.957 All I've done is compromise for him, Lauren.
- 15:16.707 --> 15:19.376 It's only compromise if it's by your own volition,
- 15:19.377 --> 15:21.253 but you can't cling to the past
- 15:21.254 --> 15:23.422 and work towards the future at the same time.
- 15:27.343 --> 15:29.219 Right here. John!
- 15:29.220 --> 15:31.513 Are you and your wife getting a divorce?
- 15:31.514 --> 15:32.764 Thank you all for being here.
- 15:32.765 --> 15:36.227 <i>♪ I didn't hear you leave ♪</i>
- 15:37.145 --> 15:40.147 <i>♪ I wonder how am I still here ♪</i>
- 15:40.148 --> 15:42.399 Carolyn and I could renew our vows in Times Square
- 15:42.400 --> 15:45.026 and the press would brand it a charged altercation.
- 15:45.027 --> 15:47.864 <i>♪ And I don't want to move a thing ♪</i>
- 15:48.948 --> 15:52.743 <i>♪ It might change my memory ♪</i>
- 15:57.165 --> 16:00.375 - Carolyn! - Over here. Here.
- 16:00.376 --> 16:02.169 <i>♪ I'll do what I want ♪</i>
- 16:02.170 --> 16:06.716 <i>♪ But I can't hide ♪</i>
- 16:07.258 --> 16:09.385 <i>♪ And I won't go ♪</i>
- 16:10.261 --> 16:12.471 <i>♪ I won't sleep ♪</i>
- 16:13.181 --> 16:16.308 <i>♪ I can't breathe ♪</i>
- 16:16.309 --> 16:19.311 <i>♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪</i>
- 16:19.312 --> 16:21.688 <i>♪ And I won't leave ♪</i>
- 16:21.689 --> 16:23.523 <i>♪ And I can't hide ♪</i>
- 16:23.524 --> 16:24.941 Excuse me.
- 16:24.942 --> 16:26.735 Hi. You look beautiful.
- 16:26.736 --> 16:29.155 - Thank you. - What made you change your mind?
- 16:29.989 --> 16:32.073 I know how important this is to you.
- 16:32.074 --> 16:33.326 This way, please!
- 16:35.369 --> 16:37.288 And I know I wanna try.
- 16:38.164 --> 16:41.082 <i>♪ I don't want to call my friends ♪</i>
- 16:42.877 --> 16:46.005 <i>♪ They might wake me from this dream ♪</i>
- 16:48.633 --> 16:51.009 <i>♪ Oh, I am what I am ♪</i>
- 16:51.010 --> 16:53.471 Look at John. Look over at John.
- 16:54.513 --> 16:59.726 <i>♪ But I can't hide ♪</i>
- 16:59.727 --> 17:01.519 <i>♪ And I won't go ♪</i>
- 17:02.813 --> 17:05.273 <i>♪ I won't sleep ♪</i>
- 17:05.274 --> 17:08.443 <i>♪ And I can't breathe ♪</i>
- 17:08.444 --> 17:14.032 <i>♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪</i>
- 17:47.692 --> 17:48.984 You're early.
- 17:48.985 --> 17:51.194 Well, I knew if I was late and you stormed out,
- 17:51.195 --> 17:52.529 I wouldn't be able to catch you.
- 18:04.625 --> 18:06.334 This your go-to date spot?
- 18:06.335 --> 18:09.588 What can I say? I'm a sucker for a laminated menu.
- 18:14.969 --> 18:17.012 Do you know what I remember about that first date?
- 18:17.013 --> 18:20.057 That my bike got stolen?
- 18:21.642 --> 18:24.729 That, and…
- 18:28.232 --> 18:31.443 You said you felt like you had a sign over your head that read,
- 18:31.444 --> 18:34.947 "The Hunk Flunks" and that that was all people saw when they looked at you.
- 18:35.448 --> 18:37.866 And I remember asking you what your sign read,
- 18:37.867 --> 18:39.327 and you wouldn't tell me.
- 18:39.910 --> 18:41.244 And you still haven't told me.
- 18:41.245 --> 18:42.955 I don't think I've told anyone.
- 18:48.419 --> 18:50.713 Because if you knew what my sign said…
- 18:52.381 --> 18:55.508 "Please handle with care, not as tough as she looks,"
- 18:55.509 --> 18:57.011 then the jig would've been up.
- 18:58.262 --> 19:01.932 There'd be no mystery for you to solve, no defense system to disarm.
- 19:04.477 --> 19:07.104 And therefore, no reason to stay.
- 19:08.022 --> 19:09.231 But then I met you…
- 19:11.442 --> 19:14.487 and I fell in love with you and I didn't want to do that anymore.
- 19:17.031 --> 19:20.451 I wanted to let you in.
- 19:23.663 --> 19:26.207 You made me realize that I'm someone who…
- 19:27.792 --> 19:32.170 who wants to be loved and nurtured…
- 19:32.171 --> 19:35.883 …and taken care of and…
- 19:44.517 --> 19:46.519 How do we know we won't hurt each other?
- 19:47.728 --> 19:48.896 We don't.
- 19:50.106 --> 19:52.066 We just know that we wanna try.
- 19:52.566 --> 19:56.152 And build a life for ourselves, as partners.
- 19:56.153 --> 19:58.071 And what does that look like, though, John?
- 19:58.072 --> 20:02.492 Because I don't think our marriage can withstand any more scrutiny.
- 20:02.493 --> 20:04.328 I know.
- 20:04.829 --> 20:07.330 And part of that means I have to reexamine
- 20:07.331 --> 20:10.793 my relationship with everyone and everything that isn't you.
- 20:11.627 --> 20:13.128 Because you come first.
- 20:13.129 --> 20:15.423 But I don't want you to feel like you have to choose.
- 20:16.090 --> 20:19.634 I know you've been burdened with unfathomable expectations,
- 20:19.635 --> 20:21.928 and I would never fault you for trying to meet them.
- 20:21.929 --> 20:22.972 Carolyn.
- 20:23.556 --> 20:27.393 You're the one thing in my life that I know that I'm destined for.
- 20:29.311 --> 20:30.646 I love you.
- 20:34.525 --> 20:36.444 I love you too.
- 20:43.200 --> 20:48.414 You know, I was thinking, if you're up for it, you and I could go on a trip.
- 20:50.416 --> 20:52.376 - Where? - Anywhere you want.
- 20:53.085 --> 20:56.630 Paris. Belize. Tahiti.
- 20:58.758 --> 21:01.802 - For how long? - Till we decide to come home.
- 21:02.470 --> 21:04.513 Wherever that might be for us.
- 21:06.182 --> 21:08.391 I'll be back on Sunday from Rory's wedding.
- 21:08.392 --> 21:09.851 Why don't we pull out a world map
- 21:09.852 --> 21:12.813 and find the most remote island no one's ever heard of.
- 21:14.148 --> 21:16.399 I forgot about that, um…
- 21:16.400 --> 21:19.110 - Rory's… Rory's wedding. - Don't even worry about it.
- 21:19.111 --> 21:21.572 - Caroline's not even going. - No, I wanna go.
- 21:22.865 --> 21:24.158 You do?
- 21:27.203 --> 21:28.329 Yeah.
- 21:31.665 --> 21:33.459 I miss dancing with you.
- 21:35.878 --> 21:37.630 I miss dancing with you.
- 22:09.995 --> 22:12.540 That might've been even better than the first time.
- 22:17.336 --> 22:18.587 I should go.
- 22:21.215 --> 22:23.092 Gotta find a dress.
- 22:29.431 --> 22:32.267 - What if we're jumping the gun? - <i>What do you mean?</i>
- 22:32.268 --> 22:34.727 It's just we're finally getting to a good place,
- 22:34.728 --> 22:37.939 and I don't know if subjecting ourselves to the prying eyes
- 22:37.940 --> 22:40.942 of a massive Kennedy wedding is the move for us right now.
- 22:40.943 --> 22:43.111 <i>It's normal to feel anxious and apprehensive,</i>
- 22:43.112 --> 22:44.863 <i>but you two are going into this weekend</i>
- 22:44.864 --> 22:47.782 <i>with a completely different mindset than in the past.</i>
- 22:47.783 --> 22:49.868 <i>Go get your nails done.</i>
- 22:49.869 --> 22:51.077 <i>Go from there.</i>
- 22:51.078 --> 22:53.413 - Okay. Okay. - <i>One step at a time.</i>
- 22:53.414 --> 22:55.791 <i>- See you soon.</i> - Thanks, Laur. See you soon.
- 23:02.548 --> 23:05.300 - <i>Hyannis Port.</i> - Hey, this is John Kennedy.
- 23:05.301 --> 23:07.969 Requesting a standard weather briefing for a VFR flight
- 23:07.970 --> 23:11.014 from Essex County to Martha's Vineyard departing around 6:00 p.m.
- 23:11.015 --> 23:12.265 - <i>Okay, you got Essex County…</i> - Uh-huh.
- 23:12.266 --> 23:15.602 <i>- …clear skies, four-mile visibility.</i> - Uh-huh.
- 23:15.603 --> 23:18.062 <i>Then it's, Martha's Vineyard, clear skies, six miles visibility.</i>
- 23:18.063 --> 23:19.064 Uh-huh.
- 23:35.623 --> 23:37.707 What did she say exactly?
- 23:37.708 --> 23:39.627 She was nervous.
- 23:40.502 --> 23:42.087 I thought we moved past this.
- 23:43.547 --> 23:45.716 Neither of you are going to change overnight.
- 24:57.287 --> 25:00.081 - I'm gonna go sit with him for a bit. - Mm-hmm. Okay.
- 25:05.838 --> 25:07.714 Permission to enter the cockpit.
- 25:15.931 --> 25:20.561 Excuse me. Oh, fuck.
- 25:38.662 --> 25:39.997 I missed you.
- 25:42.541 --> 25:44.209 I had a feeling.
- 26:55.823 --> 26:58.241 Everything okay?
- 26:58.242 --> 27:00.743 Yeah, you should…
- 27:00.744 --> 27:02.245 You should go back to your seat.
- 27:09.086 --> 27:10.796 I want to sit with you.
- 27:37.865 --> 27:43.287 It's okay. Just breathe. John. Just breathe.
- 27:48.333 --> 27:49.626 Just breathe.
- 28:22.784 --> 28:24.952 United States Coast Guard Air Station Cape Cod.
- 28:24.953 --> 28:26.621 This is Petty Officer Rietta. How may I help you?
- 28:26.622 --> 28:28.789 <i>Yeah, I got a no-call no-show at Martha's Vineyard.</i>
- 28:28.790 --> 28:34.629 - Can I get the aircraft information? - <i>Piper Papa-Alpha-32-Romeo-301Saratoga.</i>
- 28:34.630 --> 28:37.758 - And the name of the pilot? - <i>John F. Kennedy Junior.</i>
- 28:38.258 --> 28:41.345 <i>...departing Essex County. Thirty miles in on approach.</i>
- 28:49.728 --> 28:51.605 It's all right, I got it. I got it.
- 28:59.446 --> 29:01.906 - Can I help you? - We're sorry to disturb you.
- 29:01.907 --> 29:04.116 We're from the Custer County Sheriff's Office.
- 29:04.117 --> 29:05.993 Your family's been trying to reach you on your cell,
- 29:05.994 --> 29:07.954 but we know there's no service out here.
- 29:07.955 --> 29:09.372 What is it? What's wrong?
- 29:09.373 --> 29:10.581 It's your brother, ma'am.
- 29:10.582 --> 29:13.001 His plane has been reported missing.
- 29:24.554 --> 29:26.348 Hello?
- 29:31.103 --> 29:32.104 What?
- 29:32.729 --> 29:36.066 I'm sorry, can you say that again?
- 29:38.402 --> 29:40.737 No, that's correct. That was my understanding.
- 29:41.488 --> 29:44.533 Well, I can wait if you wanna check. I don't think the answer's gonna change.
- 29:45.158 --> 29:47.201 They said they can have a plane ready for us within an hour.
- 29:47.202 --> 29:49.161 - Okay. - What do you wanna tell the kids?
- 29:49.162 --> 29:50.913 I don't know. I just… We have to get home.
- 29:50.914 --> 29:54.500 - Have you talked to the Hyannis Airport? - No, I wasn't able to get through.
- 29:54.501 --> 29:56.085 But Teddy said they didn't land there either.
- 29:56.086 --> 29:57.837 But we know they took off, right?
- 29:57.838 --> 30:00.632 Yes, we got confirmation from Essex County Airport.
- 30:01.842 --> 30:03.676 But I'm sure there's an explanation.
- 30:03.677 --> 30:06.012 <i>We begin tonight with breaking news.</i>
- 30:06.013 --> 30:09.432 <i>John F. Kennedy Jr.'s plane has been reported missing</i>
- 30:09.433 --> 30:11.726 <i>off the coast of Massachusetts.</i>
- 30:11.727 --> 30:15.563 <i>The Piper Saratoga allegedly disappeared from radar</i>
- 30:15.564 --> 30:19.316 <i>as it was en route from New Jersey to Martha's Vineyard.</i>
- 30:19.317 --> 30:21.861 <i>At this hour, the Coast Guard is stressing</i>
- 30:21.862 --> 30:24.905 <i>that this remains a search and rescue mission.</i>
- 30:24.906 --> 30:29.286 <i>Officials are urging anyone with information to come forward.</i>
- 30:30.787 --> 30:33.581 <i>What has happened to John F. Kennedy Jr.</i>
- 30:33.582 --> 30:36.333 <i>and his missing single-engine aircraft?</i>
- 30:36.334 --> 30:39.754 <i>The plane is believed to have carried not only John F. Kennedy Jr.,</i>
- 30:39.755 --> 30:44.300 <i>but his wife Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and her sister Lauren.</i>
- 30:44.301 --> 30:45.885 <i>They'd taken off from New Jersey,</i>
- 30:45.886 --> 30:47.636 <i>heading to Martha's Vineyard in Massachusetts</i>
- 30:47.637 --> 30:49.263 <i>for a Kennedy family wedding.</i>
- 30:49.264 --> 30:50.723 <i>The plane never arrived--</i>
- 30:58.190 --> 31:00.692 Senator Kennedy, I have the president on the line.
- 31:07.365 --> 31:09.034 Mr. President.
- 31:18.877 --> 31:20.128 I understand.
- 31:21.630 --> 31:26.635 We, um… We, uh, appreciate your efforts… …sir.
- 31:29.304 --> 31:30.931 Thank you for calling.
- 31:44.611 --> 31:46.780 Please don't say another word.
- 31:48.448 --> 31:50.200 I beg of you, please.
- 31:51.743 --> 31:53.745 Don't say anything.
- 31:57.916 --> 32:00.126 - They're reporting-- - I don't care what they're reporting, Ed.
- 32:00.127 --> 32:02.629 I'm not doing this again, okay?
- 32:03.588 --> 32:04.798 I will not.
- 32:13.682 --> 32:15.182 Why don't you come sit down?
- 32:15.183 --> 32:17.852 I'm not leaving, Ed. I'm staying right here, okay?
- 32:17.853 --> 32:19.771 As soon as I go out there…
- 32:22.649 --> 32:24.484 He was just here.
- 32:30.282 --> 32:32.616 He cannot be gone, Ed.
- 32:35.287 --> 32:37.873 He cannot be gone!
- 32:38.790 --> 32:41.625 That doesn't make any fucking sense! Do you understand me?
- 32:41.626 --> 32:44.545 That doesn't make any fucking sense. It doesn't make any fucking sense.
- 32:44.546 --> 32:46.213 He's not gone!
- 32:46.214 --> 32:49.259 He's not! He's not.
- 32:52.637 --> 32:53.805 Sweetheart…
- 32:56.057 --> 32:59.811 - It isn't true. - Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
- 33:02.689 --> 33:06.067 Please don't do this to me. I can't do it again.
- 33:09.613 --> 33:12.032 I can't do it again.
- 33:45.482 --> 33:47.191 Teddy called again.
- 33:47.192 --> 33:50.152 Um… We have to discuss the funeral arrangements.
- 33:50.153 --> 33:53.865 Where would you like to have it, St. Peter's Basilica?
- 33:54.574 --> 33:56.743 Well, what do you want me to tell him?
- 34:00.121 --> 34:02.874 That I'll let him know as soon as I make my decision.
- 34:05.126 --> 34:08.212 <i>The New York Times</i> called as well.
- 34:13.969 --> 34:17.305 He spent his whole life bound to that little boy…
- 34:21.476 --> 34:25.313 desperate to free himself from a tragedy he couldn't even remember.
- 34:30.819 --> 34:33.655 All he wanted was to simply be.
- 34:38.368 --> 34:42.205 All he'll be remembered for is what he could have become.
- 34:54.509 --> 34:57.136 If you're flying using visual navigation alone,
- 34:57.137 --> 34:59.847 relying on the lights of the coast, the horizon,
- 34:59.848 --> 35:01.807 instead of your flight instruments,
- 35:01.808 --> 35:05.060 and you're suddenly flying in the pitch black with haze everywhere,
- 35:05.061 --> 35:08.063 the ocean and sky essentially blend into this black hole,
- 35:08.064 --> 35:10.816 and you can experience what's called spatial disorientation,
- 35:10.817 --> 35:12.985 where you basically don't know which way is up.
- 35:12.986 --> 35:15.279 So you start course correcting the plane
- 35:15.280 --> 35:18.616 based on what your impaired brain is telling you, instead of reality.
- 35:18.617 --> 35:21.160 Would they have known they were going down?
- 35:21.161 --> 35:24.330 They would have known something was wrong, obviously,
- 35:24.331 --> 35:26.832 but no, not necessarily.
- 35:26.833 --> 35:28.792 I spoke to someone over at NTSB,
- 35:28.793 --> 35:31.962 and he explained it's like being taken under by a wave.
- 35:31.963 --> 35:33.214 The water is--
- 35:43.266 --> 35:46.060 Let me start by offering my deepest condolences.
- 35:46.061 --> 35:47.520 Where is she?
- 35:48.980 --> 35:50.648 - Sorry? - Your wife.
- 35:50.649 --> 35:52.983 She was supposed to be here. Where is she?
- 35:52.984 --> 35:55.903 I-I think she just felt, uh, in light of the circumstances,
- 35:55.904 --> 36:01.325 it would be better if I helped broker the arrangements for the remains.
- 36:01.326 --> 36:04.245 Is that right? Mmm.
- 36:07.916 --> 36:11.502 I assure you she was just trying to be mindful of your feelings.
- 36:11.503 --> 36:16.215 Oh, is that the pretext that her legal team concocted?
- 36:16.216 --> 36:17.342 My feelings?
- 36:17.967 --> 36:20.511 Because if it is, she should fire them.
- 36:20.512 --> 36:22.222 Why-Why don't we, uh…
- 36:25.809 --> 36:30.437 Uh, President Clinton has offered, uh, that John be buried
- 36:30.438 --> 36:35.609 in Arlington National Cemetery alongside President Kennedy and Jackie,
- 36:35.610 --> 36:37.236 next to the Eternal Flame.
- 36:37.237 --> 36:41.156 However, if we wanted to keep John and Carolyn together,
- 36:41.157 --> 36:43.742 we propose, uh, Holyhood,
- 36:43.743 --> 36:47.871 the Kennedy family burial plot in Brookline, Massachusetts.
- 36:47.872 --> 36:51.834 Why would my daughter be buried in a state she has no ties to?
- 36:51.835 --> 36:55.796 And are you suggesting those are my two choices,
- 36:55.797 --> 36:59.049 which you so kindly laid out for me?
- 36:59.050 --> 37:00.552 No, no, of course not.
- 37:01.469 --> 37:05.806 But if-if you prefer that Carolyn be buried with John,
- 37:05.807 --> 37:08.308 the family would insist that he be alongside
- 37:08.309 --> 37:10.436 the rest of the deceased Kennedy relatives.
- 37:10.437 --> 37:12.564 "The family would insist."
- 37:13.606 --> 37:17.901 The gall of you to sit there and try and dictate terms.
- 37:17.902 --> 37:21.905 No, I'm simply relaying the wishes of the Kennedy family.
- 37:21.906 --> 37:24.283 If the Kennedy family feels so strongly about this,
- 37:24.284 --> 37:25.952 why did they send you?
- 37:31.499 --> 37:34.168 Whatever you decide to do with Carolyn's remains--
- 37:34.169 --> 37:36.379 You keep saying her name.
- 37:37.255 --> 37:39.299 You keep saying "Carolyn."
- 37:39.924 --> 37:43.635 May I remind you that I had not one but two daughters
- 37:43.636 --> 37:46.097 on board that plane that he crashed?
- 38:52.247 --> 38:55.457 Your husband needs to work on his bedside manner.
- 38:55.458 --> 38:58.377 I think some wires might've gotten crossed.
- 38:58.378 --> 39:00.295 Oh, I assure you there was no misunderstanding
- 39:00.296 --> 39:02.506 in what he said or how he said it.
- 39:02.507 --> 39:03.924 Well, I…
- 39:03.925 --> 39:07.344 I know his intention was to concentrate on the logistics
- 39:07.345 --> 39:09.263 so as not to exacerbate the situation.
- 39:09.264 --> 39:13.268 Then maybe dispatch a less obtuse spokesperson next time.
- 39:18.147 --> 39:19.606 Maybe it's best I go.
- 39:19.607 --> 39:25.071 I'm not finished, and I will not be dismissed a second time.
- 39:29.784 --> 39:32.452 Some of the media are saying they crashed
- 39:32.453 --> 39:35.540 because Carolyn was getting her nails done,
- 39:36.165 --> 39:38.334 delayed their takeoff.
- 39:39.210 --> 39:43.755 Not that your brother wasn't equipped to fly at night and took off anyway,
- 39:43.756 --> 39:45.841 but that she held them back.
- 39:45.842 --> 39:47.427 Her vanity.
- 39:48.636 --> 39:50.680 Are you aware of that?
- 39:52.307 --> 39:55.225 I stopped reading the news.
- 39:55.226 --> 39:58.479 Well, I have nothing left to protect but their legacies.
- 40:00.732 --> 40:05.110 There are images of your brother beaming around the world
- 40:05.111 --> 40:08.363 on the cover of every newspaper and magazine.
- 40:08.364 --> 40:11.366 Carolyn's photo is usually on the inside,
- 40:11.367 --> 40:13.785 and Lauren is practically a footnote,
- 40:13.786 --> 40:19.000 but she wasn't famous, so I guess her face doesn't sell papers.
- 40:22.295 --> 40:26.966 My faith has allowed me to make sense of the world.
- 40:28.384 --> 40:34.056 Helping me understand the big existential questions.
- 40:34.057 --> 40:36.434 But now…
- 40:39.354 --> 40:44.359 there's just a deafening silence.
- 40:47.820 --> 40:52.367 I mean, how do you live in a world that doesn't make any sense?
- 40:53.743 --> 40:56.120 How do you even get out of bed?
- 41:00.959 --> 41:03.086 As soon as you open your eyes.
- 41:04.963 --> 41:08.800 One second longer and you realize the world you're waking up to is…
- 41:10.969 --> 41:13.262 painfully incomplete.
- 41:23.773 --> 41:27.901 When I was 18, I was living in London,
- 41:27.902 --> 41:31.030 staying with a family friend who was a member of Parliament.
- 41:32.615 --> 41:34.909 One night, we left his house and a bomb went off.
- 41:35.994 --> 41:39.079 The IRA had planted one under the front right tire of his car,
- 41:39.080 --> 41:42.375 and the only reason we weren't in it was because we were running late.
- 41:46.754 --> 41:49.966 I agonized over that for so many years.
- 41:52.719 --> 41:55.429 I couldn't understand why so many bad things had happened
- 41:55.430 --> 41:57.140 to people in my family.
- 41:57.890 --> 42:01.853 But for whatever reason, I was spared that day a bomb went off.
- 42:02.520 --> 42:05.605 The only thing I really gleaned from that experience was
- 42:05.606 --> 42:08.859 that there is no rhyme or reason
- 42:08.860 --> 42:12.405 as to why some of us get to stay here a little longer.
- 42:17.410 --> 42:20.663 All we know is that time doesn't belong to us.
- 42:23.124 --> 42:25.126 Nothing is promised.
- 42:32.717 --> 42:34.926 I'm sure you already know this about me by now,
- 42:34.927 --> 42:38.139 but I'm not someone who lets people in very easily.
- 42:39.891 --> 42:41.933 I don't know if it's because I question their motives
- 42:41.934 --> 42:47.523 or maybe it's because I have this feeling that the less people I know…
- 42:49.776 --> 42:52.779 the less people I'll inevitably have to grieve.
- 42:58.910 --> 43:01.913 I didn't know Lauren very well, unfortunately.
- 43:04.791 --> 43:07.919 But I knew she was incredibly smart,
- 43:08.669 --> 43:13.132 funny, beautiful, dynamic.
- 43:15.093 --> 43:17.261 But I did know Carolyn.
- 43:18.346 --> 43:20.556 And I knew she was struggling.
- 43:22.350 --> 43:24.560 And instead of reaching out to her…
- 43:29.440 --> 43:31.901 I will regret what I didn't do…
- 43:33.903 --> 43:36.864 …and what I could've done for the rest of my life.
- 43:40.910 --> 43:47.458 She said she didn't recognize who she had become.
- 43:51.295 --> 43:55.341 And now that person will be immortalized forever.
- 44:00.179 --> 44:04.724 I only wish she had lived long enough
- 44:04.725 --> 44:07.979 to be remembered for something else.
- 44:18.489 --> 44:20.324 I've heard people say,
- 44:21.450 --> 44:27.122 "I'm sorry for your loss" so many times over the course of my life.
- 44:27.123 --> 44:31.878 It just starts to sound like white noise, like when people say, "God bless you."
- 44:33.379 --> 44:35.798 But now I'm sitting here across from you…
- 44:40.136 --> 44:43.097 and all I wanna say is how sorry I am.
- 44:46.642 --> 44:48.603 But I also know that it's not enough.
- 44:49.228 --> 44:50.396 No.
- 44:52.273 --> 44:54.066 And it will never be enough.
- 45:16.547 --> 45:20.175 I'm remembering a conversation I had with John a while back,
- 45:20.176 --> 45:26.432 where he said he wanted to be cremated with his ashes spread across the sea.
- 45:28.351 --> 45:30.228 I was wondering if…
- 45:31.812 --> 45:37.777 maybe we could spread John, Carolyn, and Lauren's ashes together.
- 45:39.820 --> 45:41.405 As one.
- 47:14.957 --> 47:16.833 Cars are downstairs.
- 47:16.834 --> 47:18.502 Okay, thank you.
- 47:27.345 --> 47:31.891 I won't ask you how you're holding up. I always found that question moronic.
- 47:35.978 --> 47:37.688 I knew he was gone.
- 47:40.733 --> 47:46.072 As soon as I heard that pounding on the door, I just felt this shift.
- 47:47.323 --> 47:52.119 Just this overwhelming sense of dread.
- 47:54.330 --> 47:55.872 Oh, I felt that same way
- 47:55.873 --> 47:58.792 when I got the call about my parents' plane.
- 47:58.793 --> 48:03.380 I was 27 years old. I had three children and a newborn.
- 48:04.882 --> 48:08.760 I just remember the phone ringing in our house in Hyannis,
- 48:08.761 --> 48:11.429 and for whatever reason, I wouldn't answer it.
- 48:11.430 --> 48:14.558 And then it rang again. Again and again.
- 48:15.142 --> 48:18.103 I don't think I realized how young you were when that happened.
- 48:18.104 --> 48:20.856 I don't think I realized how young I was.
- 48:25.903 --> 48:31.950 I know I'm not a Kennedy by blood, but you and I are alike in a lot of ways.
- 48:31.951 --> 48:36.414 We take pride in our resolve and in our independence.
- 48:37.123 --> 48:40.126 That's why we're so averse to pity in all its forms.
- 48:41.252 --> 48:44.921 It's not enough we have to survive all this loss.
- 48:44.922 --> 48:48.049 We have to ensure that we're not defined by it.
- 48:48.050 --> 48:49.718 I… It's exhausting.
- 48:52.179 --> 48:55.266 It's hard to imagine a world in which I don't feel this way every day.
- 48:55.933 --> 48:59.228 Well, the grief is always gonna be there.
- 49:00.020 --> 49:03.731 But it's your relationship with the grief that changes.
- 49:03.732 --> 49:07.152 At some point, you realize you can do something with it.
- 49:07.153 --> 49:09.320 Because you felt you had no choice.
- 49:09.321 --> 49:13.325 No, because when I didn't have one, I knew I could.
- 49:16.537 --> 49:19.915 I understand the urge to retreat even further.
- 49:21.167 --> 49:25.588 To get away from the prying eyes and the concerned whispers.
- 49:26.255 --> 49:29.132 But privacy doesn't always ensure peace.
- 49:29.133 --> 49:33.553 If it did, I'd have vanished a long time ago.
- 49:33.554 --> 49:37.141 We are Kennedy women, and we're still here.
- 49:37.683 --> 49:39.643 And that can't be for nothing.
- 50:52.341 --> 50:54.760 "Death is nothing at all.
- 50:55.553 --> 50:57.096 It does not count.
- 50:58.013 --> 51:00.558 I have only slipped away into the next room.
- 51:01.225 --> 51:03.602 Nothing has happened.
- 51:05.771 --> 51:09.065 Everything remains exactly as it was.
- 51:09.066 --> 51:11.859 I am I, and you are you,
- 51:11.860 --> 51:15.113 and the old life that we lived so fondly together
- 51:15.114 --> 51:17.740 is untouched, unchanged.
- 51:17.741 --> 51:22.453 Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
- 51:22.454 --> 51:26.082 Call me by the old familiar name.
- 51:26.083 --> 51:30.462 Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
- 51:31.297 --> 51:34.550 Put no differences into your tone.
- 51:36.385 --> 51:40.431 Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
- 51:42.808 --> 51:47.521 Life means all that it ever meant.
- 51:48.981 --> 51:51.191 It is the same as it ever was."
- 51:56.947 --> 52:00.242 <i>"Do not stand by my grave and weep.</i>
- 52:03.495 --> 52:04.912 <i>I am not there.</i>
- 52:04.913 --> 52:06.081 <i>I do not sleep.</i>
- 52:17.092 --> 52:19.970 <i>I am the thousand winds that blow.</i>
- 52:20.929 --> 52:24.266 <i>I am the diamond glints in snow."</i>
- 52:48.957 --> 52:52.586 <i>"I am the sunlight of ripened grain.</i>
- 52:53.629 --> 52:56.215 <i>I am the gentle autumn rain.</i>
- 52:59.802 --> 53:02.388 <i>As you awake with morning's hush,</i>
- 53:05.307 --> 53:08.184 <i>I am the swift up-flinging rush."</i>
- 53:13.190 --> 53:16.151 <i>"Of quiet birds in circling flight,</i>
- 53:18.237 --> 53:21.407 <i>I am the day transcending night.</i>
- 53:40.801 --> 53:45.848 <i>Do not stand by my grave and cry.</i>
- 53:47.474 --> 53:49.267 <i>I am not there.</i>
- 53:49.268 --> 53:50.978 <i>I did not die."</i>
- 00:11.136 --> 00:14.514 [person] And this is a recurring dream that you're having?
- 00:16.183 --> 00:17.683 Yes.
- 00:17.684 --> 00:21.230 And in it, the two of you are riding in that convertible…
- 00:22.231 --> 00:26.150 in the motorcade in Dallas, only you're the one that's injured.
- 00:26.151 --> 00:28.527 - Mmm. - And what are you wearing?
- 00:28.528 --> 00:30.321 I'm wearing the same thing his mother wore.
- 00:30.322 --> 00:34.242 The pink tweed suit and the pillbox hat.
- 00:34.243 --> 00:36.118 - She hates wearing hats. - [Carolyn chuckles]
- 00:36.119 --> 00:38.037 I do. Um…
- 00:38.038 --> 00:39.914 Okay, well, obviously that's what tracks
- 00:39.915 --> 00:42.333 with what we're talking about in our sessions.
- 00:42.334 --> 00:49.006 The idea that you are paying the price for John's fame, for John's ambitions.
- 00:49.007 --> 00:53.761 It also speaks to an outsized fear of exposure of the real world.
- 00:53.762 --> 00:56.597 Hmm. Let's just try not to editorialize, okay?
- 00:56.598 --> 00:59.350 Well, maybe if I was at home sleeping with her in our bed,
- 00:59.351 --> 01:00.851 she wouldn't be having these nightmares.
- 01:00.852 --> 01:03.020 You were the one who decided to leave and now you're saying
- 01:03.021 --> 01:04.480 your absence is the problem? [chuckles]
- 01:04.481 --> 01:06.899 Yeah, so we wouldn't say anything we could never take back.
- 01:06.900 --> 01:09.652 Yeah, so you go on a walk, John. You don't move out.
- 01:09.653 --> 01:12.363 - I didn't move out. - You left and then you-you…
- 01:12.364 --> 01:13.447 Yeah, you didn't come back.
- 01:13.448 --> 01:15.283 - So how would you characterize that? - Oh, my God.
- 01:15.284 --> 01:17.827 And if that is your instinct, to bolt when things get hard,
- 01:17.828 --> 01:19.787 how can I trust you just won't keep doing it?
- 01:19.788 --> 01:22.456 I was the one that made it very clear that divorce was off the table.
- 01:22.457 --> 01:24.667 So I should just feel comforted
- 01:24.668 --> 01:26.794 that you have unilaterally issued that decree.
- 01:26.795 --> 01:30.214 It means that the only option in my mind is to make this marriage work.
- 01:30.215 --> 01:33.175 John, there is a difference between not wanting us to fail
- 01:33.176 --> 01:35.386 - and wanting us to succeed. - [sighs]
- 01:35.387 --> 01:37.513 John views our marriage through the lens of the media.
- 01:37.514 --> 01:41.267 He's more concerned with the optics of our issues than our actual issues.
- 01:41.268 --> 01:44.687 We cannot just ignore the fact that we live under a microscope
- 01:44.688 --> 01:47.565 - because it's inconvenient. - [scoffs] I cannot be the third person
- 01:47.566 --> 01:48.691 in my marriage.
- 01:48.692 --> 01:52.236 Spending the rest of my life competing with everyone else in the world,
- 01:52.237 --> 01:55.240 or his family's legacy, or his magazine.
- 01:57.409 --> 01:58.534 [sighs]
- 01:58.535 --> 02:01.579 Well, I know that this is going to sound counterintuitive,
- 02:01.580 --> 02:05.751 but just based on everything that I'm hearing,
- 02:06.418 --> 02:09.254 I would advise a trial separation.
- 02:12.549 --> 02:13.674 I'm sorry, what?
- 02:13.675 --> 02:17.720 [stammers] Uh, your advice for our marriage is divorce?
- 02:17.721 --> 02:18.804 No.
- 02:18.805 --> 02:23.893 But I think part of the reason that you two aren't finding any clarity
- 02:23.894 --> 02:29.565 is that you're… you're stuck in this sort of liminal space,
- 02:29.566 --> 02:34.945 and maybe if you severed contact for a little while,
- 02:34.946 --> 02:39.200 you would gain a clearer idea of what you're missing
- 02:39.201 --> 02:44.664 or what your life would actually look like without the other.
- 02:44.665 --> 02:47.166 - [Carolyn] Mm-hmm. - Like, for how long?
- 02:47.167 --> 02:49.127 Yeah, like-like one, two weeks?
- 02:49.753 --> 02:51.879 A month, maybe two.
- 02:51.880 --> 02:56.133 [inhales sharply] Um, do you have, like, too many clients, or…
- 02:56.134 --> 02:57.218 No.
- 02:57.219 --> 03:01.764 No, I mean, you obviously would see me, you just wouldn't see each other.
- 03:01.765 --> 03:04.350 I can't not talk to my wife for a month.
- 03:04.351 --> 03:06.060 Yeah, I don't want to do that either.
- 03:06.061 --> 03:09.606 [stutters] I mean, I don't think I could even if you asked me to. [chuckles]
- 03:10.482 --> 03:15.111 Well, I mean, you won't come together, you won't let go,
- 03:15.112 --> 03:18.906 and instead, you are just white-knuckling this marriage
- 03:18.907 --> 03:20.450 into a downward spiral.
- 03:47.602 --> 03:49.187 What happened to one cigarette a day?
- 03:49.980 --> 03:51.439 We're drinking at a dive bar
- 03:51.440 --> 03:53.900 in the middle of a workday after marriage counseling.
- 03:54.401 --> 03:57.446 I'd say my discipline is shot for the day.
- 04:00.699 --> 04:04.661 [inhales, exhales sharply]
- 04:12.544 --> 04:13.587 You know something funny?
- 04:15.046 --> 04:18.591 When I'm at the Stanhope reminiscing about our life together,
- 04:18.592 --> 04:20.760 I never replay the bad moments in my head.
- 04:21.344 --> 04:25.765 All I think about is us at our best, laughing,
- 04:25.766 --> 04:28.310 - always reaching out for each other. - [sighs]
- 04:29.227 --> 04:31.562 It's never enough for us to just be in the same room.
- 04:31.563 --> 04:34.733 We always have to feel each other to know that we're really there.
- 04:35.650 --> 04:36.942 And then when we get together,
- 04:36.943 --> 04:39.945 it's all we can do not to rehash every fight we've ever had.
- 04:39.946 --> 04:42.282 I don't think we're totally to blame.
- 04:43.533 --> 04:47.787 Our marriage counselor hates us.
- 04:47.788 --> 04:49.747 - [laughs] - [laughs] Yeah.
- 04:49.748 --> 04:53.375 I mean, I think she's going to become a divorce mediator because of us.
- 04:53.376 --> 04:54.377 [John chuckles]
- 04:55.003 --> 04:56.629 You know what I was thinking about the other day?
- 04:56.630 --> 05:01.008 - Hmm? - That trip we took to Honduras
- 05:01.009 --> 05:04.845 when you got poison ivy everywhere and I had to wrap your hands in socks
- 05:04.846 --> 05:06.013 to keep you from itching.
- 05:06.014 --> 05:11.143 - There was calamine lotion everywhere. - Yeah, one big, pink man.
- 05:11.144 --> 05:12.394 Very messy.
- 05:12.395 --> 05:15.105 What about that time we had sex on the rooftop in Paris
- 05:15.106 --> 05:16.857 - and you almost got electrocuted? - [laughs]
- 05:16.858 --> 05:18.151 Worth it.
- 05:27.994 --> 05:29.411 If only we knew then.
- 05:29.412 --> 05:30.664 What?
- 05:34.042 --> 05:35.460 How good we had it.
- 05:38.630 --> 05:40.423 [♪ "All I Need" playing]
- 05:46.596 --> 05:47.680 We should get going.
- 05:47.681 --> 05:50.225 One more drink in this place and we really will be a sob story.
- 05:51.810 --> 05:52.811 [clears throat]
- 05:53.436 --> 05:55.355 - Hey. - Sorry.
- 05:56.147 --> 05:57.232 It's okay.
- 05:59.317 --> 06:04.114 Do you mind if I drop by and, um, get that linen blazer?
- 06:06.283 --> 06:11.370 <i>♪ All in all there's something to give ♪</i>
- 06:11.371 --> 06:14.666 <i>♪ All in all there's something to live ♪</i>
- 06:15.917 --> 06:19.712 - <i>♪ With you ♪</i> - <i>♪ Ooh ♪</i>
- 06:19.713 --> 06:20.963 [belt buckle rattles]
- 06:20.964 --> 06:24.967 - <i>♪ With you ♪</i> - <i>♪ Ooh-ahh ♪</i>
- 06:24.968 --> 06:27.721 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪</i>
- 06:30.098 --> 06:33.184 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪</i>
- 06:34.686 --> 06:37.063 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪</i>
- 06:40.066 --> 06:42.944 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪</i>
- 06:45.530 --> 06:48.325 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪</i>
- 06:54.331 --> 06:56.166 Best kiss we've ever had?
- 06:57.459 --> 07:00.002 It has to be our first outside your apartment.
- 07:00.003 --> 07:01.963 No. No, that doesn't count.
- 07:03.673 --> 07:04.882 I mean as a couple.
- 07:04.883 --> 07:06.926 - Mmm, there have been lots. - Yeah.
- 07:09.512 --> 07:10.596 Jones Beach?
- 07:10.597 --> 07:12.849 - Which time? - [chuckles]
- 07:14.184 --> 07:17.103 What about by that fire in that lodge in Montana?
- 07:20.231 --> 07:22.316 No, I remember what it was.
- 07:22.317 --> 07:24.569 Fuck! I'm so late.
- 07:28.948 --> 07:30.742 Hey, wait, give me a kiss.
- 07:31.284 --> 07:32.285 [keys jingling]
- 07:34.454 --> 07:36.872 - Bye. I'll see you later, yeah? - Mm-hmm.
- 07:36.873 --> 07:39.792 Okay. Love you.
- 07:39.793 --> 07:41.419 - Love you. Bye. - Bye.
- 07:42.671 --> 07:43.672 [elevator bell dings]
- 07:47.342 --> 07:49.009 That's not what I had in mind.
- 07:49.010 --> 07:50.970 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪</i>
- 07:53.390 --> 07:56.393 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪</i>
- 07:58.186 --> 07:59.854 [Carolyn chuckles]
- 08:03.483 --> 08:06.820 <i>♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪</i>
- 08:11.783 --> 08:12.909 [elevator bell dings]
- 08:16.329 --> 08:18.331 [♪ "All I Need" continues]
- 08:36.516 --> 08:38.309 [♪ "All I Need" ends]
- 08:46.234 --> 08:48.236 [rustling]
- 08:49.654 --> 08:51.031 [footsteps]
- 08:53.366 --> 08:55.660 [John] Here you go, buddy. [grunts]
- 08:59.664 --> 09:01.166 [groans]
- 09:15.138 --> 09:16.388 [Carolyn] Morning.
- 09:16.389 --> 09:18.016 - Hi. - Hi.
- 09:21.644 --> 09:23.854 - Sorry, I didn't wanna wake you. - No, that's fine.
- 09:23.855 --> 09:26.441 - I know you haven't been sleeping well. - It's okay.
- 09:28.902 --> 09:30.737 I have a 9:00 a.m. breakfast.
- 09:32.489 --> 09:35.116 Gotcha. [sniffles]
- 09:36.618 --> 09:38.869 - I can cancel it. - No. No, that's fine.
- 09:38.870 --> 09:43.291 I just, um… I thought maybe we might wanna talk about last night.
- 09:44.292 --> 09:46.669 - Yeah? - Yeah. [chuckles]
- 09:49.631 --> 09:52.175 I mean, do you feel bad?
- 09:53.384 --> 09:54.761 Uh… No.
- 09:55.762 --> 09:57.679 I… I don't know.
- 09:57.680 --> 10:01.059 Do you feel good about what's happening right now?
- 10:03.311 --> 10:04.562 Why don't we meet for lunch?
- 10:06.564 --> 10:09.901 You-You know what, it's probably best we just talk about it at counseling anyway.
- 10:12.278 --> 10:14.029 Do you think we tell Colleen?
- 10:14.030 --> 10:17.575 I mean, we kind of did exactly the opposite of what she asked us to.
- 10:21.704 --> 10:22.913 John, I'm confused.
- 10:22.914 --> 10:27.292 Are we angling for a gold star here or trying to save our marriage?
- 10:27.293 --> 10:30.671 I mean, I just don't want her to think that we're any more self-destructive
- 10:30.672 --> 10:32.048 than she already does.
- 10:35.385 --> 10:36.845 Am I seeing you at the <i>George</i> gala?
- 10:37.512 --> 10:40.557 No, John, I j… I just can't right now.
- 10:41.141 --> 10:42.142 [John sighs]
- 10:42.851 --> 10:46.312 So then I assume Rory's wedding is off the table.
- 10:48.273 --> 10:50.650 I love you, but you still don't get it.
- 10:52.360 --> 10:55.112 It's not as easy for me as it is for you.
- 10:55.113 --> 10:56.780 What isn't?
- 10:56.781 --> 10:58.867 Pretending like everything's okay.
- 11:00.368 --> 11:03.454 I can assure you that this is anything but easy for me.
- 11:05.039 --> 11:06.374 Talk to you later?
- 11:07.917 --> 11:08.918 Yeah.
- 11:11.296 --> 11:13.464 [breathes heavily, grunts]
- 11:19.721 --> 11:21.431 [elevator bell dings]
- 11:23.683 --> 11:26.186 I don't think I've been back here since she died.
- 11:28.062 --> 11:29.313 You look terrible.
- 11:29.314 --> 11:32.649 - Wow. Mom really is here with us. - You're graying.
- 11:32.650 --> 11:35.528 - Yeah, well, stress will do that to you. - Mmm.
- 11:42.035 --> 11:43.328 Sit down.
- 11:46.998 --> 11:48.333 It's a lot.
- 11:51.294 --> 11:54.380 But you have to ask yourself what's actually within your control.
- 11:55.465 --> 11:57.133 And what can you save?
- 11:58.301 --> 12:00.761 - She won't forgive me. - For what?
- 12:00.762 --> 12:04.431 Ruining her life, destroying her anonymity,
- 12:04.432 --> 12:06.184 failing to protect her.
- 12:06.851 --> 12:08.644 I mean, I remember sitting here with Mom
- 12:08.645 --> 12:10.979 and her telling me that any woman I ended up with
- 12:10.980 --> 12:13.774 would be under the illusion that we were entering a partnership,
- 12:13.775 --> 12:18.321 when in reality, they just have to orbit me like everybody else.
- 12:20.448 --> 12:23.825 She was married to the president of the United States.
- 12:23.826 --> 12:26.454 All she knew was how to orbit a great man.
- 12:27.497 --> 12:30.458 But you aren't Dad, and Carolyn isn't the First Lady.
- 12:33.044 --> 12:36.797 John, you dated countless women who were more than willing to let you
- 12:36.798 --> 12:39.300 be the center of the universe and none of them stuck.
- 12:39.884 --> 12:42.678 And then you found someone who wasn't willing to contort themselves
- 12:42.679 --> 12:46.307 into whatever they thought you needed, and you fell in love.
- 12:47.850 --> 12:51.270 And now those qualities, that fire, that self-possession
- 12:51.271 --> 12:53.730 aren't serving you anymore, and you're crying foul?
- 12:53.731 --> 12:56.442 I have tried everything in my power to make her happy.
- 12:57.777 --> 12:58.902 [sighs]
- 12:58.903 --> 13:00.779 What she's asking of you feels unreasonable
- 13:00.780 --> 13:03.490 because no one has ever asked it of you before.
- 13:03.491 --> 13:07.369 Your whole life, people have been willing to take whatever pieces of yourself
- 13:07.370 --> 13:09.455 you're willing to give them, but she isn't.
- 13:11.291 --> 13:13.334 And she was never gonna be someone who would be.
- 13:19.340 --> 13:22.217 I know you've been made to feel like your life is predestined,
- 13:22.218 --> 13:25.096 but that doesn't mean you are powerless to change it.
- 13:28.641 --> 13:31.352 The question is do you love her enough to do that?
- 13:38.651 --> 13:40.028 [John sighs]
- 13:51.122 --> 13:52.749 - [horn honks] - [Lauren] Thank you.
- 13:53.374 --> 13:54.584 [Lauren sighs]
- 13:55.710 --> 13:57.628 - [grunts] - Thank you.
- 14:00.423 --> 14:01.758 I spoke to John earlier.
- 14:04.802 --> 14:06.929 He called to ask how you were doing.
- 14:08.389 --> 14:09.681 - [sighs] - Well, what'd you tell him?
- 14:09.682 --> 14:12.060 I said pick up the phone and call her yourself.
- 14:16.481 --> 14:18.148 He did offer to drop me off in the Vineyard
- 14:18.149 --> 14:21.569 - on his way to Rory's wedding. - Mmm. That'll butter you up.
- 14:23.905 --> 14:25.155 Did you say yes?
- 14:25.156 --> 14:27.909 Well, I'm not going to turn down a ride on a summer Friday.
- 14:29.160 --> 14:30.411 Hmm.
- 14:31.245 --> 14:33.581 You should have seen him when I came downstairs this morning.
- 14:34.248 --> 14:37.167 Just heading off to work like it was any normal day.
- 14:37.168 --> 14:39.753 Well, did you say, "Hey, can you cancel your meeting?
- 14:39.754 --> 14:40.837 We really have to talk"?
- 14:40.838 --> 14:42.381 I shouldn't have to.
- 14:43.007 --> 14:44.424 It's not my job to edify us.
- 14:44.425 --> 14:47.762 Well then, you clearly weren't that desperate to communicate either.
- 14:48.596 --> 14:52.641 You know, you think because of our shit with Dad
- 14:52.642 --> 14:55.019 - that him leaving's the ultimate betrayal… - Lauren.
- 14:55.520 --> 15:00.483 …but this is also you projecting shit onto John that has nothing to do with him.
- 15:01.776 --> 15:04.611 If you really wanted to work on this relationship,
- 15:04.612 --> 15:09.116 you would swallow your pride, jettison this compulsion to be right
- 15:09.117 --> 15:11.619 and do what's in the best interest of your relationship.
- 15:13.663 --> 15:15.957 All I've done is compromise for him, Lauren.
- 15:16.707 --> 15:19.376 It's only compromise if it's by your own volition,
- 15:19.377 --> 15:21.253 but you can't cling to the past
- 15:21.254 --> 15:23.422 and work towards the future at the same time.
- 15:25.842 --> 15:27.342 [♪ "Here with Me" playing]
- 15:27.343 --> 15:29.219 [photojournalist 1] Right here. John!
- 15:29.220 --> 15:31.513 [photojournalist 2] Are you and your wife getting a divorce?
- 15:31.514 --> 15:32.764 Thank you all for being here.
- 15:32.765 --> 15:36.227 <i>♪ I didn't hear you leave ♪</i>
- 15:37.145 --> 15:40.147 <i>♪ I wonder how am I still here ♪</i>
- 15:40.148 --> 15:42.399 Carolyn and I could renew our vows in Times Square
- 15:42.400 --> 15:45.026 and the press would brand it a charged altercation.
- 15:45.027 --> 15:47.864 <i>♪ And I don't want to move a thing ♪</i>
- 15:48.948 --> 15:52.743 <i>♪ It might change my memory ♪</i>
- 15:57.165 --> 16:00.375 - [photojournalist 3] Carolyn! - [photojournalist 4] Over here. Here.
- 16:00.376 --> 16:02.169 <i>♪ I'll do what I want ♪</i>
- 16:02.170 --> 16:06.716 <i>♪ But I can't hide ♪</i>
- 16:07.258 --> 16:09.385 <i>♪ And I won't go ♪</i>
- 16:10.261 --> 16:12.471 <i>♪ I won't sleep ♪</i>
- 16:13.181 --> 16:16.308 <i>♪ I can't breathe ♪</i>
- 16:16.309 --> 16:19.311 <i>♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪</i>
- 16:19.312 --> 16:21.688 <i>♪ And I won't leave ♪</i>
- 16:21.689 --> 16:23.523 <i>♪ And I can't hide ♪</i>
- 16:23.524 --> 16:24.941 [John] Excuse me.
- 16:24.942 --> 16:26.735 Hi. You look beautiful.
- 16:26.736 --> 16:29.155 - Thank you. - What made you change your mind?
- 16:29.989 --> 16:32.073 I know how important this is to you.
- 16:32.074 --> 16:33.326 [photojournalist 5] This way, please!
- 16:35.369 --> 16:37.288 And I know I wanna try.
- 16:38.164 --> 16:41.082 <i>♪ I don't want to call my friends ♪</i>
- 16:41.083 --> 16:42.876 [photojournalists clamoring]
- 16:42.877 --> 16:46.005 <i>♪ They might wake me from this dream ♪</i>
- 16:48.633 --> 16:51.009 <i>♪ Oh, I am what I am ♪</i>
- 16:51.010 --> 16:53.471 [photojournalist 4] Look at John. Look over at John.
- 16:54.513 --> 16:59.726 <i>♪ But I can't hide ♪</i>
- 16:59.727 --> 17:01.519 <i>♪ And I won't go ♪</i>
- 17:01.520 --> 17:02.812 [camera shutters clicking]
- 17:02.813 --> 17:05.273 <i>♪ I won't sleep ♪</i>
- 17:05.274 --> 17:08.443 <i>♪ And I can't breathe ♪</i>
- 17:08.444 --> 17:14.032 <i>♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪</i>
- 17:14.033 --> 17:16.077 [♪ "Here with Me" ends]
- 17:25.169 --> 17:27.296 [♪ pensive music playing]
- 17:39.850 --> 17:41.394 [doorbell chimes]
- 17:47.692 --> 17:48.984 You're early.
- 17:48.985 --> 17:51.194 Well, I knew if I was late and you stormed out,
- 17:51.195 --> 17:52.529 I wouldn't be able to catch you.
- 17:52.530 --> 17:54.991 [chuckles]
- 17:59.161 --> 18:00.704 - [glasses clink] - [chuckles]
- 18:00.705 --> 18:02.373 [♪ pensive music ends]
- 18:04.625 --> 18:06.334 This your go-to date spot?
- 18:06.335 --> 18:09.588 What can I say? I'm a sucker for a laminated menu.
- 18:09.589 --> 18:10.590 [chuckles]
- 18:14.969 --> 18:17.012 Do you know what I remember about that first date?
- 18:17.013 --> 18:20.057 - [sighs] That my bike got stolen? - [chuckles]
- 18:21.642 --> 18:24.729 That, and…
- 18:28.232 --> 18:31.443 You said you felt like you had a sign over your head that read,
- 18:31.444 --> 18:34.947 "The Hunk Flunks" and that that was all people saw when they looked at you.
- 18:35.448 --> 18:37.866 And I remember asking you what your sign read,
- 18:37.867 --> 18:39.327 and you wouldn't tell me.
- 18:39.910 --> 18:41.244 And you still haven't told me.
- 18:41.245 --> 18:42.955 I don't think I've told anyone.
- 18:48.419 --> 18:50.713 Because if you knew what my sign said…
- 18:52.381 --> 18:55.508 "Please handle with care, not as tough as she looks,"
- 18:55.509 --> 18:57.011 then the jig would've been up.
- 18:58.262 --> 19:01.932 There'd be no mystery for you to solve, no defense system to disarm.
- 19:04.477 --> 19:07.104 [smacks lips] And therefore, no reason to stay.
- 19:08.022 --> 19:09.231 But then I met you…
- 19:11.442 --> 19:14.487 and I fell in love with you and I didn't want to do that anymore.
- 19:17.031 --> 19:20.451 I wanted to let you in. [breathes shakily]
- 19:23.663 --> 19:26.207 You made me realize that I'm someone who…
- 19:27.792 --> 19:32.170 who wants to be loved and nurtured…
- 19:32.171 --> 19:35.883 [inhales deeply] …and taken care of and…
- 19:36.425 --> 19:37.426 [sighs]
- 19:44.517 --> 19:46.519 How do we know we won't hurt each other?
- 19:47.728 --> 19:48.896 We don't.
- 19:50.106 --> 19:52.066 - We just know that we wanna try. - [sniffles]
- 19:52.566 --> 19:56.152 And build a life for ourselves, as partners.
- 19:56.153 --> 19:58.071 And what does that look like, though, John?
- 19:58.072 --> 20:02.492 Because I don't think our marriage can withstand any more scrutiny.
- 20:02.493 --> 20:04.328 I know. [sighs]
- 20:04.829 --> 20:07.330 And part of that means I have to reexamine
- 20:07.331 --> 20:10.793 my relationship with everyone and everything that isn't you.
- 20:11.627 --> 20:13.128 Because you come first.
- 20:13.129 --> 20:15.423 But I don't want you to feel like you have to choose.
- 20:16.090 --> 20:19.634 I know you've been burdened with unfathomable expectations,
- 20:19.635 --> 20:21.928 and I would never fault you for trying to meet them.
- 20:21.929 --> 20:22.972 Carolyn.
- 20:23.556 --> 20:27.393 You're the one thing in my life that I know that I'm destined for.
- 20:29.311 --> 20:30.646 I love you.
- 20:34.525 --> 20:36.444 [smacks lips] I love you too.
- 20:43.200 --> 20:48.414 You know, I was thinking, if you're up for it, you and I could go on a trip.
- 20:50.416 --> 20:52.376 - Where? - Anywhere you want.
- 20:53.085 --> 20:56.630 - Paris. Belize. Tahiti. - [laughs]
- 20:58.758 --> 21:01.802 - For how long? - Till we decide to come home.
- 21:02.470 --> 21:04.513 Wherever that might be for us.
- 21:06.182 --> 21:08.391 I'll be back on Sunday from Rory's wedding.
- 21:08.392 --> 21:09.851 Why don't we pull out a world map
- 21:09.852 --> 21:12.813 and find the most remote island no one's ever heard of.
- 21:14.148 --> 21:16.399 I forgot about that, um…
- 21:16.400 --> 21:19.110 - Rory's… Rory's wedding. - Don't even worry about it.
- 21:19.111 --> 21:21.572 - Caroline's not even going. - No, I wanna go.
- 21:22.865 --> 21:24.158 You do?
- 21:27.203 --> 21:28.329 Yeah.
- 21:31.665 --> 21:33.459 I miss dancing with you.
- 21:35.878 --> 21:37.630 I miss dancing with you.
- 21:38.172 --> 21:40.007 [Carolyn chuckles]
- 22:09.995 --> 22:12.540 That might've been even better than the first time.
- 22:17.336 --> 22:18.587 I should go.
- 22:21.215 --> 22:23.092 Gotta find a dress.
- 22:29.431 --> 22:32.267 - What if we're jumping the gun? - [Lauren] <i>What do you mean?</i>
- 22:32.268 --> 22:34.727 It's just we're finally getting to a good place,
- 22:34.728 --> 22:37.939 and I don't know if subjecting ourselves to the prying eyes
- 22:37.940 --> 22:40.942 of a massive Kennedy wedding is the move for us right now.
- 22:40.943 --> 22:43.111 <i>It's normal to feel anxious and apprehensive,</i>
- 22:43.112 --> 22:44.863 <i>but you two are going into this weekend</i>
- 22:44.864 --> 22:47.782 <i>with a completely different mindset than in the past.</i>
- 22:47.783 --> 22:49.868 - <i>Go get your nails done.</i> - [sighs]
- 22:49.869 --> 22:51.077 <i>Go from there.</i>
- 22:51.078 --> 22:53.413 - Okay. Okay. - <i>One step at a time.</i>
- 22:53.414 --> 22:55.791 <i>- See you soon.</i> - Thanks, Laur. See you soon.
- 22:57.626 --> 22:59.628 [♪ uplifting music playing]
- 23:01.297 --> 23:02.547 [line ringing]
- 23:02.548 --> 23:05.300 - [operator] <i>Hyannis Port.</i> - Hey, this is John Kennedy.
- 23:05.301 --> 23:07.969 Requesting a standard weather briefing for a VFR flight
- 23:07.970 --> 23:11.014 from Essex County to Martha's Vineyard departing around 6:00 p.m.
- 23:11.015 --> 23:12.265 - <i>Okay, you got Essex County…</i> - Uh-huh.
- 23:12.266 --> 23:15.602 <i>- …clear skies, four-mile visibility.</i> - Uh-huh.
- 23:15.603 --> 23:18.062 <i>Then it's, Martha's Vineyard, clear skies, six miles visibility.</i>
- 23:18.063 --> 23:19.064 Uh-huh.
- 23:20.774 --> 23:23.569 - [paparazzi clamoring] - [camera shutters clicking]
- 23:35.623 --> 23:37.707 What did she say exactly?
- 23:37.708 --> 23:39.627 - She was nervous. - [stammers, sighs]
- 23:40.502 --> 23:42.087 I thought we moved past this.
- 23:43.547 --> 23:45.716 Neither of you are going to change overnight.
- 23:48.177 --> 23:49.261 [sighs]
- 24:09.907 --> 24:11.909 [plane engine drones]
- 24:57.287 --> 25:00.081 - I'm gonna go sit with him for a bit. - Mm-hmm. Okay.
- 25:00.082 --> 25:02.042 [Carolyn unbuckles seat belt]
- 25:05.838 --> 25:07.714 - Permission to enter the cockpit. - [chuckling]
- 25:07.715 --> 25:09.049 [Carolyn chuckles]
- 25:15.931 --> 25:20.561 - Excuse me. [chuckling] Oh, fuck. - [chuckling]
- 25:31.488 --> 25:33.824 [seat belt clicks]
- 25:36.285 --> 25:37.411 [sighs]
- 25:38.662 --> 25:39.997 I missed you.
- 25:42.541 --> 25:44.209 I had a feeling.
- 26:24.875 --> 26:27.836 [♪ ominous music playing]
- 26:32.925 --> 26:34.675 [meters chime]
- 26:34.676 --> 26:37.805 [plane rattling]
- 26:51.151 --> 26:53.237 [alarm beeping]
- 26:55.823 --> 26:58.241 - [switch clicks] - Everything okay?
- 26:58.242 --> 27:00.743 - [alarm beeping stops] - Yeah, you should…
- 27:00.744 --> 27:02.245 You should go back to your seat.
- 27:02.246 --> 27:04.289 [plane continues rattling]
- 27:09.086 --> 27:10.796 I want to sit with you.
- 27:17.511 --> 27:20.264 [breathes heavily]
- 27:32.067 --> 27:35.194 [alarm blaring]
- 27:35.195 --> 27:37.030 - [switch clicks] - [alarm blaring stops]
- 27:37.865 --> 27:43.287 It's okay. Just breathe. John. Just breathe.
- 27:44.204 --> 27:46.874 [breathing heavily]
- 27:48.333 --> 27:49.626 Just breathe.
- 28:20.699 --> 28:22.242 [ringing]
- 28:22.784 --> 28:24.952 United States Coast Guard Air Station Cape Cod.
- 28:24.953 --> 28:26.621 This is Petty Officer Rietta. How may I help you?
- 28:26.622 --> 28:28.789 [air traffic controller] <i>Yeah, I got a no-call no-show at Martha's Vineyard.</i>
- 28:28.790 --> 28:34.629 - Can I get the aircraft information? - <i>Piper Papa-Alpha-32-Romeo-301Saratoga.</i>
- 28:34.630 --> 28:37.758 - And the name of the pilot? - <i>John F. Kennedy Junior.</i>
- 28:38.258 --> 28:41.345 <i>...departing Essex County. Thirty miles in on approach.</i>
- 28:42.846 --> 28:44.263 [laughing]
- 28:44.264 --> 28:45.474 [banging on door]
- 28:47.893 --> 28:49.727 [banging continues]
- 28:49.728 --> 28:51.605 It's all right, I got it. I got it.
- 28:53.440 --> 28:54.649 [banging continues]
- 28:54.650 --> 28:56.652 [chattering on radio]
- 28:59.446 --> 29:01.906 - Can I help you? - [officer] We're sorry to disturb you.
- 29:01.907 --> 29:04.116 We're from the Custer County Sheriff's Office.
- 29:04.117 --> 29:05.993 Your family's been trying to reach you on your cell,
- 29:05.994 --> 29:07.954 but we know there's no service out here.
- 29:07.955 --> 29:09.372 What is it? What's wrong?
- 29:09.373 --> 29:10.581 It's your brother, ma'am.
- 29:10.582 --> 29:13.001 His plane has been reported missing.
- 29:15.671 --> 29:17.714 [phone ringing]
- 29:19.967 --> 29:21.093 [Ann grunts]
- 29:24.554 --> 29:26.348 Hello? [clears throat]
- 29:31.103 --> 29:32.104 What?
- 29:32.729 --> 29:36.066 [stutters] I'm sorry, can you say that again?
- 29:38.402 --> 29:40.737 [Ed] No, that's correct. That was my understanding.
- 29:41.488 --> 29:44.533 Well, I can wait if you wanna check. I don't think the answer's gonna change.
- 29:45.158 --> 29:47.201 They said they can have a plane ready for us within an hour.
- 29:47.202 --> 29:49.161 - Okay. - What do you wanna tell the kids?
- 29:49.162 --> 29:50.913 I don't know. I just… We have to get home.
- 29:50.914 --> 29:54.500 - Have you talked to the Hyannis Airport? - No, I wasn't able to get through.
- 29:54.501 --> 29:56.085 But Teddy said they didn't land there either.
- 29:56.086 --> 29:57.837 But we know they took off, right?
- 29:57.838 --> 30:00.632 Yes, we got confirmation from Essex County Airport.
- 30:01.842 --> 30:03.676 But I'm sure there's an explanation.
- 30:03.677 --> 30:06.012 <i>We begin tonight with breaking news.</i>
- 30:06.013 --> 30:09.432 <i>John F. Kennedy Jr.'s plane has been reported missing</i>
- 30:09.433 --> 30:11.726 <i>off the coast of Massachusetts.</i>
- 30:11.727 --> 30:15.563 <i>The Piper Saratoga allegedly disappeared from radar</i>
- 30:15.564 --> 30:19.316 <i>as it was en route from New Jersey to Martha's Vineyard.</i>
- 30:19.317 --> 30:21.861 <i>At this hour, the Coast Guard is stressing</i>
- 30:21.862 --> 30:24.905 <i>that this remains a search and rescue mission.</i>
- 30:24.906 --> 30:29.286 <i>Officials are urging anyone with information to come forward.</i>
- 30:30.787 --> 30:33.581 [Dan Rather] <i>What has happened to John F. Kennedy Jr.</i>
- 30:33.582 --> 30:36.333 <i>and his missing single-engine aircraft?</i>
- 30:36.334 --> 30:39.754 <i>The plane is believed to have carried not only John F. Kennedy Jr.,</i>
- 30:39.755 --> 30:44.300 <i>but his wife Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and her sister Lauren.</i>
- 30:44.301 --> 30:45.885 <i>They'd taken off from New Jersey,</i>
- 30:45.886 --> 30:47.636 <i>heading to Martha's Vineyard in Massachusetts</i>
- 30:47.637 --> 30:49.263 <i>for a Kennedy family wedding.</i>
- 30:49.264 --> 30:50.723 <i>- The plane never arrived--</i> - [turns off TV]
- 30:50.724 --> 30:53.143 [Caroline cries]
- 30:58.190 --> 31:00.692 Senator Kennedy, I have the president on the line.
- 31:07.365 --> 31:09.034 Mr. President.
- 31:18.877 --> 31:20.128 I understand.
- 31:21.630 --> 31:26.635 We, um… We, uh, appreciate your efforts… [sniffles] …sir.
- 31:29.304 --> 31:30.931 Thank you for calling.
- 31:34.434 --> 31:35.435 [phone beeps]
- 31:38.230 --> 31:41.775 [breathes heavily]
- 31:44.611 --> 31:46.780 Please don't say another word.
- 31:48.448 --> 31:50.200 I beg of you, please.
- 31:51.743 --> 31:53.745 Don't say anything.
- 31:57.916 --> 32:00.126 - They're reporting-- - I don't care what they're reporting, Ed.
- 32:00.127 --> 32:02.629 I'm not doing this again, okay?
- 32:03.588 --> 32:04.798 I will not.
- 32:07.717 --> 32:10.052 [Caroline breathing shakily, sobbing]
- 32:10.053 --> 32:11.054 [sniffles]
- 32:13.682 --> 32:15.182 Why don't you come sit down?
- 32:15.183 --> 32:17.852 I'm not leaving, Ed. I'm staying right here, okay?
- 32:17.853 --> 32:19.771 As soon as I go out there…
- 32:22.649 --> 32:24.484 He was just here.
- 32:30.282 --> 32:32.616 He cannot be gone, Ed.
- 32:32.617 --> 32:34.619 [♪ melancholy music playing]
- 32:35.287 --> 32:37.873 He cannot be gone!
- 32:38.790 --> 32:41.625 That doesn't make any fucking sense! Do you understand me?
- 32:41.626 --> 32:44.545 That doesn't make any fucking sense. It doesn't make any fucking sense.
- 32:44.546 --> 32:46.213 He's not gone!
- 32:46.214 --> 32:49.259 - [mutters] - He's not! He's not.
- 32:50.927 --> 32:52.636 [sobbing]
- 32:52.637 --> 32:53.805 Sweetheart…
- 32:56.057 --> 32:59.811 - It isn't true. - Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
- 33:02.689 --> 33:06.067 Please don't do this to me. I can't do it again.
- 33:09.613 --> 33:12.032 I can't do it again.
- 33:22.626 --> 33:24.169 [wailing]
- 33:45.482 --> 33:47.191 Teddy called again. [sighs]
- 33:47.192 --> 33:50.152 Um… We have to discuss the funeral arrangements.
- 33:50.153 --> 33:53.865 [sighs] Where would you like to have it, St. Peter's Basilica?
- 33:54.574 --> 33:56.743 Well, what do you want me to tell him?
- 34:00.121 --> 34:02.874 That I'll let him know as soon as I make my decision.
- 34:05.126 --> 34:08.212 [stammers] <i>The New York Times</i> called as well.
- 34:08.213 --> 34:09.214 [sighs]
- 34:13.969 --> 34:17.305 He spent his whole life bound to that little boy…
- 34:21.476 --> 34:25.313 desperate to free himself from a tragedy he couldn't even remember.
- 34:30.819 --> 34:33.655 All he wanted was to simply be.
- 34:38.368 --> 34:42.205 All he'll be remembered for is what he could have become.
- 34:54.509 --> 34:57.136 If you're flying using visual navigation alone,
- 34:57.137 --> 34:59.847 relying on the lights of the coast, the horizon,
- 34:59.848 --> 35:01.807 instead of your flight instruments,
- 35:01.808 --> 35:05.060 and you're suddenly flying in the pitch black with haze everywhere,
- 35:05.061 --> 35:08.063 the ocean and sky essentially blend into this black hole,
- 35:08.064 --> 35:10.816 and you can experience what's called spatial disorientation,
- 35:10.817 --> 35:12.985 where you basically don't know which way is up.
- 35:12.986 --> 35:15.279 So you start course correcting the plane
- 35:15.280 --> 35:18.616 based on what your impaired brain is telling you, instead of reality.
- 35:18.617 --> 35:21.160 Would they have known they were going down?
- 35:21.161 --> 35:24.330 They would have known something was wrong, obviously,
- 35:24.331 --> 35:26.832 but no, not necessarily.
- 35:26.833 --> 35:28.792 I spoke to someone over at NTSB,
- 35:28.793 --> 35:31.962 and he explained it's like being taken under by a wave.
- 35:31.963 --> 35:33.214 - The water is-- - [door opens]
- 35:43.266 --> 35:46.060 Let me start by offering my deepest condolences.
- 35:46.061 --> 35:47.520 Where is she?
- 35:48.980 --> 35:50.648 - Sorry? - Your wife.
- 35:50.649 --> 35:52.983 She was supposed to be here. Where is she?
- 35:52.984 --> 35:55.903 I-I think she just felt, uh, in light of the circumstances,
- 35:55.904 --> 36:01.325 it would be better if I helped broker the arrangements for the remains.
- 36:01.326 --> 36:04.245 Is that right? Mmm.
- 36:07.916 --> 36:11.502 I assure you she was just trying to be mindful of your feelings.
- 36:11.503 --> 36:16.215 Oh, is that the pretext that her legal team concocted?
- 36:16.216 --> 36:17.342 My feelings?
- 36:17.967 --> 36:20.511 Because if it is, she should fire them.
- 36:20.512 --> 36:22.222 Why-Why don't we, uh…
- 36:25.809 --> 36:30.437 Uh, President Clinton has offered, uh, that John be buried
- 36:30.438 --> 36:35.609 in Arlington National Cemetery alongside President Kennedy and Jackie,
- 36:35.610 --> 36:37.236 next to the Eternal Flame.
- 36:37.237 --> 36:41.156 However, if we wanted to keep John and Carolyn together,
- 36:41.157 --> 36:43.742 we propose, uh, Holyhood,
- 36:43.743 --> 36:47.871 the Kennedy family burial plot in Brookline, Massachusetts.
- 36:47.872 --> 36:51.834 Why would my daughter be buried in a state she has no ties to?
- 36:51.835 --> 36:55.796 And are you suggesting those are my two choices,
- 36:55.797 --> 36:59.049 which you so kindly laid out for me?
- 36:59.050 --> 37:00.552 No, no, of course not.
- 37:01.469 --> 37:05.806 But if-if you prefer that Carolyn be buried with John,
- 37:05.807 --> 37:08.308 the family would insist that he be alongside
- 37:08.309 --> 37:10.436 the rest of the deceased Kennedy relatives.
- 37:10.437 --> 37:12.564 "The family would insist."
- 37:13.606 --> 37:17.901 The gall of you to sit there and try and dictate terms.
- 37:17.902 --> 37:21.905 [stutters] No, I'm simply relaying the wishes of the Kennedy family.
- 37:21.906 --> 37:24.283 If the Kennedy family feels so strongly about this,
- 37:24.284 --> 37:25.952 why did they send you?
- 37:31.499 --> 37:34.168 Whatever you decide to do with Carolyn's remains--
- 37:34.169 --> 37:36.379 You keep saying her name.
- 37:37.255 --> 37:39.299 You keep saying "Carolyn."
- 37:39.924 --> 37:43.635 May I remind you that I had not one but two daughters
- 37:43.636 --> 37:46.097 on board that plane that he crashed?
- 37:46.931 --> 37:50.059 [♪ melancholy music playing]
- 37:56.858 --> 37:58.860 [Ann cries]
- 38:03.281 --> 38:05.283 [sobs]
- 38:07.494 --> 38:10.121 [sniffles, breathes shakily]
- 38:11.956 --> 38:13.958 [♪ melancholy music continues]
- 38:20.215 --> 38:21.341 [sighs]
- 38:32.060 --> 38:33.061 [elevator bell dings]
- 38:44.906 --> 38:47.242 [♪ melancholy music fades]
- 38:52.247 --> 38:55.457 Your husband needs to work on his bedside manner.
- 38:55.458 --> 38:58.377 I think some wires might've gotten crossed.
- 38:58.378 --> 39:00.295 Oh, I assure you there was no misunderstanding
- 39:00.296 --> 39:02.506 in what he said or how he said it.
- 39:02.507 --> 39:03.924 Well, I…
- 39:03.925 --> 39:07.344 I know his intention was to concentrate on the logistics
- 39:07.345 --> 39:09.263 so as not to exacerbate the situation.
- 39:09.264 --> 39:13.268 Then maybe dispatch a less obtuse spokesperson next time.
- 39:18.147 --> 39:19.606 Maybe it's best I go.
- 39:19.607 --> 39:25.071 I'm not finished, and I will not be dismissed a second time.
- 39:26.447 --> 39:28.449 [breathing shakily]
- 39:29.784 --> 39:32.452 Some of the media are saying they crashed
- 39:32.453 --> 39:35.540 because Carolyn was getting her nails done,
- 39:36.165 --> 39:38.334 delayed their takeoff.
- 39:39.210 --> 39:43.755 Not that your brother wasn't equipped to fly at night and took off anyway,
- 39:43.756 --> 39:45.841 but that she held them back.
- 39:45.842 --> 39:47.427 Her vanity.
- 39:48.636 --> 39:50.680 Are you aware of that?
- 39:52.307 --> 39:55.225 [smacks lips] I stopped reading the news.
- 39:55.226 --> 39:58.479 Well, I have nothing left to protect but their legacies.
- 40:00.732 --> 40:05.110 There are images of your brother beaming around the world
- 40:05.111 --> 40:08.363 on the cover of every newspaper and magazine.
- 40:08.364 --> 40:11.366 Carolyn's photo is usually on the inside,
- 40:11.367 --> 40:13.785 and Lauren is practically a footnote,
- 40:13.786 --> 40:19.000 but she wasn't famous, so I guess her face doesn't sell papers.
- 40:22.295 --> 40:26.966 My faith has allowed me to make sense of the world.
- 40:28.384 --> 40:34.056 Helping me understand the big existential questions.
- 40:34.057 --> 40:36.434 [breathing shakily] But now…
- 40:39.354 --> 40:44.359 there's just a deafening silence.
- 40:45.193 --> 40:46.778 [sobbing]
- 40:47.820 --> 40:52.367 I mean, how do you live in a world that doesn't make any sense?
- 40:53.743 --> 40:56.120 How do you even get out of bed?
- 41:00.959 --> 41:03.086 - As soon as you open your eyes. - [sniffling]
- 41:04.963 --> 41:08.800 One second longer and you realize the world you're waking up to is…
- 41:10.969 --> 41:13.262 painfully incomplete.
- 41:20.520 --> 41:23.147 [breathes heavily]
- 41:23.773 --> 41:27.901 When I was 18, I was living in London,
- 41:27.902 --> 41:31.030 staying with a family friend who was a member of Parliament.
- 41:32.615 --> 41:34.909 One night, we left his house and a bomb went off.
- 41:35.994 --> 41:39.079 The IRA had planted one under the front right tire of his car,
- 41:39.080 --> 41:42.375 and the only reason we weren't in it was because we were running late.
- 41:46.754 --> 41:49.966 I agonized over that for so many years.
- 41:52.719 --> 41:55.429 I couldn't understand why so many bad things had happened
- 41:55.430 --> 41:57.140 to people in my family.
- 41:57.890 --> 42:01.853 But for whatever reason, I was spared that day a bomb went off.
- 42:02.520 --> 42:05.605 The only thing I really gleaned from that experience was
- 42:05.606 --> 42:08.859 that there is no rhyme or reason
- 42:08.860 --> 42:12.405 as to why some of us get to stay here a little longer.
- 42:17.410 --> 42:20.663 All we know is that time doesn't belong to us.
- 42:23.124 --> 42:25.126 Nothing is promised.
- 42:32.717 --> 42:34.926 I'm sure you already know this about me by now,
- 42:34.927 --> 42:38.139 but I'm not someone who lets people in very easily.
- 42:39.891 --> 42:41.933 I don't know if it's because I question their motives
- 42:41.934 --> 42:47.523 or maybe it's because I have this feeling that the less people I know…
- 42:49.776 --> 42:52.779 the less people I'll inevitably have to grieve.
- 42:58.910 --> 43:01.913 I didn't know Lauren very well, unfortunately.
- 43:04.791 --> 43:07.919 But I knew she was incredibly smart,
- 43:08.669 --> 43:13.132 funny, beautiful, dynamic.
- 43:15.093 --> 43:17.261 But I did know Carolyn.
- 43:18.346 --> 43:20.556 And I knew she was struggling.
- 43:22.350 --> 43:24.560 And instead of reaching out to her…
- 43:29.440 --> 43:31.901 I will regret what I didn't do…
- 43:32.735 --> 43:33.902 [breathes shakily]
- 43:33.903 --> 43:36.864 …and what I could've done for the rest of my life.
- 43:40.910 --> 43:47.458 [breathes shakily] She said she didn't recognize who she had become.
- 43:51.295 --> 43:55.341 And now that person will be immortalized forever.
- 44:00.179 --> 44:04.724 I only wish she had lived long enough
- 44:04.725 --> 44:07.979 to be remembered for something else.
- 44:08.729 --> 44:10.439 [sobbing, muttering]
- 44:18.489 --> 44:20.324 I've heard people say,
- 44:21.450 --> 44:27.122 "I'm sorry for your loss" so many times over the course of my life.
- 44:27.123 --> 44:31.878 It just starts to sound like white noise, like when people say, "God bless you."
- 44:33.379 --> 44:35.798 But now I'm sitting here across from you…
- 44:40.136 --> 44:43.097 and all I wanna say is how sorry I am.
- 44:46.642 --> 44:48.603 But I also know that it's not enough.
- 44:49.228 --> 44:50.396 No.
- 44:52.273 --> 44:54.066 And it will never be enough.
- 45:16.547 --> 45:20.175 I'm remembering a conversation I had with John a while back,
- 45:20.176 --> 45:26.432 where he said he wanted to be cremated with his ashes spread across the sea.
- 45:28.351 --> 45:30.228 I was wondering if…
- 45:31.812 --> 45:37.777 maybe we could spread John, Carolyn, and Lauren's ashes together.
- 45:39.820 --> 45:41.405 As one.
- 45:49.080 --> 45:50.122 [elevator bell dings]
- 46:05.805 --> 46:08.056 [♪ mournful music playing]
- 46:08.057 --> 46:09.058 [sighs]
- 46:20.278 --> 46:23.281 [camera shutters clicking]
- 46:34.125 --> 46:35.126 [car door opens]
- 46:46.137 --> 46:48.889 [breathing heavily, sobs]
- 47:14.957 --> 47:16.833 Cars are downstairs.
- 47:16.834 --> 47:18.502 Okay, thank you.
- 47:27.345 --> 47:31.891 I won't ask you how you're holding up. I always found that question moronic.
- 47:35.978 --> 47:37.688 I knew he was gone.
- 47:40.733 --> 47:46.072 As soon as I heard that pounding on the door, I just felt this shift.
- 47:47.323 --> 47:52.119 Just this overwhelming sense of dread.
- 47:54.330 --> 47:55.872 Oh, I felt that same way
- 47:55.873 --> 47:58.792 when I got the call about my parents' plane.
- 47:58.793 --> 48:03.380 I was 27 years old. I had three children and a newborn.
- 48:03.381 --> 48:04.881 [sighs]
- 48:04.882 --> 48:08.760 I just remember the phone ringing in our house in Hyannis,
- 48:08.761 --> 48:11.429 and for whatever reason, I wouldn't answer it.
- 48:11.430 --> 48:14.558 And then it rang again. Again and again.
- 48:15.142 --> 48:18.103 I don't think I realized how young you were when that happened.
- 48:18.104 --> 48:20.856 [chuckles] I don't think I realized how young I was.
- 48:23.442 --> 48:24.610 [breathes heavily]
- 48:25.903 --> 48:31.950 I know I'm not a Kennedy by blood, but you and I are alike in a lot of ways.
- 48:31.951 --> 48:36.414 We take pride in our resolve and in our independence.
- 48:37.123 --> 48:40.126 That's why we're so averse to pity in all its forms.
- 48:41.252 --> 48:44.921 It's not enough we have to survive all this loss.
- 48:44.922 --> 48:48.049 We have to ensure that we're not defined by it.
- 48:48.050 --> 48:49.718 I… [chuckling] It's exhausting.
- 48:52.179 --> 48:55.266 It's hard to imagine a world in which I don't feel this way every day.
- 48:55.933 --> 48:59.228 Well, the grief is always gonna be there.
- 49:00.020 --> 49:03.731 But it's your relationship with the grief that changes.
- 49:03.732 --> 49:07.152 At some point, you realize you can do something with it.
- 49:07.153 --> 49:09.320 Because you felt you had no choice.
- 49:09.321 --> 49:13.325 No, because when I didn't have one, I knew I could.
- 49:16.537 --> 49:19.915 I understand the urge to retreat even further.
- 49:21.167 --> 49:25.588 To get away from the prying eyes and the concerned whispers.
- 49:26.255 --> 49:29.132 But privacy doesn't always ensure peace.
- 49:29.133 --> 49:33.553 If it did, I'd have vanished a long time ago. [chuckles]
- 49:33.554 --> 49:37.141 We are Kennedy women, and we're still here.
- 49:37.683 --> 49:39.643 And that can't be for nothing.
- 49:51.280 --> 49:52.281 [sighs]
- 49:54.700 --> 49:57.620 [♪ organ plays "Abide With Me"]
- 50:15.679 --> 50:17.681 [♪ "Abide With Me" ends]
- 50:28.150 --> 50:30.152 [♪ somber music playing]
- 50:46.377 --> 50:47.378 [sighs]
- 50:52.341 --> 50:54.760 "Death is nothing at all.
- 50:55.553 --> 50:57.096 It does not count.
- 50:58.013 --> 51:00.558 I have only slipped away into the next room.
- 51:01.225 --> 51:03.602 Nothing has happened.
- 51:05.771 --> 51:09.065 Everything remains exactly as it was.
- 51:09.066 --> 51:11.859 I am I, and you are you,
- 51:11.860 --> 51:15.113 and the old life that we lived so fondly together
- 51:15.114 --> 51:17.740 is untouched, unchanged.
- 51:17.741 --> 51:22.453 Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
- 51:22.454 --> 51:26.082 Call me by the old familiar name.
- 51:26.083 --> 51:30.462 Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
- 51:31.297 --> 51:34.550 Put no differences into your tone.
- 51:36.385 --> 51:40.431 Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
- 51:42.808 --> 51:47.521 Life means all that it ever meant.
- 51:48.981 --> 51:51.191 It is the same as it ever was."
- 51:54.486 --> 51:56.280 [breathes shakily]
- 51:56.947 --> 52:00.242 [Ann] <i>"Do not stand by my grave and weep.</i>
- 52:03.495 --> 52:04.912 <i>I am not there.</i>
- 52:04.913 --> 52:06.081 <i>I do not sleep.</i>
- 52:17.092 --> 52:19.970 <i>I am the thousand winds that blow.</i>
- 52:20.929 --> 52:24.266 <i>I am the diamond glints in snow."</i>
- 52:41.659 --> 52:43.661 [seagulls squawking]
- 52:48.957 --> 52:52.586 <i>"I am the sunlight of ripened grain.</i>
- 52:53.629 --> 52:56.215 <i>I am the gentle autumn rain.</i>
- 52:59.802 --> 53:02.388 <i>As you awake with morning's hush,</i>
- 53:05.307 --> 53:08.184 <i>I am the swift up-flinging rush."</i>
- 53:08.185 --> 53:10.269 [birds chirping]
- 53:10.270 --> 53:13.189 [♪ uplifting music playing]
- 53:13.190 --> 53:16.151 <i>"Of quiet birds in circling flight,</i>
- 53:18.237 --> 53:21.407 <i>I am the day transcending night.</i>
- 53:40.801 --> 53:45.848 <i>Do not stand by my grave and cry.</i>
- 53:47.474 --> 53:49.267 <i>I am not there.</i>
- 53:49.268 --> 53:50.978 <i>I did not die."</i>