Стратегия выхода

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♪ Puff your cares away ♪

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♪ Puff, puff, puff ♪

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♪ Night and day ♪

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♪ Blow, blow them through the air ♪

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♪ Silky little rings ♪

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♪ Those little smoke rings I love ♪

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Hi.

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Hey.

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How was… How was the thing?

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Well, you know.

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It was a journalist's

book party in Midtown.

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How do you think it was?

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- Utterly fine?

- Violently fine.

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Anthony dropped by for a bit.

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Yeah? How'd he look?

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Frail.

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Wonder why he bothered showing up.

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Life is for the living.

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Does that constitute living?

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A journalist book party

in Midtown?

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I had fun.

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- Did you?

- Yeah.

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Although I did get trapped

for about 20 minutes

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by that artist lady who wears those hats.

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Lizzie is a publicist.

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The reason you think she's an artist

is because she's a good publicist.

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Um.

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Wha-What are you doing?

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What does it look like I'm doing?

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I love this song.

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♪ This is no ordinary love ♪

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You know what else I love?

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Mmm?

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I love you.

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I love you too.

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Tonight would have been

so much more fun if you were there.

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Everything's more fun when I'm there.

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That's usually true.

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You know, I think this is

the first song we ever danced to.

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God, we barely knew each other then.

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- I knew you. I knew who you were.

- Mmm?

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- Yeah?

- You were fearless.

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No, I was terrified.

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♪ A love like that won't last? ♪

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The way you used to walk

into a room and just own it.

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Used to?

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No, you-you know what I mean.

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Baby, I missed you tonight.

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Everyone was asking where you were.

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It's hard to keep track

of all the excuses at this point.

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♪ This is no ordinary love ♪

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♪ No ordinary love ♪

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You're hungry.

I don't want the food to get cold.

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I'm sorry.

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I wasn't trying to guilt-trip you.

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Just missed you.

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I mean it was a completely

mediocre book party in Midtown. I…

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Really doesn't sound

like I missed much, right?

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If you were so desperate to see me,

you would have just skipped it to see me.

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And the fact that it didn't even occur

to you as an option makes me feel like

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this isn't just about us spending

time together, but about…

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people seeing us spend time together.

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Just…

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I hate showing up to these things alone.

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Because of what people will say?

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No. No.

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Mmm.

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- Well, obviously that's part of it.

- Mm-hmm.

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You know what happens anytime

I show up to these things alone.

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There's another headline stating

that we're headed for divorce.

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Uh, well, I mean, at this point, they're

gonna write a story no matter what.

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- So…

- Exactly.

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Damned if we do, damned if we don't.

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Right, I just… I feel like

we're saying the same thing here.

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All I'm saying is I'd like to spend time

with you outside of this loft.

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I have a crazy idea.

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- A plate?

- Um, let's go on a trip.

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- What kind of a trip?

- Any kind of trip you want.

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Mmm. Paris, Belize, Tahiti.

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- Tahiti?

- Yeah, Tahiti.

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Just you and me at the beach.

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No parties, no obligation, no press.

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No clothes.

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- Carolyn.

- I'm serious.

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Maybe after the holidays.

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After the holidays?

John, it's-it's August.

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It's August 30th.

That's essentially September.

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We have

the Delancey Street Foundation dinner

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- in San Francisco.

- Mm-hmm.

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Back to New York for Fashion Week.

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Then I have the Cuba trip.

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After that, we're in the Vineyard,

straight to Red Gate.

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Then we're back in the city

for Terry and Valerie's Halloween party.

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November is the George anniversary dinner.

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- Mm-hmm.

- Thanksgiving at Hyannis.

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Christmas with the cousins.

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Your birthday in January.

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Figured you'd wanna be with friends,

but, yeah, a trip sounds nice.

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Okay, so what you're saying is

we can't go on vacation until 1998?

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Of course not.

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We have Hyannis next weekend, remember?

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Fuck me, I forgot.

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You know, a lot of people consider

the Cape to be

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one of the most beautiful areas

of the country.

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Yeah, I'm aware of that.

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I don't have a problem with the Cape.

It's the compound.

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What about it?

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Come on.

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No, let's hear it.

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Out with it.

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Um. It's not relaxing.

Every minute of the day is accounted for.

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We can't sleep in, we can't sit

on the beach, we can't go for a walk.

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- There's no privacy, so we never have sex.

- Hmm.

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Oh. There's never enough hot water,

which is frankly mind-boggling,

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given the marvel that is modern plumbing.

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And even in the height of summer,

it's always cold, like w-how?

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And there are all these insane,

unwritten rules.

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Like, uh, board games are verboten,

but playing cards encouraged.

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What's the difference?

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Oh. And yogurt at breakfast is

sensible, but yogurt at lunch is,

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and I'm quoting your cousin here,

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- "Some Weight Watchers shit."

- "Some Weight Watchers shit."

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Oh. And that, um, that rule

about no TV during the day.

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Well, that's not a rule.

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It's just…

Do you wanna watch TV during the day?

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I want the option.

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Spending your day in front of the TV on

a beautiful summer's day is just wasteful.

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So it is a rule?

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It's a norm.

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Oh, there's nothing norm about it,

trust me.

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Everyone shoots me these judgmental looks

whenever I read magazines.

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And-And before you say that Caroline

reads magazines all the time too,

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let me interrupt your interruption and say

that Caroline reads The New Republic,

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and while, technically, yes, that's

a magazine, spiritually, it's a book.

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Vogue, that's a magazine.

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And don't think I haven't

noticed the expectant looks

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on everyone's faces

when I abstain from a cocktail.

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I am basically guzzling Dark 'n' Stormys

prophylactically

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at this point.

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Yeah, I-I have to drink or else

people will think I'm pregnant.

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You think I'm joking, but I'm serious.

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I-I just feel like I'm on display, like…

like there's this sense of visibility.

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Like-like my body is this living,

breathing report card

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broadcasting the state

of our relationship.

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You could always drink a Sea Breeze.

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- And the clams.

- The clams?

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Over Fourth of July weekend,

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your family had five clambakes

over three days.

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Six actually.

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We had a midnight clambake,

but I let you sleep through that one.

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Who wants clams at midnight?

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That-That's diabolical.

That's sadistic.

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Okay, okay, I hear you.

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- Hyannis can be specific.

- No, I believe I said, "Sadistic."

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I like spending time with our family.

I'm sorry.

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John, they're your family.

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They're your family too.

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- Family is important.

- Yeah, you and me, we're a family.

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Hello.

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What?

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What happened?

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Laur-Lauren, slow down, you're scaring me.

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What's going on?

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Mm-hmm.

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Okay, what channel?

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Will you?

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Yeah, okay, let me call you back,

all right?

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Love you. Bye.

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An update now

on the condition of Princess Diana,

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who was involved in a traffic accident

in Paris this evening.

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She is in a serious condition.

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She was driving with her companion,

Dodi Al-Fayed.

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He, according to police officials, died

in the accident…

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- Oh, my God!

- …along with a chauffeur.

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The princess's bodyguard was also injured.

We don't know his condition at this hour.

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- The accident happened…

- Oh, my God.

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…as Diana's car

was being pursued

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by a group of paparazzis on motorcycles

as they entered a tunnel

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- along the River Seine.

- I just saw her.

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- What?

- At Gianni's funeral.

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I-I sat right behind her.

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She has been monitoring

Paris for any new information.

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- Nina, can you hear me?

- Yes, I can.

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Dodi Al-Fayed, obviously,

a very famous man, a millionaire as well.

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Do you have any news on his condition?

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We have police reports and others saying

that he is in fact…

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All we know

at the moment is that he has in fact…

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…as well as the driver.

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Princess Diana apparently

has been severely injured

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as well as a bodyguard.

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Do we know

the nature of her injury?

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- Carolyn.

- Not at this moment.

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- We know that she has been taken…

- Carolyn.

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Yeah?

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The glasses in the dishwasher,

are they clean?

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What?

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The glasses in the dishwasher,

are they clean?

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I-I don't know.

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There has been no comment

from Buckingham Palace…

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You don't know

if you ran the dishwasher or not?

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- What?

- I don't get how you don't know.

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- You either ran it or you didn't.

- Why are you asking me?

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You've been home all day.

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Do you remember

hearing the dishwasher run?

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Yes, I did a dish wash.

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The paparazzi, of course,

have been trying to photograph

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Princess Diana with Dodi Al-Fayed,

a famous millionaire with whom

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she has been in a romantic relationship

for the last couple of weeks.

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Have they been engendering

a fair bit of publicity

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while they were in Paris?

'Cause most people knew they were there.

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Oh, yes. There has been an

extraordinary amount of tabloid and media…

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What can you tell us

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about the area of Paris

where the accident occurred?

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I guess it was the entrance ramp

of the tunnel.

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It was an entrance route

to the underground tunnel

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that goes under the Seine River.

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This area is well-known by tourists.

So it's a very well-populated area.

00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:38,238

Let's go back

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to the scene of the wreckage.

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There's the recognizable

back end of the Mercedes sedan,

00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,496

and there is the unrecognizable front end

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of what must have been

a high-speed collision.

00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:52,377

In the front part of the car,

the two flashes of white there

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are the deployed airbags,

the remnants of the airbags.

00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:59,426

Princess Diana is unmatched

when it comes to generating interest

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and, indeed, cash for deserving projects…

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- I'm going for a run.

- …taken an interest.

00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,390

- Her most high-profile involvement…

- What?

00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,559

…has been

to draw the world's attention

00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,479

- to the horrors facing civilians…

- John.

00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,314

I'll be back in a bit.

00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,029

Diana was also recently…

00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:22,157

…mostly dominating headlines

in the newspaper,

00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:26,286

especially in Britain, concerning

her relationship with Dodi Al-Fayed,

00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:29,164

which reported that she joined

her 40-year-old millionaire companion

00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:32,376

and a group of friends

for a Mediterranean cruise,

00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,671

once again,

putting her personal life under scrutiny.

00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:38,632

Her private holiday was filmed

by the Italian paparazzi,

00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:41,969

who are now auctioning the photographs

to the highest bidder.

00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,679

We will continue to cover…

00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,683

♪ We escape ♪

00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:56,484

♪ Breathe ♪

00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,779

♪ Keep breathing ♪

00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:04,575

♪ I can't do this ♪

00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:09,330

♪ Alone ♪

00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:24,887

♪ You can laugh ♪

00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:32,937

♪ A spineless laugh ♪

00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,606

♪ We hope your rules ♪

00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,609

…it said, and I quote,

00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:41,194

"Princess Diana has died."

00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:48,161

♪ And wisdom choke you ♪

00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:57,086

♪ Now we are one ♪

00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:05,344

♪ In everlasting peace ♪

00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:11,893

♪ We hope that you choke ♪

00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:18,066

♪ That you choke ♪

00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,833

…very tragic turn,

with confirmation

00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,335

from Buckingham Palace tonight

00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:42,464

that the world has lost

Princess Diana at age 36.

00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:45,759

The official cause of death was

listed as cardiac arrest

00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,803

following massive trauma

and head injuries.

00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,054

She's dead.

00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,640

Doctors noted

that these injuries were consistent

00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,559

with a high-speed collision.

00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,561

If you are now tuning in,

we have been covering…

00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,731

- They killed her.

- …accident of Princess…

00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,983

She did everything right,

posed for every photo,

00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:04,069

gave them everything they wanted,

and they just…

00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,822

Her companion,

Dodi Al-Fayed, was killed outright…

00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,533

- …they still killed her.

- …the Mercedes car.

00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:12,160

- Surgeons at a nearby hospital…

- It's very sad.

00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,539

- It's monstrous.

- …a battle they lost.

00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,623

The British ambassador…

00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:19,292

She was their princess,

and they treated her like prey.

00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:22,170

…which we now know

got rather frantic

00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,339

as they started to lose her pulse.

00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,633

- At the scene, police…

- I gotta clean my face off.

00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:30,595

…paparazzi photographers

allegedly pursuing the princess's car

00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,264

in a high-speed chase.

00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,807

Seven men were arrested.

00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:36,852

And the film rolls have

all been confiscated.

00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,354

And the world

is slowly learning of this news…

00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:43,608

You know, I think there's something

really macabre about watching this shit

00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,695

when right now, halfway across the world,

someone is waking up her kids

00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:49,072

before they find out

their parent is dead on TV.

00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:51,324

He and the First Lady

have sent

00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,995

their condolences to Buckingham Palace.

00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:59,417

There are reports that the royal family,

uh, they are at Balmoral in Scotland…

00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,172

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to upset you.

00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,314

Those poor boys.

00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,567

At least they have each other.

00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,695

Like you and Caroline.

00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:30,781

- Like me and Caroline?

- Yeah.

00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,452

This is nothing like

what me and Caroline went through.

00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:38,455

They're princes.

They're members of a monarchy.

00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:41,541

I was three when my dad died.

I grew up 60 blocks from here.

00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,420

I rode my bike to school.

It's night and day.

00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,632

Okay.

00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,597

You're telling me it wasn't like that.

00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:57,934

What was it like?

00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,188

- I don't wanna talk about it.

- John.

00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:05,732

You're making assumptions

and trying to tell me

00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,108

what my own childhood was like,

00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,194

and I have everyone else in the world

to do that for me

00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,364

without having to hear it

from my own wife.

00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,084

John.

00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:27,505

I'm just trying to understand.

00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,968

Does it not scare you?

00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,353

John.

00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:45,898

Fine.

00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,902

You wanna know what I'm so scared of?

What's going through my head?

00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,698

What I was thinking about

the entire time during my jog?

00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,909

That you are never

gonna leave the house again.

00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,161

Do I see the parallels

between what we deal with

00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:01,621

and what happened to her?

00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,040

Of course I do. But can I say that?

00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:07,420

No, it'll just be one more thing that's

gonna stop you from living your life.

00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,801

You wanna know why I can't watch this?

00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:19,390

Because if I do,

I'll never fucking stop, okay?

00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,782

Do you wanna hear about my childhood?

00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,786

I don't remember my dad dying, at all.

00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:46,374

But what I remember vividly is

my mom being basically in a trance.

00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,210

And the hours

that Caroline and the nanny and I spent

00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:52,548

while my mom was locked away

in a dark room, crying alone.

00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:04,143

And why… Couldn't she just play with me?

00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:14,028

It was my mother I watched die,

not my dad.

00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,739

I watched her die twice.

00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,374

And now it feels

like I'm watching you slip away.

00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,585

You're choosing the darkness.

00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:35,007

I'm watching it happen.

I feel like I'm being abandoned again.

00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:39,219

I can't lose you.

You're the one person I can't lose.

00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,303

Do you understand that?

00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:44,140

I've lost so many people in my life,

and I can't lose you.

00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,643

I can't. I can't lose you.

00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:51,690

- John.

- I can't, I can't. I can't.

00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,280

I can't lose you, Carolyn.

00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,992

Breathe.

00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:05,162

I'm not going anywhere.

00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,210

Just breathe.

00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:39,280

♪ Now you should smile ♪

00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:45,536

♪ Though your heart is aching ♪

00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:52,793

♪ Smile even though it's breaking ♪

00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:59,175

♪ When there are clouds ♪

00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:03,053

♪ Way up in the sky ♪

00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,224

♪ You're gonna get by ♪

00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:11,687

♪ That's the time ♪

00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:17,067

♪ You must keep on trying ♪

00:21:17,568 --> 00:21:19,820

♪ Oh, you gotta smile ♪

00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:25,993

♪ What's the use of crying ♪

00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:31,624

♪ You'll find that life is still ♪

00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:38,964

♪ Worthwhile ♪

00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:42,092

♪ If you'd just ♪

00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:47,473

♪ Smile ♪

00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:50,350

♪ Come on ♪

00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:56,357

♪ Now show me a little smile ♪

00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:01,821

You're gonna hurt yourself.

00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,992

- You sure you don't want a hand?

- No, I'm good.

00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:13,164

God, we went through so much wine.

00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,166

Uh-huh.

00:22:32,476 --> 00:22:33,769

Hey, Jason. It's John.

00:22:34,812 --> 00:22:37,273

My dinner is done. I'm just at home.

00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:39,233

Give me a call whenever.

00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,903

Why are you calling

your flight instructor?

00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:46,031

What are you talking about?

I talk to him all the time.

00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:51,119

I have to log 40 more hours

before I'm instrument-rated.

00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,497

You just crashed flying

that ridiculous lawn mower contraption.

00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:56,583

I think it's obvious

you need a bit more time than that.

00:22:56,584 --> 00:23:00,086

It's called a Buckeye,

and it's an entirely different machine.

00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:02,381

Buckeyes have nothing to do

with airplanes.

00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,843

Didn't you promise Caroline

you were done with flying?

00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:09,555

Since when are you so concerned

with what Caroline wants?

00:23:14,685 --> 00:23:15,811

What are you doing?

00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:19,522

- I want my cigarettes.

- No, just sit. Sit. I'll get them for you.

00:23:19,523 --> 00:23:22,025

I don't want you hobbling up the stairs.

00:23:22,026 --> 00:23:24,445

They're not up the stairs.

They're in my room.

00:23:40,878 --> 00:23:43,087

You know, if we left now,

we could probably catch the tail end

00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:45,007

of that Vanity Fair party at Pravda.

00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:50,053

John, you're not supposed

to be putting any pressure on that ankle.

00:23:50,054 --> 00:23:52,348

No parties, no stairs, no flying lessons.

00:23:53,182 --> 00:23:55,892

Well, we'll take a cab.

I can sit when I get there.

00:23:58,812 --> 00:24:01,022

- Ugh. Fuck.

- I'm wiped.

00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:04,317

But if you wanna go, you should go.

00:24:04,318 --> 00:24:05,986

Wiped? It's not even 11:00.

00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:12,743

Can you please stop with the candle?

00:24:13,744 --> 00:24:15,371

Wait, is this a fight right now?

00:24:18,082 --> 00:24:19,248

No, I'm fine.

00:24:19,249 --> 00:24:21,210

What? What now?

00:24:25,255 --> 00:24:28,216

Fine, if you want me to sit here

and beg you for it, I will.

00:24:28,217 --> 00:24:30,093

Or we can just fast-forward to the part

00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:32,304

where you tell me

exactly how it is I fucked up.

00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:37,851

You told me to go work for Petra.

00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:41,813

- When?

- Uh, thirty minutes ago,

00:24:41,814 --> 00:24:43,440

at this dinner party

you insisted on hosting.

00:24:45,526 --> 00:24:47,819

Petra was complaining

about how difficult it is to find

00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:50,780

anyone with work experience willing

to build something from the ground up

00:24:50,781 --> 00:24:52,991

and accept a pay cut,

and you started yelling at me for--

00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,410

- I did not yell.

- Yeah, John, you were literally yelling.

00:24:55,411 --> 00:24:58,162

And I know that because you were seated

at the other end of the table.

00:24:58,163 --> 00:25:00,373

All I said was

that you had fashion experience

00:25:00,374 --> 00:25:02,251

- and you didn't need money.

- PR.

00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:08,631

- I have PR experience.

- At Calvin Klein.

00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:10,216

Isn't that fashion? That's fashion.

00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:13,469

Petra has a jewelry line, John.

I'm not a jewelry designer.

00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:15,972

Well, I'm sorry for insinuating

that you have great taste.

00:25:15,973 --> 00:25:18,058

Yeah, that qualifies me to buy jewelry.

00:25:18,684 --> 00:25:20,352

Not make it.

00:25:25,816 --> 00:25:29,527

It's humiliating getting pitched

for job after job

00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:31,237

regardless of my interests

or qualifications.

00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:33,156

- When have I ever--

- You do it all the time.

00:25:33,157 --> 00:25:34,449

I mean, you practically shoved me

00:25:34,450 --> 00:25:36,743

into André Leon Talley's lap

at that fundraiser.

00:25:36,744 --> 00:25:38,745

- No, I did not.

- John, yes, you did.

00:25:38,746 --> 00:25:41,039

You know, it makes me feel

like I am this dead weight

00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,042

that you are desperate to shed.

You're just… You're…

00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,503

You're getting wax all over the table.

00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:49,506

I thought you hated this table.

00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:01,601

What did you mean

I insisted on hosting this dinner party?

00:26:01,602 --> 00:26:03,144

It was your idea, wasn't it?

00:26:03,145 --> 00:26:05,938

Well, I knew better than to suggest

we go to a restaurant,

00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:07,857

or anywhere else

other than this apartment.

00:26:07,858 --> 00:26:09,233

Are you seriously that upset

00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:11,320

that I organized a dinner party

for your friends?

00:26:12,529 --> 00:26:14,490

It really bothers me when you do that.

00:26:15,657 --> 00:26:16,741

Do what?

00:26:16,742 --> 00:26:19,035

Delineate between my friends

and your friends.

00:26:19,036 --> 00:26:21,955

We're a unit, John. They're our friends.

00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:26,710

Okay, Carolyn.

00:26:29,004 --> 00:26:31,130

- Pronoun rescinded.

- What are you doing?

00:26:31,131 --> 00:26:33,050

Sorry if my grammar offended you.

00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:46,813

Y-You seemed perfectly happy

holding court with my friends.

00:26:46,814 --> 00:26:49,817

Yeah, well, they were bombarding me

with questions.

00:26:52,319 --> 00:26:53,529

Yes.

00:26:56,156 --> 00:27:00,827

And to be honest, I think people are

uncomfortable asking you

00:27:00,828 --> 00:27:02,286

about what's going on in your life

00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:04,705

'cause they're not sure

if you want to talk about it.

00:27:04,706 --> 00:27:07,166

What do you mean

what's going on in my life?

00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:10,921

You know, that you're still trying

to figure out your thing.

00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:13,048

My thing.

00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:18,678

You know, enough with this

relentless pressure to have a thing.

00:27:18,679 --> 00:27:20,013

Why do I have to have a thing?

00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:23,641

It's all I hear about

from your family and your friends

00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:25,685

and-and the press, and especially you.

00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:27,728

Because it's not enough

to just be a Kennedy, no.

00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:29,856

No, you have to work at the NRDC

or make a documentary

00:27:29,857 --> 00:27:31,984

or write a book about constitutional law.

00:27:32,734 --> 00:27:36,237

I am 33 years old.

I've been working since I'm 15.

00:27:36,238 --> 00:27:38,656

Can't my thing just be taking a beat

00:27:38,657 --> 00:27:40,741

to settle into my marriage

and enjoy my life?

00:27:40,742 --> 00:27:44,162

Is that what you're doing all day alone

in the apartment, enjoying your life?

00:27:46,707 --> 00:27:48,584

I'm figuring it out.

00:27:49,293 --> 00:27:51,794

And in the meantime,

I don't wanna just join some board

00:27:51,795 --> 00:27:55,172

because it would make you feel better when

people ask me what I do at dinner parties.

00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:57,216

I would think you, of all people,

should be able to understand that.

00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:58,676

- Me, of all people?

- Yes, John.

00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:01,138

You, of all people, should know

what this is like.

00:28:01,763 --> 00:28:04,473

Instead, you just come at me

with all this unhelpful help,

00:28:04,474 --> 00:28:06,517

like it's become a full-time job just…

00:28:06,518 --> 00:28:10,521

just batting away this constant barrage

of indiscriminate suggestions

00:28:10,522 --> 00:28:12,691

on how to fill my days, and-and…

00:28:13,901 --> 00:28:15,861

and I… I feel guilty.

00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:20,282

Because I know you think you're trying

to be helpful, but it doesn't…

00:28:21,909 --> 00:28:23,452

It doesn't feel helpful.

00:28:24,536 --> 00:28:26,246

It feels like you're judging me.

00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,040

So, what am I supposed to do

when you complain

00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:31,001

about how unmoored your life feels?

00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:33,836

Just sit there and say nothing?

00:28:33,837 --> 00:28:35,088

Yes. Yes.

00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:37,257

Just say nothing.

00:28:37,799 --> 00:28:40,218

Just… Just listen.

00:28:42,137 --> 00:28:43,220

That's what I need from you.

00:28:43,221 --> 00:28:46,474

I just need you to sit and listen

and let me feel lost.

00:28:46,475 --> 00:28:50,771

Can I… Like, can I just… f-feel lost?

00:28:51,980 --> 00:28:53,899

Can you please allow me the space

to do that?

00:28:55,609 --> 00:28:56,859

Yes.

00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:58,862

- Okay.

- Yes, I can do that.

00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:07,161

You know, look, I get that it's daunting

to start over, but just look at my mom.

00:29:07,162 --> 00:29:08,705

Oh, my God.

00:29:09,247 --> 00:29:12,416

She was a lifelong reader

who became a book editor at the age of 46.

00:29:12,417 --> 00:29:14,877

Forty-six. Yes, John, I know. I know.

00:29:14,878 --> 00:29:16,963

All I'm saying is that she figured it out

00:29:16,964 --> 00:29:20,091

despite public scrutiny

or the threat of public scrutiny.

00:29:20,092 --> 00:29:23,803

John, it is impossible for me

to overstate just how aware I am

00:29:23,804 --> 00:29:26,055

that your mother was

a very impressive woman.

00:29:26,056 --> 00:29:27,557

Believe me, okay?

00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,477

But do you think your mother could

have held a nine-to-five job in publishing

00:29:31,478 --> 00:29:33,939

when she was married

to the most famous man on the planet?

00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:37,692

- She did that when she was a widow.

- Enough! Enough about my mother.

00:29:37,693 --> 00:29:40,778

- What? John, John, you brought her up.

- And now I'm saying to drop it.

00:29:40,779 --> 00:29:42,655

- You mention my mother enough.

- Your mother's still here

00:29:42,656 --> 00:29:43,906

- to defend herself.

- Mm-hmm.

00:29:43,907 --> 00:29:46,742

You don't know how lucky you are

that I never introduced you to my mother

00:29:46,743 --> 00:29:48,954

because she never

would have encouraged this.

00:29:49,454 --> 00:29:50,914

Us.

00:29:59,172 --> 00:30:00,173

Wow.

00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:02,758

I mean, it's not

like I would have listened to her.

00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:04,177

No, no. Yeah. Sure.

00:30:08,724 --> 00:30:10,558

Maybe I should have listened to mine.

00:30:10,559 --> 00:30:11,726

What?

00:30:11,727 --> 00:30:13,979

My mother basically told me

I should end this.

00:30:14,563 --> 00:30:15,605

When?

00:30:17,566 --> 00:30:20,609

- At the wedding.

- All right. The speech.

00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:22,070

No, no, it was earlier.

00:30:25,198 --> 00:30:27,284

- That afternoon.

- What are you talking about?

00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:29,745

Carolyn.

00:30:31,621 --> 00:30:33,915

Carolyn, what are you talking about?

00:30:35,709 --> 00:30:37,877

- Carolyn.

- My mother came into my room

00:30:37,878 --> 00:30:40,922

the day of our rehearsal dinner

and warned me not to marry you.

00:30:42,382 --> 00:30:45,009

She said that

you would never prioritize me,

00:30:45,010 --> 00:30:48,429

that you'd always choose your job

or your family or yourself,

00:30:48,430 --> 00:30:51,141

that you would never make space for me

in your life.

00:30:53,477 --> 00:30:55,770

And I pushed back on her,

I told her she was wrong,

00:30:55,771 --> 00:30:59,565

- and now… now I-I don't know that she was.

- Carolyn, I do make space for you.

00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:02,861

No, John, John, I know you think you do,

but you're always out.

00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:08,449

You come home at 11:00, at midnight.

Last night, you were home at 3:00 a.m.

00:31:08,450 --> 00:31:10,367

Yeah, well, we're closing

the August issue of George.

00:31:10,368 --> 00:31:11,703

You're always… Uh…

00:31:14,456 --> 00:31:16,416

You're always closing the magazine.

00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:20,419

Or you're out getting drinks

to celebrate closing the magazine,

00:31:20,420 --> 00:31:23,964

or you're chasing some writer or investor,

or you're tearing up the layout,

00:31:23,965 --> 00:31:26,467

and if it's not the magazine,

it's a Kennedy benefit

00:31:26,468 --> 00:31:29,428

or a fundraiser or a Senate run.

00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:31,139

So you don't support it.

00:31:34,851 --> 00:31:36,645

I support you.

00:31:38,897 --> 00:31:41,899

And I'd support it if I really thought

it was something you believed in,

00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:45,278

but everything for you comes out

of this misplaced sense of obligation.

00:31:46,196 --> 00:31:48,030

Like your lunch idea.

00:31:48,031 --> 00:31:50,032

I specifically set aside

two lunches a week,

00:31:50,033 --> 00:31:51,826

so that I can spend time with you.

00:31:51,827 --> 00:31:54,286

That's not the same

as wanting to spend time with me.

00:31:54,287 --> 00:31:56,915

- It's literally the same thing.

- No, lunch is a checkbox.

00:31:58,083 --> 00:32:00,543

It's something you can tell yourself

to absolve yourself of guilt.

00:32:00,544 --> 00:32:02,671

- What guilt?

- You don't want to be around me.

00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:06,340

You don't want to talk to me.

00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:07,883

Half the time,

you're sleeping in the other room.

00:32:07,884 --> 00:32:09,218

I talk to you all the time.

00:32:09,219 --> 00:32:12,055

No, John, you're not interested in me.

00:32:12,681 --> 00:32:14,849

You don't solicit my advice.

00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:16,976

You're not fascinated

by what I want to say.

00:32:16,977 --> 00:32:18,185

You're not curious about me.

00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:20,771

You talk to me just long enough

to keep the peace,

00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:23,108

just long enough

to prevent more conversation.

00:32:25,110 --> 00:32:28,362

You used to be desperate

to spend every single second with me,

00:32:28,363 --> 00:32:30,614

and now you treat our marriage

like it's this layover

00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:32,659

between places that you really want to be.

00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:35,996

And I get it.

00:32:38,331 --> 00:32:41,585

I imagine it's tough seeing

how unhappy you make me.

00:32:51,344 --> 00:32:52,637

You know what?

00:32:53,180 --> 00:32:54,264

It is.

00:33:01,354 --> 00:33:03,940

And that's all I seem

to be capable of lately…

00:33:05,233 --> 00:33:06,776

is disappointing people.

00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:11,655

I spend all day fighting with publishers,

investors, bankers,

00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:14,951

all telling me to take my magazine

out back and shoot it in the head.

00:33:15,744 --> 00:33:19,788

And then I come home and I fight with you

about how I'm never home.

00:33:19,789 --> 00:33:22,166

And then I go to bed each night

dreading the moment I get up

00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:24,376

and having to do it all over again.

00:33:24,377 --> 00:33:27,296

And the worst part about it is that

I wanna talk to you about all of this,

00:33:27,297 --> 00:33:30,007

but you feel a million miles away.

00:33:30,008 --> 00:33:32,010

You're here, but you're not here.

00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:37,348

And I miss you, Carolyn.

I miss the person I fell in love with.

00:33:37,349 --> 00:33:39,226

John, I'm right here.

00:33:41,394 --> 00:33:43,647

I am the person you fell in love with.

00:33:46,149 --> 00:33:47,858

But you don't want this version of me.

00:33:47,859 --> 00:33:50,736

You want… You want the cold, unattainable,

00:33:50,737 --> 00:33:53,865

shiny version, the-the version

of me that's like a trophy.

00:33:54,491 --> 00:33:56,867

I mean, the moment I started

being vulnerable with you, you--

00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:58,703

You think you're vulnerable with me?

00:34:00,413 --> 00:34:04,291

To be vulnerable, you'd actually have

to want something and need something.

00:34:04,292 --> 00:34:07,753

The only thing you seem to want to do is

tell me again and again and again

00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:09,129

how much you hate our life.

00:34:09,130 --> 00:34:11,423

I knew it. I knew it.

I should never have let my guard down.

00:34:11,424 --> 00:34:14,052

I broke my own rule.

I'm so dumb.

00:34:15,887 --> 00:34:18,180

- I've just been bracing myself.

- For what?

00:34:18,181 --> 00:34:19,723

I'm always bracing myself, John.

00:34:19,724 --> 00:34:22,851

I have spent my entire life

just bracing myself

00:34:22,852 --> 00:34:25,896

for these terrible things to happen to me

and deal with them alone.

00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:27,857

And this is no different from any of that.

00:34:29,150 --> 00:34:30,734

You knew who I was before you married me.

00:34:30,735 --> 00:34:33,905

God, I wish people

would stop telling me that.

00:34:34,823 --> 00:34:36,491

No one knows who they're marrying.

00:34:37,659 --> 00:34:39,035

Apparently not.

00:34:44,541 --> 00:34:46,626

People are supposed to change, John.

00:34:47,919 --> 00:34:49,379

I didn't.

00:34:50,505 --> 00:34:53,758

You say that like it's a virtue,

like it's… like it's somehow commendable.

00:34:55,552 --> 00:34:57,386

You haven't made any space

for me in your life.

00:34:57,387 --> 00:34:59,847

Tell me one thing

that you have changed in your life

00:34:59,848 --> 00:35:01,557

since we've been married.

00:35:01,558 --> 00:35:04,018

You live in the same loft,

you have the same job, the same friends,

00:35:04,019 --> 00:35:06,520

you spend the same weekends

at Red Gate or Hyannis,

00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:08,231

the same schedule.

00:35:09,899 --> 00:35:13,485

Everything in my life has changed.

Do you understand that?

00:35:13,486 --> 00:35:15,280

That's your choice.

00:35:16,156 --> 00:35:17,990

You act like every misfortune in your life

00:35:17,991 --> 00:35:20,200

is the result of

some ultimatum I've given you,

00:35:20,201 --> 00:35:23,245

like you have zero agency

in this relationship.

00:35:23,246 --> 00:35:26,498

I didn't make you quit your job.

I didn't make you marry me.

00:35:26,499 --> 00:35:30,044

I didn't tell you to let the tabloids

ruin your life. But you know what?

00:35:30,045 --> 00:35:32,421

I think there's a part of you

that enjoys this shit with the press.

00:35:32,422 --> 00:35:35,174

- Excuse me?

- Yeah, so you can lord it over me.

00:35:35,175 --> 00:35:37,509

Punish me with it, fault me endlessly

00:35:37,510 --> 00:35:40,512

for not controlling things

outside of my control.

00:35:40,513 --> 00:35:41,597

You relish it.

00:35:41,598 --> 00:35:44,433

It's like you have no identity

outside of your own victimhood.

00:35:44,434 --> 00:35:48,437

Thank you. Thank you.

You love how hated I am.

00:35:48,438 --> 00:35:50,230

Of course you do,

because you're America's son,

00:35:50,231 --> 00:35:53,735

and I am just another tragedy

you bravely endure.

00:36:02,077 --> 00:36:06,665

Well.

Yeah, I think I may have hit my limit.

00:36:11,336 --> 00:36:13,004

What are you talking about?

00:36:18,843 --> 00:36:21,220

John,

what are you talking about?

00:36:21,221 --> 00:36:25,057

Maybe I've endured enough tragedy

for one lifetime.

00:36:25,058 --> 00:36:26,851

Fuck.

00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:35,902

John, come back.

00:36:38,113 --> 00:36:39,114

John!

00:36:40,824 --> 00:36:43,451

John, what are you doing?

00:36:45,620 --> 00:36:46,621

What…

00:36:47,205 --> 00:36:48,373

I can't keep doing this.

00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:53,211

What are you talking about?

00:36:53,795 --> 00:36:55,963

Doing what?

What are you… What are you talking about?

00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:58,549

Everything and everyone I touch

falls apart,

00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:00,259

and now this is falling apart too.

00:37:00,260 --> 00:37:04,555

And I just think that if I stay, I'm gonna

do or say something that I'll regret.

00:37:04,556 --> 00:37:06,808

L-Like what? Like what, John?

00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:09,518

I'll be at the Stanhope.

Just a day or two.

00:37:09,519 --> 00:37:12,230

No, J-John, just say

what you were gonna say.

00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:14,732

There is nothing you can say to me

00:37:14,733 --> 00:37:17,444

that would hurt me more

than you walking out that door.

00:37:18,653 --> 00:37:20,654

Do you know what it's like

to see it in your eyes

00:37:20,655 --> 00:37:22,448

that I'm failing at this marriage?

00:37:22,449 --> 00:37:25,577

Like I failed as a lawyer

and now I'm failing as a magazine editor.

00:37:26,703 --> 00:37:29,747

I couldn't help my mom.

And I can't help Anthony.

00:37:29,748 --> 00:37:32,166

And I don't think

I can handle another failure right now.

00:37:32,167 --> 00:37:33,168

No, John.

00:37:36,838 --> 00:37:39,382

When I told you everything ends,

you said not us.

00:37:41,593 --> 00:37:44,052

What happened to not us, John?

00:37:44,053 --> 00:37:46,805

What happened to not us?

What happened to not us?

00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:48,850

What happened to not us?

00:37:49,934 --> 00:37:53,062

What happened to not us?

00:37:53,772 --> 00:37:56,482

When I told you everything ends,

you said not us.

00:37:56,483 --> 00:37:58,526

What happened to not us?

00:38:04,908 --> 00:38:06,200

This isn't ending.

00:38:06,201 --> 00:38:07,577

Yes, it is.

00:38:09,829 --> 00:38:11,121

You're running away.

00:38:11,122 --> 00:38:13,123

I don't want to keep hurting you, Carolyn.

00:38:13,124 --> 00:38:15,000

I wanna be with you.

00:38:15,001 --> 00:38:16,543

Then be with me.

00:38:16,544 --> 00:38:18,171

I don't wanna fight.

00:38:20,924 --> 00:38:22,258

You have to.

00:38:23,343 --> 00:38:26,386

That's what people do.

They fight. They stay, they fight.

00:38:26,387 --> 00:38:28,889

If we keep fighting,

we're gonna lose each other.

00:38:28,890 --> 00:38:31,643

Please don't leave me.

00:38:32,769 --> 00:38:34,187

Please.

00:38:42,779 --> 00:38:44,948

Please don't prove my mother right.

00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:55,333

I'm coming back, I promise.

00:39:04,384 --> 00:39:05,593

I love you.

00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:29,571

♪ Puff, puff, puff ♪

00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:35,369

♪ Puff your cares away ♪

00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:43,126

♪ Puff, puff, puff ♪

00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:49,049

♪ Night and day ♪

00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:57,390

♪ Blow, blow them through the air ♪

00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:03,313

♪ Silky little rings ♪

00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:07,441

♪ Those little smoke rings I love ♪

00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:08,776

- [elevator dings]

- [song ends]

00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:09,860

[water running]

00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:10,904

[elevator door opens]

00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:12,739

Hi.

00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:14,992

Hey.

00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,411

How was… How was the thing?

00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,082

Well, you know.

00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:27,337

[smacks lips] It was a journalist's

book party in Midtown.

00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,548

How do you think it was?

00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:34,011

- Utterly fine? [chuckles]

- [John chuckles] Violently fine.

00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,430

Anthony dropped by for a bit.

00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,806

Yeah? How'd he look?

00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,434

[John sighs] Frail.

00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,227

Wonder why he bothered showing up.

00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:44,478

Life is for the living.

00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:46,397

[Carolyn chuckles]

Does that constitute living?

00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,274

[scoffs] A journalist book party

in Midtown?

00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:49,483

I had fun.

00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,486

[♪ "No Ordinary Love" playing]

00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,531

- Did you?

- [John] Yeah.

00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,616

Although I did get trapped

for about 20 minutes

00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,535

by that artist lady who wears those hats.

00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,203

[stutters] Lizzie is a publicist.

00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:04,207

The reason you think she's an artist

is because she's a good publicist.

00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,084

Um.

00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,591

[chuckles] Wha-What are you doing?

00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,217

What does it look like I'm doing?

00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,637

[Carolyn giggles]

00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,139

I love this song.

00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:26,896

♪ This is no ordinary love ♪

00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,522

You know what else I love?

00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:29,566

Mmm?

00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,110

I love you.

00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,408

I love you too.

00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:46,415

Tonight would have been

so much more fun if you were there.

00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,669

Everything's more fun when I'm there.

00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:54,049

- That's usually true.

- [giggles]

00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,678

[John] You know, I think this is

the first song we ever danced to.

00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:00,681

God, we barely knew each other then.

00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,516

- I knew you. I knew who you were.

- Mmm?

00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,017

- Yeah? [chuckles]

- You were fearless.

00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,353

No, I was terrified.

00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:10,314

♪ A love like that won't last? ♪

00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:13,151

The way you used to walk

into a room and just own it.

00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,447

Used to?

00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,409

No, you-you know what I mean.

00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:24,371

Baby, I missed you tonight.

00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:28,708

Everyone was asking where you were.

00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:33,003

It's hard to keep track

of all the excuses at this point.

00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:37,425

♪ This is no ordinary love ♪

00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:40,804

♪ No ordinary love ♪

00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,268

You're hungry.

I don't want the food to get cold.

00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:58,613

[music stops]

00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:06,328

I'm sorry.

00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,331

I wasn't trying to guilt-trip you.

00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,460

Just missed you.

00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:15,422

I mean it was a completely

mediocre book party in Midtown. I…

00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:18,466

Really doesn't sound

like I missed much, right?

00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:19,468

[John sighs]

00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,804

[Carolyn clears throat]

00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:26,557

If you were so desperate to see me,

you would have just skipped it to see me.

00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:29,351

And the fact that it didn't even occur

to you as an option makes me feel like

00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,730

this isn't just about us spending

time together, but about…

00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:35,859

people seeing us spend time together.

00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:37,818

Just… [sighs]

00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,821

I hate showing up to these things alone.

00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,573

Because of what people will say?

00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,450

No. No.

00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:45,659

[Carolyn] Mmm.

00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,912

- Well, obviously that's part of it.

- Mm-hmm.

00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,414

[John] You know what happens anytime

I show up to these things alone.

00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,499

[sighs]

00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,168

There's another headline stating

that we're headed for divorce.

00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:57,505

Uh, well, I mean, at this point, they're

gonna write a story no matter what.

00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:58,507

- So…

- [John] Exactly.

00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,259

Damned if we do, damned if we don't.

00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,720

Right, I just… I feel like

we're saying the same thing here.

00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:08,391

All I'm saying is I'd like to spend time

with you outside of this loft.

00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,482

I have a crazy idea.

00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,360

- A plate?

- Um, let's go on a trip.

00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:21,904

- What kind of a trip?

- [Carolyn] Any kind of trip you want.

00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:25,574

Mmm. Paris, Belize, Tahiti.

00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,992

- Tahiti?

- Yeah, Tahiti.

00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,994

Just you and me at the beach.

00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,331

No parties, no obligation, no press.

00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:33,749

No clothes.

00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,293

- Carolyn.

- I'm serious.

00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,673

Maybe after the holidays.

00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,466

After the holidays?

John, it's-it's August.

00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:45,679

It's August 30th.

That's essentially September.

00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,514

We have

the Delancey Street Foundation dinner

00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,015

- in San Francisco.

- Mm-hmm.

00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,851

Back to New York for Fashion Week.

00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,519

Then I have the Cuba trip.

00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,647

After that, we're in the Vineyard,

straight to Red Gate.

00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,775

Then we're back in the city

for Terry and Valerie's Halloween party.

00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,152

November is the George anniversary dinner.

00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,737

- Mm-hmm.

- Thanksgiving at Hyannis.

00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,239

- [huffs]

- Christmas with the cousins.

00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,740

Your birthday in January.

00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,952

Figured you'd wanna be with friends,

but, yeah, a trip sounds nice.

00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,329

[chuckles]

00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:17,042

Okay, so what you're saying is

we can't go on vacation until 1998?

00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,044

[John] Of course not.

00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,672

We have Hyannis next weekend, remember?

00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,176

Fuck me, I forgot.

00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,723

You know, a lot of people consider

the Cape to be

00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,726

one of the most beautiful areas

of the country.

00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,643

Yeah, I'm aware of that.

00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,062

I don't have a problem with the Cape.

It's the compound.

00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,064

[John] What about it?

00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:40,774

Come on. [scoffs]

00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,027

No, let's hear it.

00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,820

- Out with it.

- [chuckles]

00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:48,949

Um. It's not relaxing.

Every minute of the day is accounted for.

00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:52,454

We can't sleep in, we can't sit

on the beach, we can't go for a walk.

00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,332

- There's no privacy, so we never have sex.

- Hmm.

00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:59,918

Oh. There's never enough hot water,

which is frankly mind-boggling,

00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,004

given the marvel that is modern plumbing.

00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:05,508

And even in the height of summer,

it's always cold, like w-how?

00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,178

And there are all these insane,

unwritten rules.

00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:13,183

Like, uh, board games are verboten,

but playing cards encouraged.

00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,809

- What's the difference?

- [chuckles]

00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:19,438

Oh. And yogurt at breakfast is

sensible, but yogurt at lunch is,

00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,981

and I'm quoting your cousin here,

00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:24,109

- "Some Weight Watchers shit." [scoffs]

- "Some Weight Watchers shit."

00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:27,738

Oh. And that, um, that rule

about no TV during the day.

00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,281

Well, that's not a rule.

00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,993

It's just…

Do you wanna watch TV during the day?

00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,953

I want the option.

00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:39,541

Spending your day in front of the TV on

a beautiful summer's day is just wasteful.

00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,126

[Carolyn] So it is a rule?

00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,211

It's a norm.

00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,714

Oh, there's nothing norm about it,

trust me.

00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,634

Everyone shoots me these judgmental looks

whenever I read magazines.

00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:52,680

And-And before you say that Caroline

reads magazines all the time too,

00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:56,100

let me interrupt your interruption and say

that Caroline reads The New Republic,

00:07:56,101 --> 00:08:00,355

and while, technically, yes, that's

a magazine, spiritually, it's a book.

00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,732

- Vogue, that's a magazine.

- [scoffs]

00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,859

[Carolyn] And don't think I haven't

noticed the expectant looks

00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,820

on everyone's faces

when I abstain from a cocktail.

00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,614

I am basically guzzling Dark 'n' Stormys

prophylactically

00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:11,865

at this point.

00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:14,743

Yeah, I-I have to drink or else

people will think I'm pregnant. [scoffs]

00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,495

You think I'm joking, but I'm serious.

00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:20,374

I-I just feel like I'm on display, like…

like there's this sense of visibility.

00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:23,961

Like-like my body is this living,

breathing report card

00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,256

broadcasting the state

of our relationship.

00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,175

- You could always drink a Sea Breeze.

- [Carolyn giggles]

00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,010

- [gasps] And the clams.

- The clams?

00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,178

Over Fourth of July weekend,

00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,431

your family had five clambakes

over three days.

00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:36,433

Six actually.

00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:40,227

We had a midnight clambake,

but I let you sleep through that one.

00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,187

Who wants clams at midnight?

00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,857

That-That's diabolical.

[stammers] That's sadistic.

00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,609

Okay, okay, I hear you.

00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:50,530

- Hyannis can be specific.

- No, I believe I said, "Sadistic."

00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,158

I like spending time with our family.

I'm sorry.

00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,367

John, they're your family.

00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,618

[John] They're your family too.

00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,954

- Family is important.

- Yeah, you and me, we're a family.

00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,248

[phone ringing]

00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,215

Hello.

00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,093

What? [stutters]

00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,054

What happened?

00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,975

Laur-Lauren, slow down, you're scaring me.

00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,436

- [John] What's going on?

- [stutters]

00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,355

[stutters] Mm-hmm.

00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,900

Okay, what channel?

00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,693

[stutters] Will you?

00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,738

Yeah, okay, let me call you back,

all right?

00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,947

Love you. Bye.

00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:34,949

[thuds]

00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,577

[news anchor] An update now

on the condition of Princess Diana,

00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,663

who was involved in a traffic accident

in Paris this evening.

00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,457

She is in a serious condition.

00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,709

She was driving with her companion,

Dodi Al-Fayed.

00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,545

He, according to police officials, died

in the accident…

00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,589

- Oh, my God!

- [news anchor] …along with a chauffeur.

00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:54,676

The princess's bodyguard was also injured.

We don't know his condition at this hour.

00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,512

- The accident happened…

- Oh, my God.

00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,347

[news anchor] …as Diana's car

was being pursued

00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:01,225

by a group of paparazzis on motorcycles

as they entered a tunnel

00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:03,102

- along the River Seine.

- I just saw her.

00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,645

- What?

- At Gianni's funeral.

00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,438

I-I sat right behind her.

00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,566

[news anchor] She has been monitoring

Paris for any new information.

00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:12,069

- [news anchor] Nina, can you hear me?

- [Nina] Yes, I can.

00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,489

[news anchor] Dodi Al-Fayed, obviously,

a very famous man, a millionaire as well.

00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:16,865

Do you have any news on his condition?

00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,869

We have police reports and others saying

that he is in fact…

00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:24,248

[Nina] All we know

at the moment is that he has in fact…

00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:26,041

…as well as the driver.

00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,585

Princess Diana apparently

has been severely injured

00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,212

as well as a bodyguard.

00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,839

[news anchor 2] Do we know

the nature of her injury?

00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,632

- Carolyn.

- [Nina] Not at this moment.

00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,634

- We know that she has been taken…

- Carolyn.

00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,718

[Carolyn] Yeah?

00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,013

The glasses in the dishwasher,

are they clean?

00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:41,850

[Carolyn] What?

00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,810

The glasses in the dishwasher,

are they clean?

00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:45,894

I-I don't know.

00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:48,272

[news anchor] There has been no comment

from Buckingham Palace…

00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,399

[John] You don't know

if you ran the dishwasher or not?

00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,484

- [stutters] What?

- [John] I don't get how you don't know.

00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,778

- You either ran it or you didn't.

- Why are you asking me?

00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:55,946

[John] You've been home all day.

00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,823

Do you remember

hearing the dishwasher run?

00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,449

Yes, I did a dish wash.

00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:00,577

[sighs]

00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,620

[news anchor 2] The paparazzi, of course,

have been trying to photograph

00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:07,791

Princess Diana with Dodi Al-Fayed,

a famous millionaire with whom

00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:10,961

she has been in a romantic relationship

for the last couple of weeks.

00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,547

[news anchor] Have they been engendering

a fair bit of publicity

00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:16,091

while they were in Paris?

'Cause most people knew they were there.

00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:20,847

[Nina] Oh, yes. There has been an

extraordinary amount of tabloid and media…

00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,140

[news anchor] What can you tell us

00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,058

about the area of Paris

where the accident occurred?

00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,019

I guess it was the entrance ramp

of the tunnel.

00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,771

[Nina] It was an entrance route

to the underground tunnel

00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,690

that goes under the Seine River.

00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:36,612

This area is well-known by tourists.

So it's a very well-populated area.

00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:38,238

- [clunks]

- [news anchor 2] Let's go back

00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,615

to the scene of the wreckage.

00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:43,702

There's the recognizable

back end of the Mercedes sedan,

00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,496

and there is the unrecognizable front end

00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:49,666

of what must have been

a high-speed collision.

00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:52,377

In the front part of the car,

the two flashes of white there

00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:55,964

are the deployed airbags,

the remnants of the airbags.

00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:59,426

Princess Diana is unmatched

when it comes to generating interest

00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,553

and, indeed, cash for deserving projects…

00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,555

- I'm going for a run.

- [news anchor 2] …taken an interest.

00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,390

- Her most high-profile involvement…

- What?

00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,559

[news anchor 2] …has been

to draw the world's attention

00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,479

- to the horrors facing civilians…

- John.

00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,314

- I'll be back in a bit.

- [Carolyn scoffs]

00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:13,524

[♪ "Exit Music" playing]

00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,029

- [news anchor] Diana was also recently…

- [elevator dings, opens]

00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:22,157

[news anchor] …mostly dominating headlines

in the newspaper,

00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:26,286

especially in Britain, concerning

her relationship with Dodi Al-Fayed,

00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:29,164

which reported that she joined

her 40-year-old millionaire companion

00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:32,376

and a group of friends

for a Mediterranean cruise,

00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,671

once again,

putting her personal life under scrutiny.

00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:38,632

Her private holiday was filmed

by the Italian paparazzi,

00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:41,969

who are now auctioning the photographs

to the highest bidder.

00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,679

We will continue to cover…

00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,683

♪ We escape ♪

00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:56,484

♪ Breathe ♪

00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,779

♪ Keep breathing ♪

00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:04,575

♪ I can't do this ♪

00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:09,330

♪ Alone ♪

00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:24,887

♪ You can laugh ♪

00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:32,937

♪ A spineless laugh ♪

00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,606

♪ We hope your rules ♪

00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,609

[news anchor] …it said, and I quote,

00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:41,194

"Princess Diana has died."

00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:48,161

♪ And wisdom choke you ♪

00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:57,086

♪ Now we are one ♪

00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:05,344

♪ In everlasting peace ♪

00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:11,893

♪ We hope that you choke ♪

00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:18,066

♪ That you choke ♪

00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,789

[elevator door closes]

00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,833

[news anchor 4] …very tragic turn,

with confirmation

00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,335

from Buckingham Palace tonight

00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:42,464

that the world has lost

Princess Diana at age 36.

00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:45,759

The official cause of death was

listed as cardiac arrest

00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,803

following massive trauma

and head injuries.

00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,054

- [Carolyn] She's dead.

- [sighs]

00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,640

[news anchor 4] Doctors noted

that these injuries were consistent

00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,559

with a high-speed collision.

00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,561

[news anchor 5] If you are now tuning in,

we have been covering…

00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,731

- They killed her.

- [news anchor 5] …accident of Princess…

00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,983

[Carolyn] She did everything right,

posed for every photo,

00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:04,069

gave them everything they wanted,

and they just…

00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,822

[news anchor 5] Her companion,

Dodi Al-Fayed, was killed outright…

00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,533

- …they still killed her.

- [news anchor 5] …the Mercedes car.

00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:12,160

- Surgeons at a nearby hospital…

- It's very sad.

00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,539

- [Carolyn] It's monstrous.

- [news anchor 5] …a battle they lost.

00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,623

The British ambassador…

00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:19,292

She was their princess,

and they treated her like prey.

00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:22,170

[news anchor 5] …which we now know

got rather frantic

00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,339

as they started to lose her pulse.

00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,633

- [news anchor 5] At the scene, police…

- I gotta clean my face off.

00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:30,595

[news anchor 5] …paparazzi photographers

allegedly pursuing the princess's car

00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,264

in a high-speed chase.

00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,807

Seven men were arrested.

00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:36,852

And the film rolls have

all been confiscated.

00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,354

And the world

is slowly learning of this news…

00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:43,608

You know, I think there's something

really macabre about watching this shit

00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,695

when right now, halfway across the world,

someone is waking up her kids

00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:49,072

before they find out

their parent is dead on TV.

00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:51,324

[news anchor 5] He and the First Lady

have sent

00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,995

their condolences to Buckingham Palace.

00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:59,417

There are reports that the royal family,

uh, they are at Balmoral in Scotland…

00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,172

[Carolyn] I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to upset you.

00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:07,758

[sighs]

00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,314

[Carolyn] Those poor boys.

00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,567

At least they have each other.

00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,695

Like you and Caroline.

00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:30,781

- Like me and Caroline?

- [Carolyn] Yeah.

00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,452

This is nothing like

what me and Caroline went through.

00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:38,455

They're princes.

They're members of a monarchy.

00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:41,541

I was three when my dad died.

I grew up 60 blocks from here.

00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,420

I rode my bike to school.

It's night and day.

00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,632

Okay.

00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,597

You're telling me it wasn't like that.

00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:57,934

What was it like?

00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,188

- I don't wanna talk about it.

- John.

00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:05,732

You're making assumptions

and trying to tell me

00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,108

what my own childhood was like,

00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,194

and I have everyone else in the world

to do that for me

00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,364

without having to hear it

from my own wife.

00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,084

John.

00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:27,505

I'm just trying to understand.

00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,968

- Does it not scare you?

- [sighs]

00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,353

John.

00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:45,898

Fine.

00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,902

You wanna know what I'm so scared of?

What's going through my head?

00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,698

What I was thinking about

the entire time during my jog?

00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,909

That you are never

gonna leave the house again.

00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,161

Do I see the parallels

between what we deal with

00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:01,621

and what happened to her?

00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,040

Of course I do. But can I say that?

00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:07,420

No, it'll just be one more thing that's

gonna stop you from living your life.

00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,801

You wanna know why I can't watch this?

00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:19,390

Because if I do,

I'll never fucking stop, okay?

00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:29,650

[sighs]

00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,782

Do you wanna hear about my childhood?

00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,786

I don't remember my dad dying, at all.

00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:46,374

But what I remember vividly is

my mom being basically in a trance.

00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,210

And the hours

that Caroline and the nanny and I spent

00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:52,548

while my mom was locked away

in a dark room, crying alone.

00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:04,143

And why… Couldn't she just play with me?

00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:14,028

It was my mother I watched die,

not my dad.

00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,739

I watched her die twice.

00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,374

And now it feels

like I'm watching you slip away.

00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,585

You're choosing the darkness.

00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:35,007

I'm watching it happen.

I feel like I'm being abandoned again.

00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:39,219

I can't lose you.

You're the one person I can't lose.

00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,303

Do you understand that?

00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:44,140

I've lost so many people in my life,

and I can't lose you.

00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,643

I can't. I can't lose you.

00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:51,690

- John.

- [John] I can't, I can't. I can't. [sobs]

00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,193

[Carolyn shushes]

00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,280

I can't lose you, Carolyn.

00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,992

- Breathe.

- [John sobbing]

00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:05,162

I'm not going anywhere.

00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,210

Just breathe.

00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:36,025

[♪ "Smile" playing]

00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:39,280

♪ Now you should smile ♪

00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:45,536

♪ Though your heart is aching ♪

00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:52,793

♪ Smile even though it's breaking ♪

00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:59,175

♪ When there are clouds ♪

00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:03,053

♪ Way up in the sky ♪

00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,224

♪ You're gonna get by ♪

00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:11,687

♪ That's the time ♪

00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:17,067

♪ You must keep on trying ♪

00:21:17,568 --> 00:21:19,820

♪ Oh, you gotta smile ♪

00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:25,993

♪ What's the use of crying ♪

00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:31,624

♪ You'll find that life is still ♪

00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:38,964

♪ Worthwhile ♪

00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:42,092

♪ If you'd just ♪

00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:47,473

♪ Smile ♪

00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:50,350

♪ Come on ♪

00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:56,357

♪ Now show me a little smile ♪

00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:01,821

You're gonna hurt yourself.

00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,992

- You sure you don't want a hand?

- [Carolyn] No, I'm good.

00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:13,164

God, we went through so much wine.

00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,166

[John] Uh-huh.

00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:19,171

[grunts]

00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:27,096

[phone beeps]

00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,181

[sighs]

00:22:32,476 --> 00:22:33,769

Hey, Jason. It's John.

00:22:34,812 --> 00:22:37,273

My dinner is done. I'm just at home.

00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:39,233

Give me a call whenever.

00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,903

Why are you calling

your flight instructor?

00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:46,031

What are you talking about?

I talk to him all the time.

00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:51,119

I have to log 40 more hours

before I'm instrument-rated. [grunts]

00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,497

You just crashed flying

that ridiculous lawn mower contraption.

00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:56,583

I think it's obvious

you need a bit more time than that.

00:22:56,584 --> 00:23:00,086

It's called a Buckeye,

and it's an entirely different machine.

00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:02,381

Buckeyes have nothing to do

with airplanes.

00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,843

Didn't you promise Caroline

you were done with flying?

00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:09,555

Since when are you so concerned

with what Caroline wants?

00:23:14,685 --> 00:23:15,811

What are you doing?

00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:19,522

- I want my cigarettes.

- No, just sit. Sit. I'll get them for you.

00:23:19,523 --> 00:23:22,025

I don't want you hobbling up the stairs.

00:23:22,026 --> 00:23:24,445

[John] They're not up the stairs.

They're in my room.

00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:35,748

- [door closes]

- [cutlery clanking]

00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:39,835

[John grunts]

00:23:40,878 --> 00:23:43,087

You know, if we left now,

we could probably catch the tail end

00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:45,007

of that Vanity Fair party at Pravda.

00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:50,053

John, you're not supposed

to be putting any pressure on that ankle.

00:23:50,054 --> 00:23:52,348

No parties, no stairs, no flying lessons.

00:23:53,182 --> 00:23:55,892

Well, we'll take a cab.

I can sit when I get there.

00:23:55,893 --> 00:23:56,894

[Carolyn sighs]

00:23:58,812 --> 00:24:01,022

- Ugh. Fuck.

- [Carolyn] I'm wiped.

00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:04,317

But if you wanna go, you should go.

00:24:04,318 --> 00:24:05,986

Wiped? It's not even 11:00.

00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:12,743

Can you please stop with the candle?

00:24:13,744 --> 00:24:15,371

Wait, is this a fight right now?

00:24:18,082 --> 00:24:19,248

No, I'm fine.

00:24:19,249 --> 00:24:21,210

What? What now?

00:24:25,255 --> 00:24:28,216

Fine, if you want me to sit here

and beg you for it, I will.

00:24:28,217 --> 00:24:30,093

Or we can just fast-forward to the part

00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:32,304

where you tell me

exactly how it is I fucked up.

00:24:34,098 --> 00:24:35,099

[John sighs]

00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:37,851

You told me to go work for Petra.

00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:41,813

- When?

- Uh, thirty minutes ago,

00:24:41,814 --> 00:24:43,440

at this dinner party

you insisted on hosting.

00:24:45,526 --> 00:24:47,819

Petra was complaining

about how difficult it is to find

00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:50,780

anyone with work experience willing

to build something from the ground up

00:24:50,781 --> 00:24:52,991

and accept a pay cut,

and you started yelling at me for--

00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,410

- I did not yell.

- Yeah, John, you were literally yelling.

00:24:55,411 --> 00:24:58,162

And I know that because you were seated

at the other end of the table.

00:24:58,163 --> 00:25:00,373

All I said was

that you had fashion experience

00:25:00,374 --> 00:25:02,251

- and you didn't need money.

- PR.

00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:08,631

- I have PR experience.

- At Calvin Klein.

00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:10,216

Isn't that fashion? That's fashion.

00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:13,469

Petra has a jewelry line, John.

I'm not a jewelry designer.

00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:15,972

Well, I'm sorry for insinuating

that you have great taste.

00:25:15,973 --> 00:25:18,058

Yeah, that qualifies me to buy jewelry.

00:25:18,684 --> 00:25:20,352

- Not make it.

- [sighs]

00:25:25,816 --> 00:25:29,527

It's humiliating getting pitched

for job after job

00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:31,237

regardless of my interests

or qualifications.

00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:33,156

- When have I ever--

- [Carolyn] You do it all the time.

00:25:33,157 --> 00:25:34,449

I mean, you practically shoved me

00:25:34,450 --> 00:25:36,743

into André Leon Talley's lap

at that fundraiser.

00:25:36,744 --> 00:25:38,745

- No, I did not.

- [Carolyn] John, yes, you did.

00:25:38,746 --> 00:25:41,039

You know, it makes me feel

like I am this dead weight

00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,042

that you are desperate to shed.

You're just… You're…

00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,503

You're getting wax all over the table.

00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:49,506

I thought you hated this table.

00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:01,601

What did you mean

I insisted on hosting this dinner party?

00:26:01,602 --> 00:26:03,144

It was your idea, wasn't it?

00:26:03,145 --> 00:26:05,938

Well, I knew better than to suggest

we go to a restaurant,

00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:07,857

or anywhere else

other than this apartment.

00:26:07,858 --> 00:26:09,233

[stammers] Are you seriously that upset

00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:11,320

that I organized a dinner party

for your friends?

00:26:12,529 --> 00:26:14,490

It really bothers me when you do that.

00:26:15,657 --> 00:26:16,741

Do what?

00:26:16,742 --> 00:26:19,035

Delineate between my friends

and your friends.

00:26:19,036 --> 00:26:21,955

We're a unit, John. They're our friends.

00:26:22,831 --> 00:26:23,832

[sighs]

00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:26,710

Okay, Carolyn.

00:26:29,004 --> 00:26:31,130

- Pronoun rescinded.

- [Carolyn] What are you doing?

00:26:31,131 --> 00:26:33,050

Sorry if my grammar offended you.

00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:46,813

[Carolyn] Y-You seemed perfectly happy

holding court with my friends.

00:26:46,814 --> 00:26:49,817

[John] Yeah, well, they were bombarding me

with questions.

00:26:52,319 --> 00:26:53,529

Yes.

00:26:56,156 --> 00:27:00,827

And to be honest, I think people are

uncomfortable asking you

00:27:00,828 --> 00:27:02,286

about what's going on in your life

00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:04,705

'cause they're not sure

if you want to talk about it.

00:27:04,706 --> 00:27:07,166

[stutters] What do you mean

what's going on in my life?

00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:10,921

You know, that you're still trying

to figure out your thing.

00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:13,048

My thing. [scoffs]

00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:18,678

You know, enough with this

relentless pressure to have a thing.

00:27:18,679 --> 00:27:20,013

Why do I have to have a thing?

00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:23,641

It's all I hear about

from your family and your friends

00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:25,685

and-and the press, and especially you.

00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:27,728

Because it's not enough

to just be a Kennedy, no.

00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:29,856

No, you have to work at the NRDC

or make a documentary

00:27:29,857 --> 00:27:31,984

or write a book about constitutional law.

00:27:32,734 --> 00:27:36,237

I am 33 years old.

I've been working since I'm 15.

00:27:36,238 --> 00:27:38,656

Can't my thing just be taking a beat

00:27:38,657 --> 00:27:40,741

to settle into my marriage

and enjoy my life?

00:27:40,742 --> 00:27:44,162

Is that what you're doing all day alone

in the apartment, enjoying your life?

00:27:46,707 --> 00:27:48,584

I'm figuring it out.

00:27:49,293 --> 00:27:51,794

And in the meantime,

I don't wanna just join some board

00:27:51,795 --> 00:27:55,172

because it would make you feel better when

people ask me what I do at dinner parties.

00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:57,216

I would think you, of all people,

should be able to understand that.

00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:58,676

- Me, of all people?

- [Carolyn] Yes, John.

00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:01,138

You, of all people, should know

what this is like.

00:28:01,763 --> 00:28:04,473

Instead, you just come at me

with all this unhelpful help,

00:28:04,474 --> 00:28:06,517

like it's become a full-time job just…

00:28:06,518 --> 00:28:10,521

just batting away this constant barrage

of indiscriminate suggestions

00:28:10,522 --> 00:28:12,691

on how to fill my days, and-and…

00:28:13,901 --> 00:28:15,861

and I… I feel guilty.

00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:20,282

Because I know you think you're trying

to be helpful, but it doesn't…

00:28:21,909 --> 00:28:23,452

It doesn't feel helpful.

00:28:24,536 --> 00:28:26,246

It feels like you're judging me.

00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,040

So, what am I supposed to do

when you complain

00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:31,001

about how unmoored your life feels?

00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:33,836

Just sit there and say nothing?

00:28:33,837 --> 00:28:35,088

Yes. Yes.

00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:37,257

Just say nothing.

00:28:37,799 --> 00:28:40,218

Just… Just listen.

00:28:42,137 --> 00:28:43,220

That's what I need from you.

00:28:43,221 --> 00:28:46,474

I just need you to sit and listen

and let me feel lost.

00:28:46,475 --> 00:28:50,771

Can I… Like, can I just… f-feel lost?

00:28:51,980 --> 00:28:53,899

Can you please allow me the space

to do that?

00:28:55,609 --> 00:28:56,859

Yes.

00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:58,862

- [sighs] Okay.

- [John] Yes, I can do that.

00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:07,161

You know, look, I get that it's daunting

to start over, but just look at my mom.

00:29:07,162 --> 00:29:08,705

Oh, my God.

00:29:09,247 --> 00:29:12,416

She was a lifelong reader

who became a book editor at the age of 46.

00:29:12,417 --> 00:29:14,877

Forty-six. Yes, John, I know. I know.

00:29:14,878 --> 00:29:16,963

All I'm saying is that she figured it out

00:29:16,964 --> 00:29:20,091

despite public scrutiny

or the threat of public scrutiny.

00:29:20,092 --> 00:29:23,803

John, it is impossible for me

to overstate just how aware I am

00:29:23,804 --> 00:29:26,055

that your mother was

a very impressive woman.

00:29:26,056 --> 00:29:27,557

Believe me, okay?

00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,477

But do you think your mother could

have held a nine-to-five job in publishing

00:29:31,478 --> 00:29:33,939

when she was married

to the most famous man on the planet?

00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:37,692

- She did that when she was a widow.

- Enough! Enough about my mother.

00:29:37,693 --> 00:29:40,778

- What? John, John, you brought her up.

- And now I'm saying to drop it.

00:29:40,779 --> 00:29:42,655

- You mention my mother enough.

- Your mother's still here

00:29:42,656 --> 00:29:43,906

- to defend herself.

- Mm-hmm.

00:29:43,907 --> 00:29:46,742

You don't know how lucky you are

that I never introduced you to my mother

00:29:46,743 --> 00:29:48,954

because she never

would have encouraged this.

00:29:49,454 --> 00:29:50,914

Us.

00:29:59,172 --> 00:30:00,173

Wow.

00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:02,758

I mean, it's not

like I would have listened to her.

00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:04,177

No, no. Yeah. Sure.

00:30:08,724 --> 00:30:10,558

Maybe I should have listened to mine.

00:30:10,559 --> 00:30:11,726

What?

00:30:11,727 --> 00:30:13,979

My mother basically told me

I should end this.

00:30:14,563 --> 00:30:15,605

When?

00:30:17,566 --> 00:30:20,609

- At the wedding.

- All right. The speech.

00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:22,070

No, no, it was earlier.

00:30:25,198 --> 00:30:27,284

- That afternoon.

- [John] What are you talking about?

00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:29,745

Carolyn.

00:30:31,621 --> 00:30:33,915

Carolyn, what are you talking about?

00:30:35,709 --> 00:30:37,877

- Carolyn.

- [Carolyn] My mother came into my room

00:30:37,878 --> 00:30:40,922

the day of our rehearsal dinner

and warned me not to marry you.

00:30:42,382 --> 00:30:45,009

She said that

you would never prioritize me,

00:30:45,010 --> 00:30:48,429

that you'd always choose your job

or your family or yourself,

00:30:48,430 --> 00:30:51,141

that you would never make space for me

in your life.

00:30:53,477 --> 00:30:55,770

And I pushed back on her,

I told her she was wrong,

00:30:55,771 --> 00:30:59,565

- and now… now I-I don't know that she was.

- Carolyn, I do make space for you.

00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:02,861

No, John, John, I know you think you do,

but you're always out.

00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:08,449

You come home at 11:00, at midnight.

Last night, you were home at 3:00 a.m.

00:31:08,450 --> 00:31:10,367

Yeah, well, we're closing

the August issue of George.

00:31:10,368 --> 00:31:11,703

You're always… Uh…

00:31:14,456 --> 00:31:16,416

You're always closing the magazine.

00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:20,419

Or you're out getting drinks

to celebrate closing the magazine,

00:31:20,420 --> 00:31:23,964

or you're chasing some writer or investor,

or you're tearing up the layout,

00:31:23,965 --> 00:31:26,467

and if it's not the magazine,

it's a Kennedy benefit

00:31:26,468 --> 00:31:29,428

or a fundraiser or a Senate run.

00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:31,139

So you don't support it.

00:31:32,766 --> 00:31:33,767

[sighs]

00:31:34,851 --> 00:31:36,645

I support you.

00:31:38,897 --> 00:31:41,899

And I'd support it if I really thought

it was something you believed in,

00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:45,278

but everything for you comes out

of this misplaced sense of obligation.

00:31:46,196 --> 00:31:48,030

Like your lunch idea.

00:31:48,031 --> 00:31:50,032

I specifically set aside

two lunches a week,

00:31:50,033 --> 00:31:51,826

so that I can spend time with you.

00:31:51,827 --> 00:31:54,286

That's not the same

as wanting to spend time with me.

00:31:54,287 --> 00:31:56,915

- [John] It's literally the same thing.

- No, lunch is a checkbox.

00:31:58,083 --> 00:32:00,543

It's something you can tell yourself

to absolve yourself of guilt.

00:32:00,544 --> 00:32:02,671

- What guilt?

- You don't want to be around me.

00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:06,340

You don't want to talk to me.

00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:07,883

Half the time,

you're sleeping in the other room.

00:32:07,884 --> 00:32:09,218

I talk to you all the time.

00:32:09,219 --> 00:32:12,055

No, John, you're not interested in me.

00:32:12,681 --> 00:32:14,849

You don't solicit my advice.

00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:16,976

You're not fascinated

by what I want to say.

00:32:16,977 --> 00:32:18,185

You're not curious about me.

00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:20,771

You talk to me just long enough

to keep the peace,

00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:23,108

just long enough

to prevent more conversation.

00:32:25,110 --> 00:32:28,362

You used to be desperate

to spend every single second with me,

00:32:28,363 --> 00:32:30,614

and now you treat our marriage

like it's this layover

00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:32,659

between places that you really want to be.

00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:35,996

And I get it.

00:32:38,331 --> 00:32:41,585

I imagine it's tough seeing

how unhappy you make me.

00:32:51,344 --> 00:32:52,637

You know what?

00:32:53,180 --> 00:32:54,264

It is.

00:33:01,354 --> 00:33:03,940

And that's all I seem

to be capable of lately…

00:33:05,233 --> 00:33:06,776

is disappointing people.

00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:11,655

I spend all day fighting with publishers,

investors, bankers,

00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:14,951

all telling me to take my magazine

out back and shoot it in the head.

00:33:15,744 --> 00:33:19,788

And then I come home and I fight with you

about how I'm never home.

00:33:19,789 --> 00:33:22,166

And then I go to bed each night

dreading the moment I get up

00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:24,376

and having to do it all over again.

00:33:24,377 --> 00:33:27,296

And the worst part about it is that

I wanna talk to you about all of this,

00:33:27,297 --> 00:33:30,007

but you feel a million miles away.

00:33:30,008 --> 00:33:32,010

You're here, but you're not here.

00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:37,348

And I miss you, Carolyn.

I miss the person I fell in love with.

00:33:37,349 --> 00:33:39,226

John, I'm right here.

00:33:41,394 --> 00:33:43,647

I am the person you fell in love with.

00:33:46,149 --> 00:33:47,858

But you don't want this version of me.

00:33:47,859 --> 00:33:50,736

You want… You want the cold, unattainable,

00:33:50,737 --> 00:33:53,865

shiny version, the-the version

of me that's like a trophy.

00:33:54,491 --> 00:33:56,867

I mean, the moment I started

being vulnerable with you, you--

00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:58,703

You think you're vulnerable with me?

00:34:00,413 --> 00:34:04,291

To be vulnerable, you'd actually have

to want something and need something.

00:34:04,292 --> 00:34:07,753

The only thing you seem to want to do is

tell me again and again and again

00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:09,129

how much you hate our life.

00:34:09,130 --> 00:34:11,423

I knew it. I knew it.

I should never have let my guard down.

00:34:11,424 --> 00:34:14,052

[stutters] I broke my own rule.

I'm so dumb.

00:34:15,887 --> 00:34:18,180

- I've just been bracing myself.

- For what?

00:34:18,181 --> 00:34:19,723

[Carolyn] I'm always bracing myself, John.

00:34:19,724 --> 00:34:22,851

I have spent my entire life

just bracing myself

00:34:22,852 --> 00:34:25,896

for these terrible things to happen to me

and deal with them alone.

00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:27,857

And this is no different from any of that.

00:34:29,150 --> 00:34:30,734

You knew who I was before you married me.

00:34:30,735 --> 00:34:33,905

[Carolyn] God, I wish people

would stop telling me that.

00:34:34,823 --> 00:34:36,491

No one knows who they're marrying.

00:34:37,659 --> 00:34:39,035

Apparently not.

00:34:44,541 --> 00:34:46,626

People are supposed to change, John.

00:34:47,919 --> 00:34:49,379

- I didn't.

- [scoffs]

00:34:50,505 --> 00:34:53,758

You say that like it's a virtue,

like it's… like it's somehow commendable.

00:34:55,552 --> 00:34:57,386

You haven't made any space

for me in your life.

00:34:57,387 --> 00:34:59,847

Tell me one thing

that you have changed in your life

00:34:59,848 --> 00:35:01,557

since we've been married.

00:35:01,558 --> 00:35:04,018

You live in the same loft,

you have the same job, the same friends,

00:35:04,019 --> 00:35:06,520

you spend the same weekends

at Red Gate or Hyannis,

00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:08,231

the same schedule.

00:35:09,899 --> 00:35:13,485

Everything in my life has changed.

Do you understand that?

00:35:13,486 --> 00:35:15,280

That's your choice.

00:35:16,156 --> 00:35:17,990

You act like every misfortune in your life

00:35:17,991 --> 00:35:20,200

is the result of

some ultimatum I've given you,

00:35:20,201 --> 00:35:23,245

like you have zero agency

in this relationship.

00:35:23,246 --> 00:35:26,498

I didn't make you quit your job.

I didn't make you marry me.

00:35:26,499 --> 00:35:30,044

I didn't tell you to let the tabloids

ruin your life. But you know what?

00:35:30,045 --> 00:35:32,421

I think there's a part of you

that enjoys this shit with the press.

00:35:32,422 --> 00:35:35,174

- Excuse me?

- [John] Yeah, so you can lord it over me.

00:35:35,175 --> 00:35:37,509

Punish me with it, fault me endlessly

00:35:37,510 --> 00:35:40,512

for not controlling things

outside of my control.

00:35:40,513 --> 00:35:41,597

You relish it.

00:35:41,598 --> 00:35:44,433

It's like you have no identity

outside of your own victimhood.

00:35:44,434 --> 00:35:48,437

Thank you. Thank you.

You love how hated I am.

00:35:48,438 --> 00:35:50,230

Of course you do,

because you're America's son,

00:35:50,231 --> 00:35:53,735

and I am just another tragedy

you bravely endure.

00:36:02,077 --> 00:36:06,665

Well.

Yeah, I think I may have hit my limit.

00:36:11,336 --> 00:36:13,004

What are you talking about?

00:36:18,843 --> 00:36:21,220

[Carolyn] John,

what are you talking about?

00:36:21,221 --> 00:36:25,057

Maybe I've endured enough tragedy

for one lifetime.

00:36:25,058 --> 00:36:26,851

Fuck. [groans]

00:36:27,852 --> 00:36:28,853

[groans]

00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:35,902

John, come back.

00:36:38,113 --> 00:36:39,114

John!

00:36:40,824 --> 00:36:43,451

John, what are you doing? [panting]

00:36:45,620 --> 00:36:46,621

What…

00:36:47,205 --> 00:36:48,373

I can't keep doing this.

00:36:49,332 --> 00:36:51,625

[panting]

00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:53,211

What are you talking about?

00:36:53,795 --> 00:36:55,963

Doing what?

What are you… What are you talking about?

00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:58,549

Everything and everyone I touch

falls apart,

00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:00,259

and now this is falling apart too.

00:37:00,260 --> 00:37:04,555

And I just think that if I stay, I'm gonna

do or say something that I'll regret.

00:37:04,556 --> 00:37:06,808

L-Like what? Like what, John?

00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:09,518

[John] I'll be at the Stanhope.

Just a day or two.

00:37:09,519 --> 00:37:12,230

[Carolyn] No, J-John, just say

what you were gonna say.

00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:14,732

There is nothing you can say to me

00:37:14,733 --> 00:37:17,444

that would hurt me more

than you walking out that door.

00:37:18,653 --> 00:37:20,654

Do you know what it's like

to see it in your eyes

00:37:20,655 --> 00:37:22,448

that I'm failing at this marriage?

00:37:22,449 --> 00:37:25,577

Like I failed as a lawyer

and now I'm failing as a magazine editor.

00:37:26,703 --> 00:37:29,747

I couldn't help my mom.

And I can't help Anthony.

00:37:29,748 --> 00:37:32,166

And I don't think

I can handle another failure right now.

00:37:32,167 --> 00:37:33,168

[Carolyn] No, John.

00:37:36,838 --> 00:37:39,382

When I told you everything ends,

you said not us.

00:37:41,593 --> 00:37:44,052

What happened to not us, John?

00:37:44,053 --> 00:37:46,805

What happened to not us?

What happened to not us?

00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:48,850

What happened to not us?

00:37:49,934 --> 00:37:53,062

[sobs] What happened to not us?

00:37:53,772 --> 00:37:56,482

When I told you everything ends,

you said not us.

00:37:56,483 --> 00:37:58,526

What happened to not us?

00:37:59,861 --> 00:38:00,862

[Carolyn sobs]

00:38:04,908 --> 00:38:06,200

This isn't ending.

00:38:06,201 --> 00:38:07,577

Yes, it is.

00:38:09,829 --> 00:38:11,121

You're running away.

00:38:11,122 --> 00:38:13,123

I don't want to keep hurting you, Carolyn.

00:38:13,124 --> 00:38:15,000

- [Carolyn sobbing]

- I wanna be with you.

00:38:15,001 --> 00:38:16,543

Then be with me.

00:38:16,544 --> 00:38:18,171

I don't wanna fight.

00:38:20,924 --> 00:38:22,258

You have to.

00:38:23,343 --> 00:38:26,386

[pants] That's what people do.

They fight. They stay, they fight.

00:38:26,387 --> 00:38:28,889

If we keep fighting,

we're gonna lose each other.

00:38:28,890 --> 00:38:31,643

[Carolyn pants] Please don't leave me.

00:38:32,769 --> 00:38:34,187

Please.

00:38:42,779 --> 00:38:44,948

Please don't prove my mother right.

00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:55,333

I'm coming back, I promise.

00:38:56,543 --> 00:38:58,127

[sobbing]

00:39:04,384 --> 00:39:05,593

[John] I love you.

00:39:35,415 --> 00:39:37,917

[crying]

00:39:41,963 --> 00:39:42,964

[elevator dings]

00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:46,134

[elevator whooshes]

00:39:50,221 --> 00:39:52,223

[sobbing]