Поиск и спасение

And this is a recurring dream

that you're having?

Yes.

And in it, the two of you are riding

in that convertible…

in the motorcade in Dallas,

only you're the one that's injured.

- Mmm.

- And what are you wearing?

I'm wearing the same thing

his mother wore.

The pink tweed suit and the pillbox hat.

She hates wearing hats.

I do. Um…

Okay, well, obviously that's what tracks

with what we're talking about

in our sessions.

The idea that you are paying the price

for John's fame, for John's ambitions.

It also speaks to an outsized fear

of exposure of the real world.

Hmm. Let's just try not

to editorialize, okay?

Well, maybe if I was at home

sleeping with her in our bed,

she wouldn't be having these nightmares.

You were the one who decided to leave

and now you're saying

your absence is the problem?

Yeah, so we wouldn't say anything

we could never take back.

Yeah, so you go on a walk, John.

You don't move out.

- I didn't move out.

- You left and then you-you…

Yeah, you didn't come back.

- So how would you characterize that?

- Oh, my God.

And if that is your instinct,

to bolt when things get hard,

how can I trust

you just won't keep doing it?

I was the one that made it very clear

that divorce was off the table.

So I should just feel comforted

that you have unilaterally issued

that decree.

It means that the only option

in my mind is to make this marriage work.

John, there is a difference

between not wanting us to fail

and wanting us to succeed.

John views our marriage

through the lens of the media.

He's more concerned with the optics

of our issues than our actual issues.

We cannot just ignore the fact

that we live under a microscope

- because it's inconvenient.

- I cannot be the third person

in my marriage.

Spending the rest of my life competing

with everyone else in the world,

or his family's legacy, or his magazine.

Well, I know that this is

going to sound counterintuitive,

but just based on everything

that I'm hearing,

I would advise a trial separation.

I'm sorry, what?

Uh, your advice

for our marriage is divorce?

No.

But I think part of the reason

that you two aren't finding any clarity

is that you're… you're stuck

in this sort of liminal space,

and maybe if you severed contact

for a little while,

you would gain a clearer idea

of what you're missing

or what your life would actually look like

without the other.

- Mm-hmm.

- Like, for how long?

Yeah, like-like one, two weeks?

A month, maybe two.

Um, do you have,

like, too many clients, or…

No.

No, I mean, you obviously would see me,

you just wouldn't see each other.

I can't not talk to my wife for a month.

Yeah, I don't want to do that either.

I mean, I don't think I could

even if you asked me to.

Well, I mean, you won't come together,

you won't let go,

and instead, you are just

white-knuckling this marriage

into a downward spiral.

What happened to one cigarette a day?

We're drinking at a dive bar

in the middle of a workday

after marriage counseling.

I'd say my discipline is shot for the day.

You know something funny?

When I'm at the Stanhope

reminiscing about our life together,

I never replay the bad moments in my head.

All I think about is us

at our best, laughing,

always reaching out for each other.

It's never enough for us

to just be in the same room.

We always have to feel each other

to know that we're really there.

And then when we get together,

it's all we can do

not to rehash every fight we've ever had.

I don't think we're totally to blame.

Our marriage counselor hates us.

Yeah.

I mean, I think she's going to become

a divorce mediator because of us.

You know what I was thinking about

the other day?

- Hmm?

- That trip we took to Honduras

when you got poison ivy everywhere

and I had to wrap your hands in socks

to keep you from itching.

- There was calamine lotion everywhere.

- Yeah, one big, pink man.

Very messy.

What about that time we had sex

on the rooftop in Paris

and you almost got electrocuted?

Worth it.

If only we knew then.

What?

How good we had it.

We should get going.

One more drink in this place

and we really will be a sob story.

- Hey.

- Sorry.

It's okay.

Do you mind if I drop by

and, um, get that linen blazer?

♪ All in all there's something to give ♪

♪ All in all there's something to live ♪

- ♪ With you ♪

- ♪ Ooh ♪

- ♪ With you ♪

- ♪ Ooh-ahh ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪

Best kiss we've ever had?

It has to be our first

outside your apartment.

No. No, that doesn't count.

I mean as a couple.

- Mmm, there have been lots.

- Yeah.

Jones Beach?

Which time?

What about by that fire

in that lodge in Montana?

No, I remember what it was.

Fuck! I'm so late.

Hey, wait, give me a kiss.

- Bye. I'll see you later, yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

Okay. Love you.

- Love you. Bye.

- Bye.

That's not what I had in mind.

♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪

Here you go, buddy.

Morning.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Sorry, I didn't wanna wake you.

- No, that's fine.

- I know you haven't been sleeping well.

- It's okay.

I have a 9:00 a.m. breakfast.

Gotcha.

- I can cancel it.

- No. No, that's fine.

I just, um… I thought maybe

we might wanna talk about last night.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

I mean, do you feel bad?

Uh… No.

I… I don't know.

Do you feel good

about what's happening right now?

Why don't we meet for lunch?

You-You know what, it's probably best we

just talk about it at counseling anyway.

Do you think we tell Colleen?

I mean, we kind of did exactly

the opposite of what she asked us to.

John, I'm confused.

Are we angling for a gold star here

or trying to save our marriage?

I mean, I just don't want her to think

that we're any more self-destructive

than she already does.

Am I seeing you at the George gala?

No, John, I j… I just can't right now.

So then I assume Rory's wedding is

off the table.

I love you, but you still don't get it.

It's not as easy for me as it is for you.

What isn't?

Pretending like everything's okay.

I can assure you

that this is anything but easy for me.

Talk to you later?

Yeah.

I don't think I've been back here

since she died.

You look terrible.

- Wow. Mom really is here with us.

- You're graying.

- Yeah, well, stress will do that to you.

- Mmm.

Sit down.

It's a lot.

But you have to ask yourself

what's actually within your control.

And what can you save?

- She won't forgive me.

- For what?

Ruining her life,

destroying her anonymity,

failing to protect her.

I mean, I remember sitting here with Mom

and her telling me

that any woman I ended up with

would be under the illusion

that we were entering a partnership,

when in reality, they just have

to orbit me like everybody else.

She was married

to the president of the United States.

All she knew was how to orbit a great man.

But you aren't Dad,

and Carolyn isn't the First Lady.

John, you dated countless women

who were more than willing to let you

be the center of the universe

and none of them stuck.

And then you found someone

who wasn't willing to contort themselves

into whatever they thought you needed,

and you fell in love.

And now those qualities,

that fire, that self-possession

aren't serving you anymore,

and you're crying foul?

I have tried everything in my power

to make her happy.

What she's asking of you

feels unreasonable

because no one has ever asked it

of you before.

Your whole life, people have been willing

to take whatever pieces of yourself

you're willing to give them,

but she isn't.

And she was never gonna be someone

who would be.

I know you've been made to feel

like your life is predestined,

but that doesn't mean

you are powerless to change it.

The question is

do you love her enough to do that?

Thank you.

Thank you.

I spoke to John earlier.

He called to ask how you were doing.

Well, what'd you tell him?

I said pick up the phone

and call her yourself.

He did offer to drop me off

in the Vineyard

- on his way to Rory's wedding.

- Mmm. That'll butter you up.

Did you say yes?

Well, I'm not going to turn down

a ride on a summer Friday.

Hmm.

You should have seen him

when I came downstairs this morning.

Just heading off to work

like it was any normal day.

Well, did you say,

"Hey, can you cancel your meeting?

We really have to talk"?

I shouldn't have to.

It's not my job to edify us.

Well then, you clearly weren't

that desperate to communicate either.

You know, you think

because of our shit with Dad

- that him leaving's the ultimate betrayal…

- Lauren.

…but this is also you projecting shit

onto John that has nothing to do with him.

If you really wanted to work

on this relationship,

you would swallow your pride,

jettison this compulsion to be right

and do what's in the best interest

of your relationship.

All I've done is compromise for him,

Lauren.

It's only compromise

if it's by your own volition,

but you can't cling to the past

and work towards the future

at the same time.

Right here. John!

Are you and your wife getting a divorce?

Thank you all for being here.

♪ I didn't hear you leave ♪

♪ I wonder how am I still here ♪

Carolyn and I could renew our vows

in Times Square

and the press would brand it

a charged altercation.

♪ And I don't want to move a thing ♪

♪ It might change my memory ♪

- Carolyn!

- Over here. Here.

♪ I'll do what I want ♪

♪ But I can't hide ♪

♪ And I won't go ♪

♪ I won't sleep ♪

♪ I can't breathe ♪

♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪

♪ And I won't leave ♪

♪ And I can't hide ♪

Excuse me.

Hi. You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

- What made you change your mind?

I know how important this is to you.

This way, please!

And I know I wanna try.

♪ I don't want to call my friends ♪

♪ They might wake me from this dream ♪

♪ Oh, I am what I am ♪

Look at John. Look over at John.

♪ But I can't hide ♪

♪ And I won't go ♪

♪ I won't sleep ♪

♪ And I can't breathe ♪

♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪

You're early.

Well, I knew if I was late

and you stormed out,

I wouldn't be able to catch you.

This your go-to date spot?

What can I say?

I'm a sucker for a laminated menu.

Do you know what I remember

about that first date?

That my bike got stolen?

That, and…

You said you felt like you had a sign

over your head that read,

"The Hunk Flunks" and that that was

all people saw when they looked at you.

And I remember asking you

what your sign read,

and you wouldn't tell me.

And you still haven't told me.

I don't think I've told anyone.

Because if you knew what my sign said…

"Please handle with care,

not as tough as she looks,"

then the jig would've been up.

There'd be no mystery for you to solve,

no defense system to disarm.

And therefore,

no reason to stay.

But then I met you…

and I fell in love with you

and I didn't want to do that anymore.

I wanted to let you in.

You made me realize that I'm someone who…

who wants to be loved and nurtured…

…and taken care of and…

How do we know we won't hurt each other?

We don't.

We just know that we wanna try.

And build a life for ourselves,

as partners.

And what does that look like,

though, John?

Because I don't think our marriage

can withstand any more scrutiny.

I know.

And part of that means I have to reexamine

my relationship with everyone

and everything that isn't you.

Because you come first.

But I don't want you to feel like

you have to choose.

I know you've been burdened

with unfathomable expectations,

and I would never fault you

for trying to meet them.

Carolyn.

You're the one thing in my life

that I know that I'm destined for.

I love you.

I love you too.

You know, I was thinking, if you're up

for it, you and I could go on a trip.

- Where?

- Anywhere you want.

Paris. Belize. Tahiti.

- For how long?

- Till we decide to come home.

Wherever that might be for us.

I'll be back on Sunday

from Rory's wedding.

Why don't we pull out a world map

and find the most remote island

no one's ever heard of.

I forgot about that, um…

- Rory's… Rory's wedding.

- Don't even worry about it.

- Caroline's not even going.

- No, I wanna go.

You do?

Yeah.

I miss dancing with you.

I miss dancing with you.

That might've been even better

than the first time.

I should go.

Gotta find a dress.

- What if we're jumping the gun?

- What do you mean?

It's just we're finally getting

to a good place,

and I don't know if subjecting ourselves

to the prying eyes

of a massive Kennedy wedding is

the move for us right now.

It's normal to feel anxious

and apprehensive,

but you two are going into this weekend

with a completely different mindset

than in the past.

Go get your nails done.

Go from there.

- Okay. Okay.

- One step at a time.

- See you soon.

- Thanks, Laur. See you soon.

- Hyannis Port.

- Hey, this is John Kennedy.

Requesting a standard weather briefing

for a VFR flight

from Essex County to Martha's Vineyard

departing around 6:00 p.m.

- Okay, you got Essex County…

- Uh-huh.

- …clear skies, four-mile visibility.

- Uh-huh.

Then it's, Martha's Vineyard,

clear skies, six miles visibility.

Uh-huh.

What did she say exactly?

She was nervous.

I thought we moved past this.

Neither of you are going

to change overnight.

- I'm gonna go sit with him for a bit.

- Mm-hmm. Okay.

Permission to enter the cockpit.

Excuse me. Oh, fuck.

I missed you.

I had a feeling.

Everything okay?

Yeah, you should…

You should go back to your seat.

I want to sit with you.

It's okay. Just breathe.

John. Just breathe.

Just breathe.

United States Coast Guard

Air Station Cape Cod.

This is Petty Officer Rietta.

How may I help you?

Yeah, I got

a no-call no-show at Martha's Vineyard.

- Can I get the aircraft information?

- Piper Papa-Alpha-32-Romeo-301Saratoga.

- And the name of the pilot?

- John F. Kennedy Junior.

...departing Essex County.

Thirty miles in on approach.

It's all right, I got it. I got it.

- Can I help you?

- We're sorry to disturb you.

We're from the Custer County

Sheriff's Office.

Your family's been trying to reach you

on your cell,

but we know there's no service out here.

What is it? What's wrong?

It's your brother, ma'am.

His plane has been reported missing.

Hello?

What?

I'm sorry,

can you say that again?

No, that's correct.

That was my understanding.

Well, I can wait if you wanna check.

I don't think the answer's gonna change.

They said they can have a plane

ready for us within an hour.

- Okay.

- What do you wanna tell the kids?

I don't know. I just… We have to get home.

- Have you talked to the Hyannis Airport?

- No, I wasn't able to get through.

But Teddy said

they didn't land there either.

But we know they took off, right?

Yes, we got confirmation

from Essex County Airport.

But I'm sure there's an explanation.

We begin tonight with breaking news.

John F. Kennedy Jr.'s plane

has been reported missing

off the coast of Massachusetts.

The Piper Saratoga

allegedly disappeared from radar

as it was en route

from New Jersey to Martha's Vineyard.

At this hour, the Coast Guard is stressing

that this remains

a search and rescue mission.

Officials are urging anyone

with information to come forward.

What has happened

to John F. Kennedy Jr.

and his missing single-engine aircraft?

The plane is believed to have carried

not only John F. Kennedy Jr.,

but his wife Carolyn Bessette Kennedy

and her sister Lauren.

They'd taken off from New Jersey,

heading to Martha's Vineyard

in Massachusetts

for a Kennedy family wedding.

The plane never arrived--

Senator Kennedy,

I have the president on the line.

Mr. President.

I understand.

We, um… We, uh, appreciate

your efforts… …sir.

Thank you for calling.

Please don't say another word.

I beg of you, please.

Don't say anything.

- They're reporting--

- I don't care what they're reporting, Ed.

I'm not doing this again, okay?

I will not.

Why don't you come sit down?

I'm not leaving, Ed.

I'm staying right here, okay?

As soon as I go out there…

He was just here.

He cannot be gone, Ed.

He cannot be gone!

That doesn't make any fucking sense!

Do you understand me?

That doesn't make any fucking sense.

It doesn't make any fucking sense.

He's not gone!

He's not! He's not.

Sweetheart…

- It isn't true.

- Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.

Please don't do this to me.

I can't do it again.

I can't do it again.

Teddy called again.

Um… We have to discuss

the funeral arrangements.

Where would you like to have it,

St. Peter's Basilica?

Well, what do you want me to tell him?

That I'll let him know

as soon as I make my decision.

The New York Times called as well.

He spent his whole life bound

to that little boy…

desperate to free himself

from a tragedy he couldn't even remember.

All he wanted was to simply be.

All he'll be remembered for is

what he could have become.

If you're flying using

visual navigation alone,

relying on the lights of the coast,

the horizon,

instead of your flight instruments,

and you're suddenly flying

in the pitch black with haze everywhere,

the ocean and sky essentially blend

into this black hole,

and you can experience

what's called spatial disorientation,

where you basically don't know

which way is up.

So you start course correcting the plane

based on what your impaired brain

is telling you, instead of reality.

Would they have known

they were going down?

They would have known

something was wrong, obviously,

but no, not necessarily.

I spoke to someone over at NTSB,

and he explained

it's like being taken under by a wave.

The water is--

Let me start

by offering my deepest condolences.

Where is she?

- Sorry?

- Your wife.

She was supposed to be here. Where is she?

I-I think she just felt, uh,

in light of the circumstances,

it would be better if I helped broker

the arrangements for the remains.

Is that right? Mmm.

I assure you she was just trying

to be mindful of your feelings.

Oh, is that the pretext

that her legal team concocted?

My feelings?

Because if it is, she should fire them.

Why-Why don't we, uh…

Uh, President Clinton has offered,

uh, that John be buried

in Arlington National Cemetery

alongside President Kennedy and Jackie,

next to the Eternal Flame.

However, if we wanted

to keep John and Carolyn together,

we propose, uh, Holyhood,

the Kennedy family burial plot

in Brookline, Massachusetts.

Why would my daughter be buried

in a state she has no ties to?

And are you suggesting

those are my two choices,

which you so kindly laid out for me?

No, no, of course not.

But if-if you prefer

that Carolyn be buried with John,

the family would insist

that he be alongside

the rest of the deceased

Kennedy relatives.

"The family would insist."

The gall of you to sit there

and try and dictate terms.

No, I'm simply relaying

the wishes of the Kennedy family.

If the Kennedy family feels

so strongly about this,

why did they send you?

Whatever you decide to do

with Carolyn's remains--

You keep saying her name.

You keep saying "Carolyn."

May I remind you that I had not one

but two daughters

on board that plane that he crashed?

Your husband needs to work

on his bedside manner.

I think some wires

might've gotten crossed.

Oh, I assure you

there was no misunderstanding

in what he said or how he said it.

Well, I…

I know his intention was

to concentrate on the logistics

so as not to exacerbate the situation.

Then maybe dispatch

a less obtuse spokesperson next time.

Maybe it's best I go.

I'm not finished,

and I will not be dismissed a second time.

Some of the media are saying they crashed

because Carolyn was getting

her nails done,

delayed their takeoff.

Not that your brother wasn't equipped

to fly at night and took off anyway,

but that she held them back.

Her vanity.

Are you aware of that?

I stopped reading the news.

Well, I have nothing left to protect

but their legacies.

There are images of your brother

beaming around the world

on the cover

of every newspaper and magazine.

Carolyn's photo is usually on the inside,

and Lauren is practically a footnote,

but she wasn't famous,

so I guess her face doesn't sell papers.

My faith has allowed me

to make sense of the world.

Helping me understand

the big existential questions.

But now…

there's just a deafening silence.

I mean, how do you live in a world

that doesn't make any sense?

How do you even get out of bed?

As soon as you open your eyes.

One second longer and you realize

the world you're waking up to is…

painfully incomplete.

When I was 18, I was living in London,

staying with a family friend

who was a member of Parliament.

One night, we left his house

and a bomb went off.

The IRA had planted one

under the front right tire of his car,

and the only reason we weren't in it

was because we were running late.

I agonized over that for so many years.

I couldn't understand

why so many bad things had happened

to people in my family.

But for whatever reason,

I was spared that day a bomb went off.

The only thing I really gleaned

from that experience was

that there is no rhyme or reason

as to why some of us

get to stay here a little longer.

All we know is that

time doesn't belong to us.

Nothing is promised.

I'm sure you already know this

about me by now,

but I'm not someone

who lets people in very easily.

I don't know

if it's because I question their motives

or maybe it's because I have this feeling

that the less people I know…

the less people

I'll inevitably have to grieve.

I didn't know Lauren very well, unfortunately.

But I knew she was incredibly smart,

funny, beautiful, dynamic.

But I did know Carolyn.

And I knew she was struggling.

And instead of reaching out to her…

I will regret what I didn't do…

…and what I could've done

for the rest of my life.

She said

she didn't recognize who she had become.

And now that person

will be immortalized forever.

I only wish she had lived long enough

to be remembered for something else.

I've heard people say,

"I'm sorry for your loss" so many times

over the course of my life.

It just starts to sound like white noise,

like when people say, "God bless you."

But now I'm sitting here across from you…

and all I wanna say is how sorry I am.

But I also know that it's not enough.

No.

And it will never be enough.

I'm remembering a conversation

I had with John a while back,

where he said he wanted to be cremated

with his ashes spread across the sea.

I was wondering if…

maybe we could spread John, Carolyn,

and Lauren's ashes together.

As one.

Cars are downstairs.

Okay, thank you.

I won't ask you how you're holding up.

I always found that question moronic.

I knew he was gone.

As soon as I heard that pounding

on the door, I just felt this shift.

Just this overwhelming sense of dread.

Oh, I felt that same way

when I got the call

about my parents' plane.

I was 27 years old.

I had three children and a newborn.

I just remember the phone ringing

in our house in Hyannis,

and for whatever reason,

I wouldn't answer it.

And then it rang again. Again and again.

I don't think I realized

how young you were when that happened.

I don't think I realized how young I was.

I know I'm not a Kennedy by blood,

but you and I are alike in a lot of ways.

We take pride in our resolve

and in our independence.

That's why we're so averse

to pity in all its forms.

It's not enough

we have to survive all this loss.

We have to ensure

that we're not defined by it.

I… It's exhausting.

It's hard to imagine a world

in which I don't feel this way every day.

Well, the grief is always gonna be there.

But it's your relationship with the grief

that changes.

At some point,

you realize you can do something with it.

Because you felt you had no choice.

No, because when I didn't have one,

I knew I could.

I understand the urge

to retreat even further.

To get away from the prying eyes

and the concerned whispers.

But privacy doesn't always ensure peace.

If it did, I'd have vanished

a long time ago.

We are Kennedy women,

and we're still here.

And that can't be for nothing.

"Death is nothing at all.

It does not count.

I have only slipped away

into the next room.

Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.

I am I, and you are you,

and the old life that we lived

so fondly together

is untouched, unchanged.

Whatever we were to each other,

that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.

Speak of me in the easy way

which you always used.

Put no differences into your tone.

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same as it ever was."

"Do not stand by my grave and weep.

I am not there.

I do not sleep.

I am the thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints in snow."

"I am the sunlight of ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

As you awake with morning's hush,

I am the swift up-flinging rush."

"Of quiet birds in circling flight,

I am the day transcending night.

Do not stand by my grave and cry.

I am not there.

I did not die."

[person] And this is a recurring dream

that you're having?

Yes.

And in it, the two of you are riding

in that convertible…

in the motorcade in Dallas,

only you're the one that's injured.

- Mmm.

- And what are you wearing?

I'm wearing the same thing

his mother wore.

The pink tweed suit and the pillbox hat.

- She hates wearing hats.

- [Carolyn chuckles]

I do. Um…

Okay, well, obviously that's what tracks

with what we're talking about

in our sessions.

The idea that you are paying the price

for John's fame, for John's ambitions.

It also speaks to an outsized fear

of exposure of the real world.

Hmm. Let's just try not

to editorialize, okay?

Well, maybe if I was at home

sleeping with her in our bed,

she wouldn't be having these nightmares.

You were the one who decided to leave

and now you're saying

your absence is the problem? [chuckles]

Yeah, so we wouldn't say anything

we could never take back.

Yeah, so you go on a walk, John.

You don't move out.

- I didn't move out.

- You left and then you-you…

Yeah, you didn't come back.

- So how would you characterize that?

- Oh, my God.

And if that is your instinct,

to bolt when things get hard,

how can I trust

you just won't keep doing it?

I was the one that made it very clear

that divorce was off the table.

So I should just feel comforted

that you have unilaterally issued

that decree.

It means that the only option

in my mind is to make this marriage work.

John, there is a difference

between not wanting us to fail

- and wanting us to succeed.

- [sighs]

John views our marriage

through the lens of the media.

He's more concerned with the optics

of our issues than our actual issues.

We cannot just ignore the fact

that we live under a microscope

- because it's inconvenient.

- [scoffs] I cannot be the third person

in my marriage.

Spending the rest of my life competing

with everyone else in the world,

or his family's legacy, or his magazine.

[sighs]

Well, I know that this is

going to sound counterintuitive,

but just based on everything

that I'm hearing,

I would advise a trial separation.

I'm sorry, what?

[stammers] Uh, your advice

for our marriage is divorce?

No.

But I think part of the reason

that you two aren't finding any clarity

is that you're… you're stuck

in this sort of liminal space,

and maybe if you severed contact

for a little while,

you would gain a clearer idea

of what you're missing

or what your life would actually look like

without the other.

- [Carolyn] Mm-hmm.

- Like, for how long?

Yeah, like-like one, two weeks?

A month, maybe two.

[inhales sharply] Um, do you have,

like, too many clients, or…

No.

No, I mean, you obviously would see me,

you just wouldn't see each other.

I can't not talk to my wife for a month.

Yeah, I don't want to do that either.

[stutters] I mean, I don't think I could

even if you asked me to. [chuckles]

Well, I mean, you won't come together,

you won't let go,

and instead, you are just

white-knuckling this marriage

into a downward spiral.

What happened to one cigarette a day?

We're drinking at a dive bar

in the middle of a workday

after marriage counseling.

I'd say my discipline is shot for the day.

[inhales, exhales sharply]

You know something funny?

When I'm at the Stanhope

reminiscing about our life together,

I never replay the bad moments in my head.

All I think about is us

at our best, laughing,

- always reaching out for each other.

- [sighs]

It's never enough for us

to just be in the same room.

We always have to feel each other

to know that we're really there.

And then when we get together,

it's all we can do

not to rehash every fight we've ever had.

I don't think we're totally to blame.

Our marriage counselor hates us.

- [laughs]

- [laughs] Yeah.

I mean, I think she's going to become

a divorce mediator because of us.

[John chuckles]

You know what I was thinking about

the other day?

- Hmm?

- That trip we took to Honduras

when you got poison ivy everywhere

and I had to wrap your hands in socks

to keep you from itching.

- There was calamine lotion everywhere.

- Yeah, one big, pink man.

Very messy.

What about that time we had sex

on the rooftop in Paris

- and you almost got electrocuted?

- [laughs]

Worth it.

If only we knew then.

What?

How good we had it.

[♪ "All I Need" playing]

We should get going.

One more drink in this place

and we really will be a sob story.

[clears throat]

- Hey.

- Sorry.

It's okay.

Do you mind if I drop by

and, um, get that linen blazer?

♪ All in all there's something to give ♪

♪ All in all there's something to live ♪

- ♪ With you ♪

- ♪ Ooh ♪

[belt buckle rattles]

- ♪ With you ♪

- ♪ Ooh-ahh ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪

Best kiss we've ever had?

It has to be our first

outside your apartment.

No. No, that doesn't count.

I mean as a couple.

- Mmm, there have been lots.

- Yeah.

Jones Beach?

- Which time?

- [chuckles]

What about by that fire

in that lodge in Montana?

No, I remember what it was.

Fuck! I'm so late.

Hey, wait, give me a kiss.

[keys jingling]

- Bye. I'll see you later, yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

Okay. Love you.

- Love you. Bye.

- Bye.

[elevator bell dings]

That's not what I had in mind.

♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪

♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪

[Carolyn chuckles]

♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪

[elevator bell dings]

[♪ "All I Need" continues]

[♪ "All I Need" ends]

[rustling]

[footsteps]

[John] Here you go, buddy. [grunts]

[groans]

[Carolyn] Morning.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Sorry, I didn't wanna wake you.

- No, that's fine.

- I know you haven't been sleeping well.

- It's okay.

I have a 9:00 a.m. breakfast.

Gotcha. [sniffles]

- I can cancel it.

- No. No, that's fine.

I just, um… I thought maybe

we might wanna talk about last night.

- Yeah?

- Yeah. [chuckles]

I mean, do you feel bad?

Uh… No.

I… I don't know.

Do you feel good

about what's happening right now?

Why don't we meet for lunch?

You-You know what, it's probably best we

just talk about it at counseling anyway.

Do you think we tell Colleen?

I mean, we kind of did exactly

the opposite of what she asked us to.

John, I'm confused.

Are we angling for a gold star here

or trying to save our marriage?

I mean, I just don't want her to think

that we're any more self-destructive

than she already does.

Am I seeing you at the George gala?

No, John, I j… I just can't right now.

[John sighs]

So then I assume Rory's wedding is

off the table.

I love you, but you still don't get it.

It's not as easy for me as it is for you.

What isn't?

Pretending like everything's okay.

I can assure you

that this is anything but easy for me.

Talk to you later?

Yeah.

[breathes heavily, grunts]

[elevator bell dings]

I don't think I've been back here

since she died.

You look terrible.

- Wow. Mom really is here with us.

- You're graying.

- Yeah, well, stress will do that to you.

- Mmm.

Sit down.

It's a lot.

But you have to ask yourself

what's actually within your control.

And what can you save?

- She won't forgive me.

- For what?

Ruining her life,

destroying her anonymity,

failing to protect her.

I mean, I remember sitting here with Mom

and her telling me

that any woman I ended up with

would be under the illusion

that we were entering a partnership,

when in reality, they just have

to orbit me like everybody else.

She was married

to the president of the United States.

All she knew was how to orbit a great man.

But you aren't Dad,

and Carolyn isn't the First Lady.

John, you dated countless women

who were more than willing to let you

be the center of the universe

and none of them stuck.

And then you found someone

who wasn't willing to contort themselves

into whatever they thought you needed,

and you fell in love.

And now those qualities,

that fire, that self-possession

aren't serving you anymore,

and you're crying foul?

I have tried everything in my power

to make her happy.

[sighs]

What she's asking of you

feels unreasonable

because no one has ever asked it

of you before.

Your whole life, people have been willing

to take whatever pieces of yourself

you're willing to give them,

but she isn't.

And she was never gonna be someone

who would be.

I know you've been made to feel

like your life is predestined,

but that doesn't mean

you are powerless to change it.

The question is

do you love her enough to do that?

[John sighs]

- [horn honks]

- [Lauren] Thank you.

[Lauren sighs]

- [grunts]

- Thank you.

I spoke to John earlier.

He called to ask how you were doing.

- [sighs]

- Well, what'd you tell him?

I said pick up the phone

and call her yourself.

He did offer to drop me off

in the Vineyard

- on his way to Rory's wedding.

- Mmm. That'll butter you up.

Did you say yes?

Well, I'm not going to turn down

a ride on a summer Friday.

Hmm.

You should have seen him

when I came downstairs this morning.

Just heading off to work

like it was any normal day.

Well, did you say,

"Hey, can you cancel your meeting?

We really have to talk"?

I shouldn't have to.

It's not my job to edify us.

Well then, you clearly weren't

that desperate to communicate either.

You know, you think

because of our shit with Dad

- that him leaving's the ultimate betrayal…

- Lauren.

…but this is also you projecting shit

onto John that has nothing to do with him.

If you really wanted to work

on this relationship,

you would swallow your pride,

jettison this compulsion to be right

and do what's in the best interest

of your relationship.

All I've done is compromise for him,

Lauren.

It's only compromise

if it's by your own volition,

but you can't cling to the past

and work towards the future

at the same time.

[♪ "Here with Me" playing]

[photojournalist 1] Right here. John!

[photojournalist 2]

Are you and your wife getting a divorce?

Thank you all for being here.

♪ I didn't hear you leave ♪

♪ I wonder how am I still here ♪

Carolyn and I could renew our vows

in Times Square

and the press would brand it

a charged altercation.

♪ And I don't want to move a thing ♪

♪ It might change my memory ♪

- [photojournalist 3] Carolyn!

- [photojournalist 4] Over here. Here.

♪ I'll do what I want ♪

♪ But I can't hide ♪

♪ And I won't go ♪

♪ I won't sleep ♪

♪ I can't breathe ♪

♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪

♪ And I won't leave ♪

♪ And I can't hide ♪

[John] Excuse me.

Hi. You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

- What made you change your mind?

I know how important this is to you.

[photojournalist 5] This way, please!

And I know I wanna try.

♪ I don't want to call my friends ♪

[photojournalists clamoring]

♪ They might wake me from this dream ♪

♪ Oh, I am what I am ♪

[photojournalist 4]

Look at John. Look over at John.

♪ But I can't hide ♪

♪ And I won't go ♪

[camera shutters clicking]

♪ I won't sleep ♪

♪ And I can't breathe ♪

♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪

[♪ "Here with Me" ends]

[♪ pensive music playing]

[doorbell chimes]

You're early.

Well, I knew if I was late

and you stormed out,

I wouldn't be able to catch you.

[chuckles]

- [glasses clink]

- [chuckles]

[♪ pensive music ends]

This your go-to date spot?

What can I say?

I'm a sucker for a laminated menu.

[chuckles]

Do you know what I remember

about that first date?

- [sighs] That my bike got stolen?

- [chuckles]

That, and…

You said you felt like you had a sign

over your head that read,

"The Hunk Flunks" and that that was

all people saw when they looked at you.

And I remember asking you

what your sign read,

and you wouldn't tell me.

And you still haven't told me.

I don't think I've told anyone.

Because if you knew what my sign said…

"Please handle with care,

not as tough as she looks,"

then the jig would've been up.

There'd be no mystery for you to solve,

no defense system to disarm.

[smacks lips] And therefore,

no reason to stay.

But then I met you…

and I fell in love with you

and I didn't want to do that anymore.

I wanted to let you in. [breathes shakily]

You made me realize that I'm someone who…

who wants to be loved and nurtured…

[inhales deeply] …and taken care of and…

[sighs]

How do we know we won't hurt each other?

We don't.

- We just know that we wanna try.

- [sniffles]

And build a life for ourselves,

as partners.

And what does that look like,

though, John?

Because I don't think our marriage

can withstand any more scrutiny.

I know. [sighs]

And part of that means I have to reexamine

my relationship with everyone

and everything that isn't you.

Because you come first.

But I don't want you to feel like

you have to choose.

I know you've been burdened

with unfathomable expectations,

and I would never fault you

for trying to meet them.

Carolyn.

You're the one thing in my life

that I know that I'm destined for.

I love you.

[smacks lips] I love you too.

You know, I was thinking, if you're up

for it, you and I could go on a trip.

- Where?

- Anywhere you want.

- Paris. Belize. Tahiti.

- [laughs]

- For how long?

- Till we decide to come home.

Wherever that might be for us.

I'll be back on Sunday

from Rory's wedding.

Why don't we pull out a world map

and find the most remote island

no one's ever heard of.

I forgot about that, um…

- Rory's… Rory's wedding.

- Don't even worry about it.

- Caroline's not even going.

- No, I wanna go.

You do?

Yeah.

I miss dancing with you.

I miss dancing with you.

[Carolyn chuckles]

That might've been even better

than the first time.

I should go.

Gotta find a dress.

- What if we're jumping the gun?

- [Lauren] What do you mean?

It's just we're finally getting

to a good place,

and I don't know if subjecting ourselves

to the prying eyes

of a massive Kennedy wedding is

the move for us right now.

It's normal to feel anxious

and apprehensive,

but you two are going into this weekend

with a completely different mindset

than in the past.

- Go get your nails done.

- [sighs]

Go from there.

- Okay. Okay.

- One step at a time.

- See you soon.

- Thanks, Laur. See you soon.

[♪ uplifting music playing]

[line ringing]

- [operator] Hyannis Port.

- Hey, this is John Kennedy.

Requesting a standard weather briefing

for a VFR flight

from Essex County to Martha's Vineyard

departing around 6:00 p.m.

- Okay, you got Essex County…

- Uh-huh.

- …clear skies, four-mile visibility.

- Uh-huh.

Then it's, Martha's Vineyard,

clear skies, six miles visibility.

Uh-huh.

- [paparazzi clamoring]

- [camera shutters clicking]

What did she say exactly?

- She was nervous.

- [stammers, sighs]

I thought we moved past this.

Neither of you are going

to change overnight.

[sighs]

[plane engine drones]

- I'm gonna go sit with him for a bit.

- Mm-hmm. Okay.

[Carolyn unbuckles seat belt]

- Permission to enter the cockpit.

- [chuckling]

[Carolyn chuckles]

- Excuse me. [chuckling] Oh, fuck.

- [chuckling]

[seat belt clicks]

[sighs]

I missed you.

I had a feeling.

[♪ ominous music playing]

[meters chime]

[plane rattling]

[alarm beeping]

- [switch clicks]

- Everything okay?

- [alarm beeping stops]

- Yeah, you should…

You should go back to your seat.

[plane continues rattling]

I want to sit with you.

[breathes heavily]

[alarm blaring]

- [switch clicks]

- [alarm blaring stops]

It's okay. Just breathe.

John. Just breathe.

[breathing heavily]

Just breathe.

[ringing]

United States Coast Guard

Air Station Cape Cod.

This is Petty Officer Rietta.

How may I help you?

[air traffic controller] Yeah, I got

a no-call no-show at Martha's Vineyard.

- Can I get the aircraft information?

- Piper Papa-Alpha-32-Romeo-301Saratoga.

- And the name of the pilot?

- John F. Kennedy Junior.

...departing Essex County.

Thirty miles in on approach.

[laughing]

[banging on door]

[banging continues]

It's all right, I got it. I got it.

[banging continues]

[chattering on radio]

- Can I help you?

- [officer] We're sorry to disturb you.

We're from the Custer County

Sheriff's Office.

Your family's been trying to reach you

on your cell,

but we know there's no service out here.

What is it? What's wrong?

It's your brother, ma'am.

His plane has been reported missing.

[phone ringing]

[Ann grunts]

Hello? [clears throat]

What?

[stutters] I'm sorry,

can you say that again?

[Ed] No, that's correct.

That was my understanding.

Well, I can wait if you wanna check.

I don't think the answer's gonna change.

They said they can have a plane

ready for us within an hour.

- Okay.

- What do you wanna tell the kids?

I don't know. I just… We have to get home.

- Have you talked to the Hyannis Airport?

- No, I wasn't able to get through.

But Teddy said

they didn't land there either.

But we know they took off, right?

Yes, we got confirmation

from Essex County Airport.

But I'm sure there's an explanation.

We begin tonight with breaking news.

John F. Kennedy Jr.'s plane

has been reported missing

off the coast of Massachusetts.

The Piper Saratoga

allegedly disappeared from radar

as it was en route

from New Jersey to Martha's Vineyard.

At this hour, the Coast Guard is stressing

that this remains

a search and rescue mission.

Officials are urging anyone

with information to come forward.

[Dan Rather] What has happened

to John F. Kennedy Jr.

and his missing single-engine aircraft?

The plane is believed to have carried

not only John F. Kennedy Jr.,

but his wife Carolyn Bessette Kennedy

and her sister Lauren.

They'd taken off from New Jersey,

heading to Martha's Vineyard

in Massachusetts

for a Kennedy family wedding.

- The plane never arrived--

- [turns off TV]

[Caroline cries]

Senator Kennedy,

I have the president on the line.

Mr. President.

I understand.

We, um… We, uh, appreciate

your efforts… [sniffles] …sir.

Thank you for calling.

[phone beeps]

[breathes heavily]

Please don't say another word.

I beg of you, please.

Don't say anything.

- They're reporting--

- I don't care what they're reporting, Ed.

I'm not doing this again, okay?

I will not.

[Caroline breathing shakily, sobbing]

[sniffles]

Why don't you come sit down?

I'm not leaving, Ed.

I'm staying right here, okay?

As soon as I go out there…

He was just here.

He cannot be gone, Ed.

[♪ melancholy music playing]

He cannot be gone!

That doesn't make any fucking sense!

Do you understand me?

That doesn't make any fucking sense.

It doesn't make any fucking sense.

He's not gone!

- [mutters]

- He's not! He's not.

[sobbing]

Sweetheart…

- It isn't true.

- Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.

Please don't do this to me.

I can't do it again.

I can't do it again.

[wailing]

Teddy called again. [sighs]

Um… We have to discuss

the funeral arrangements.

[sighs] Where would you like to have it,

St. Peter's Basilica?

Well, what do you want me to tell him?

That I'll let him know

as soon as I make my decision.

[stammers]

The New York Times called as well.

[sighs]

He spent his whole life bound

to that little boy…

desperate to free himself

from a tragedy he couldn't even remember.

All he wanted was to simply be.

All he'll be remembered for is

what he could have become.

If you're flying using

visual navigation alone,

relying on the lights of the coast,

the horizon,

instead of your flight instruments,

and you're suddenly flying

in the pitch black with haze everywhere,

the ocean and sky essentially blend

into this black hole,

and you can experience

what's called spatial disorientation,

where you basically don't know

which way is up.

So you start course correcting the plane

based on what your impaired brain

is telling you, instead of reality.

Would they have known

they were going down?

They would have known

something was wrong, obviously,

but no, not necessarily.

I spoke to someone over at NTSB,

and he explained

it's like being taken under by a wave.

- The water is--

- [door opens]

Let me start

by offering my deepest condolences.

Where is she?

- Sorry?

- Your wife.

She was supposed to be here. Where is she?

I-I think she just felt, uh,

in light of the circumstances,

it would be better if I helped broker

the arrangements for the remains.

Is that right? Mmm.

I assure you she was just trying

to be mindful of your feelings.

Oh, is that the pretext

that her legal team concocted?

My feelings?

Because if it is, she should fire them.

Why-Why don't we, uh…

Uh, President Clinton has offered,

uh, that John be buried

in Arlington National Cemetery

alongside President Kennedy and Jackie,

next to the Eternal Flame.

However, if we wanted

to keep John and Carolyn together,

we propose, uh, Holyhood,

the Kennedy family burial plot

in Brookline, Massachusetts.

Why would my daughter be buried

in a state she has no ties to?

And are you suggesting

those are my two choices,

which you so kindly laid out for me?

No, no, of course not.

But if-if you prefer

that Carolyn be buried with John,

the family would insist

that he be alongside

the rest of the deceased

Kennedy relatives.

"The family would insist."

The gall of you to sit there

and try and dictate terms.

[stutters] No, I'm simply relaying

the wishes of the Kennedy family.

If the Kennedy family feels

so strongly about this,

why did they send you?

Whatever you decide to do

with Carolyn's remains--

You keep saying her name.

You keep saying "Carolyn."

May I remind you that I had not one

but two daughters

on board that plane that he crashed?

[♪ melancholy music playing]

[Ann cries]

[sobs]

[sniffles, breathes shakily]

[♪ melancholy music continues]

[sighs]

[elevator bell dings]

[♪ melancholy music fades]

Your husband needs to work

on his bedside manner.

I think some wires

might've gotten crossed.

Oh, I assure you

there was no misunderstanding

in what he said or how he said it.

Well, I…

I know his intention was

to concentrate on the logistics

so as not to exacerbate the situation.

Then maybe dispatch

a less obtuse spokesperson next time.

Maybe it's best I go.

I'm not finished,

and I will not be dismissed a second time.

[breathing shakily]

Some of the media are saying they crashed

because Carolyn was getting

her nails done,

delayed their takeoff.

Not that your brother wasn't equipped

to fly at night and took off anyway,

but that she held them back.

Her vanity.

Are you aware of that?

[smacks lips] I stopped reading the news.

Well, I have nothing left to protect

but their legacies.

There are images of your brother

beaming around the world

on the cover

of every newspaper and magazine.

Carolyn's photo is usually on the inside,

and Lauren is practically a footnote,

but she wasn't famous,

so I guess her face doesn't sell papers.

My faith has allowed me

to make sense of the world.

Helping me understand

the big existential questions.

[breathing shakily] But now…

there's just a deafening silence.

[sobbing]

I mean, how do you live in a world

that doesn't make any sense?

How do you even get out of bed?

- As soon as you open your eyes.

- [sniffling]

One second longer and you realize

the world you're waking up to is…

painfully incomplete.

[breathes heavily]

When I was 18, I was living in London,

staying with a family friend

who was a member of Parliament.

One night, we left his house

and a bomb went off.

The IRA had planted one

under the front right tire of his car,

and the only reason we weren't in it

was because we were running late.

I agonized over that for so many years.

I couldn't understand

why so many bad things had happened

to people in my family.

But for whatever reason,

I was spared that day a bomb went off.

The only thing I really gleaned

from that experience was

that there is no rhyme or reason

as to why some of us

get to stay here a little longer.

All we know is that

time doesn't belong to us.

Nothing is promised.

I'm sure you already know this

about me by now,

but I'm not someone

who lets people in very easily.

I don't know

if it's because I question their motives

or maybe it's because I have this feeling

that the less people I know…

the less people

I'll inevitably have to grieve.

I didn't know Lauren very well, unfortunately.

But I knew she was incredibly smart,

funny, beautiful, dynamic.

But I did know Carolyn.

And I knew she was struggling.

And instead of reaching out to her…

I will regret what I didn't do…

[breathes shakily]

…and what I could've done

for the rest of my life.

[breathes shakily] She said

she didn't recognize who she had become.

And now that person

will be immortalized forever.

I only wish she had lived long enough

to be remembered for something else.

[sobbing, muttering]

I've heard people say,

"I'm sorry for your loss" so many times

over the course of my life.

It just starts to sound like white noise,

like when people say, "God bless you."

But now I'm sitting here across from you…

and all I wanna say is how sorry I am.

But I also know that it's not enough.

No.

And it will never be enough.

I'm remembering a conversation

I had with John a while back,

where he said he wanted to be cremated

with his ashes spread across the sea.

I was wondering if…

maybe we could spread John, Carolyn,

and Lauren's ashes together.

As one.

[elevator bell dings]

[♪ mournful music playing]

[sighs]

[camera shutters clicking]

[car door opens]

[breathing heavily, sobs]

Cars are downstairs.

Okay, thank you.

I won't ask you how you're holding up.

I always found that question moronic.

I knew he was gone.

As soon as I heard that pounding

on the door, I just felt this shift.

Just this overwhelming sense of dread.

Oh, I felt that same way

when I got the call

about my parents' plane.

I was 27 years old.

I had three children and a newborn.

[sighs]

I just remember the phone ringing

in our house in Hyannis,

and for whatever reason,

I wouldn't answer it.

And then it rang again. Again and again.

I don't think I realized

how young you were when that happened.

[chuckles]

I don't think I realized how young I was.

[breathes heavily]

I know I'm not a Kennedy by blood,

but you and I are alike in a lot of ways.

We take pride in our resolve

and in our independence.

That's why we're so averse

to pity in all its forms.

It's not enough

we have to survive all this loss.

We have to ensure

that we're not defined by it.

I… [chuckling] It's exhausting.

It's hard to imagine a world

in which I don't feel this way every day.

Well, the grief is always gonna be there.

But it's your relationship with the grief

that changes.

At some point,

you realize you can do something with it.

Because you felt you had no choice.

No, because when I didn't have one,

I knew I could.

I understand the urge

to retreat even further.

To get away from the prying eyes

and the concerned whispers.

But privacy doesn't always ensure peace.

If it did, I'd have vanished

a long time ago. [chuckles]

We are Kennedy women,

and we're still here.

And that can't be for nothing.

[sighs]

[♪ organ plays "Abide With Me"]

[♪ "Abide With Me" ends]

[♪ somber music playing]

[sighs]

"Death is nothing at all.

It does not count.

I have only slipped away

into the next room.

Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.

I am I, and you are you,

and the old life that we lived

so fondly together

is untouched, unchanged.

Whatever we were to each other,

that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.

Speak of me in the easy way

which you always used.

Put no differences into your tone.

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same as it ever was."

[breathes shakily]

[Ann] "Do not stand by my grave and weep.

I am not there.

I do not sleep.

I am the thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints in snow."

[seagulls squawking]

"I am the sunlight of ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

As you awake with morning's hush,

I am the swift up-flinging rush."

[birds chirping]

[♪ uplifting music playing]

"Of quiet birds in circling flight,

I am the day transcending night.

Do not stand by my grave and cry.

I am not there.

I did not die."